Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email [email protected]

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Engaged couple needs help!

Re: Engaged couple needs help!

  • I checked out the site and and wish you and your fiance the best. 

    However, coming from a fellow person who knows very well what it's like to struggle financially (and I mean deeply struggle), I find it odd, even bold, to solicit complete strangers for money.  With that said, I have a few suggestions. 

    1. Student loan payments may be deferred or forebeared due to financial hardship.  You may still accrue interest, but the payments will be put on hold for a time. You two should look into that before they default.

    2. Your fiance should file for unemployment if he hasn't already.  Even if you don't think he will qualify, file anyway.  He may get assistance.  In the meantime, he should continue looking for a job, and take anything he can get, even if its not his dream job at this point.

    3. If you are living in your parents' basement, you're probably not paying standard rent, if at all.  That is a huge blessing and an opportunity to save for the things you want.  I wish my husband and I were that lucky.  If you can't afford to pay for bills when they don't even include regular rent, then you have way too much debt for your income.  You need to find things to cut or find a better paying job.  You need to learn to budget now, or else you will not make it when you do have real rent to throw into the mix, or eventually a mortgage payment.

    4. Before you can even think about throwing a wedding, you need to get your financial house in order.  My husband and I were engaged in 2007 and just had our wedding last year.  We had no help from anyone to pay for it - we bugeted and paid for it completely ourselves, and we were living on our own.  We wanted to have our wedding the way we wanted, and were willing to wait for it.  But we first had to get our financial house in order, advice that I am passing on to you.  It was hard as heck, but the financial planning that we learned during that time will last us forever and I'm actually grateful for the experience.

    5.  If you really have no where else to turn, you should ask your family for money, not complete strangers.

    I hope I don't sound rude, but this is just life.  You can't depend on others to pay for things for you.  You and your fiance