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Is 2 years too early?

So I've been dating my bf now for about 2 years, and we've been living together for almost 1. Is it too early to expect him to propose? I'm turning 26 and he's 32. I'm ready for it but I feel like he just isn't and maybe never will be.....he doesn't mind talking about it or casually joking about it and I want to start having kids at 30. I want to be able to spend time with my husband before that happens so right now I basically only have another 3 years to travel and do fun things with him. Not that I can't do that now but still.Should I be concerned? will it ever happen? oh and all his friends are either married with kids, about to have kids or engaged so I don't see what his problem is...

Re: Is 2 years too early?

  • 2 years is enough time for a guy to decide what he wants to do.

    2 years is also enough time for you to sit this gent down and have a frank talk about where exactly this relationship is going, particularly since you and he have been living together for a year.

    He owes it to you to be honest with you --- and if it turns out that marriage is not in the cards, cut your losses and go. Believe a guy when he says he has no intentions of getting married.

    IF this is the case, find a man who wants the same things that you want: marriage and kids. GL.
  • My husband proposed to me at the 2 year mark. Its not weird, that is a normal time to start thinking about it, plus you know a lot of things about your partner after 2 years.

    If he is only joking about marriage, I would probably bet he is not ready to propose. If you are not joking, then sit down and let him know it isnt a joke and really have a serious convo about it. Maybe he never wants to be married? 

     I think now is a good time to have the talk, it definitely isnt too early..

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    image TarponMonoxide:
    2 years is enough time for a guy to decide what he wants to do.

    2 years is also enough time for you to sit this gent down and have a frank talk about where exactly this relationship is going, particularly since you and he have been living together for a year.

    He owes it to you to be honest with you --- and if it turns out that marriage is not in the cards, cut your losses and go. Believe a guy when he says he has no intentions of getting married.

    IF this is the case, find a man who wants the same things that you want: marriage and kids. GL.

    All of this.

  • What does he say when you ask him about a timeline and talk seriously about your future together?
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  • image ReturnOfKuus:
    What does he say when you ask him about a timeline and talk seriously about your future together?

    Yep this. Have you talked with him about being ready to move forward? I think this is important conversation to be able to have with him.

  • Two years is not too early.  I read somewhere (a long time ago, so I don't remember where) that the median time from first date to wedding in America is about 2 years and 4 months.  So I think it's pretty safe to say that half of couples who will eventually marry would be at least engaged by now.  

    Of course, what's right for one couple may not be for the next, but wondering about marriage and when it is going to happen after 2 years is not taking things quickly.  If anything, it's taking it slow.  I think you should be talking seriously about what you want out of the relationship.  I'd recommend that you NOT joke about it--that can really confuse the issue, especially if you are trying to read meaning in how he responds to a joke.  

    If he's not ready yet, well, that could be because you guys haven't talked enough about the future to know if your goals mesh yet, but those discussions take months, not years.  He definitely knows by now if he likes you well enough to have those conversations (or if he doesn't know by now, I don't think more time will help).  

  • image sillygoosegirl:

    Two years is not too early.  I read somewhere (a long time ago, so I don't remember where) that the median time from first date to wedding in America is about 2 years and 4 months.  So I think it's pretty safe to say that half of couples who will eventually marry would be at least engaged by now.  

    Of course, what's right for one couple may not be for the next, but wondering about marriage and when it is going to happen after 2 years is not taking things quickly.  If anything, it's taking it slow.  I think you should be talking seriously about what you want out of the relationship.  I'd recommend that you NOT joke about it--that can really confuse the issue, especially if you are trying to read meaning in how he responds to a joke.  

    If he's not ready yet, well, that could be because you guys haven't talked enough about the future to know if your goals mesh yet, but those discussions take months, not years.  He definitely knows by now if he likes you well enough to have those conversations (or if he doesn't know by now, I don't think more time will help).  

    This. 2 years isn't too early, especially considering both of your ages. If you were 18 or 19, I would say 2 years is definitely too early. But if he's 32 and he still doesn't know what he wants, TBH, I wouldn't hold my breath.

    What you need to do at this point is to have a serious talk about what you want from the future. If those goals aren't the same RIGHT NOW, then you need to seriously reevaluate if you want to stay in this relationship. My grandmother used to say that if a man tells you who he is, you should believe him. If you guys don't have the same life goals, then you need to cut and run, no two ways about it.

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  • Tell him you want to be married. If he doesnt say "well, then lets get married", you should move out. He doesnt want marriage.

     

  • I agree with previous posters.  It sounds like you have a pretty specific idea of what you want (how old you want to be when you have kids, how long you want to be married before hand, etc.) but aren't sure what he wants.  

    What BarbourWales said about believing a man when he tells you who he is- I wholeheartedly agree, and it's also something to apply the other way. Tell him who you are- someone who is seriously thinking about marriage, and kids, and isn't happy with joking around and guessing how he feels about those topics.   

  • image TarponMonoxide:
    2 years is enough time for a guy to decide what he wants to do.

    2 years is also enough time for you to sit this gent down and have a frank talk about where exactly this relationship is going, particularly since you and he have been living together for a year.

    He owes it to you to be honest with you --- and if it turns out that marriage is not in the cards, cut your losses and go. Believe a guy when he says he has no intentions of getting married.

    IF this is the case, find a man who wants the same things that you want: marriage and kids. GL.

    This exactly. Some guys are never going to get married. If this is him, you need to know this. You've given two years of your life to this man. If he'll never be ready, you need to find someone who has the same desires for the future as you do.  

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  • Everyone is different but in general most men (and women for that matter) know after 2-3 years whether they want to spend the rest of their lives with somebody. Some men (and women too) may need an extra year or two - maybe to save money or be in a better position to provide for a family but that is something you have to figure out with your BF.

     I will tell you what I did with my H. I was 32 when I met him and he was 36 after about a year and some casual talk about love and marriage I spoke to him about it once and very calmly but very directly told him that I was not 20 anymore and I didn't have time to fool around with someone who isn't on the same page as me, and while I am not giving him an ultimatum or a deadline, I will not be waiting around 5 or 10 years for him to make up his mind. I told him he was a smart man who could figure things out and to not make me wait too long. In the meantime, I told him, I would not bring up marriage and kids for a while so that he could figure things out for himself. Then I said "But don't make me wait too long." Little did I know he had already bought the ring, he proposed about a month later.

    Honestly, though, to make deadlines and plans of when you want to get married and have kids and buy a house or whatever is kind of unrealistic because things change and plans never go the way you hope. Do the fun stuff now, make love on a beach, fly to Paris for the weekend, take a cruise to the Caribbean. Splurge for box seats to your (or your BF's) favorite team. Or if you can't afford those things, just go to a local bar and have a few beers, or go out dancing or just drink a great cup of coffee at your favorite diner. He may just come around and realize that you two can have a great life together for ever much sooner than you think.

  • My husband proposed to me at 3 years together. We moved in together after only a few months. I was getting annoyed but I had come to the realization that I wanted to be with him whether we were married or not. Give him time, guys all work at different paces. We had a quicker engagement I guess, 8/9 months. 
  • DH and I were together for 3 years before I finally got him to propose and another 9 months before we actually got married.  DH needed a huge push to get him to propose but his problem was money (He is a horrible saver).  We had talked about getting married for a year before we got engaged, considering we had a child together.

    You don't want to push too much or you'll always wonder if he got married because he wanted to or just to 'shut you up.'  Have a talk with him and see how he feels on the matter.  You also need to decide if you will stay with him if he doesn't want to ever get married - if you love him enough it shouldn't matter.  If DH would have said no to getting married but yes to being together I would have stayed.

  • That's what I think sometime.. that i should just forget about it and enjoy the time we have together without stressing about getting married, but at the same time every time one of our friends gets engaged( and it's happening a lot lately) I can't help but feel left behind you know, like we're the only ones not moving forward =(
  • I totally understand the whole money and having a house first before getting married. But here's the thing....he owns the condo we live in. We couldn't have a child here but it's enough for the two of us. He's really responsible with money and saves a lot, and has a great job so I don't thing the problem is money. I just can't figure out what the problem is.
  • BTW...he is a real great guy and I do feel like he is the one.... he will go out of his way to make me happy and get whatever it is I want. That's why I find it so hard to understand why it is taking him so long. If he loves me the way he says and shows he does, getting married shouldn't be a problem. 
  • My husband (33) and I (29) were together for a year before we moved in together and were were together for 3 years before we got engaged. We just got married last month and we've been together for 4 1/2 years. From the very beginning of our relationship we agreed that if after 3 years either one of us was unsure about marriage, then we'd let him/her go. For my husband, 2 years was enough for him. I needed that extra year. It's a matter of personal decision/choice. If you know, you know.

     

    However, if he's not willing to talk about it, he's not ready. My husband and I talked frequently and at great length about marriage before we got engaged or even considered it. 

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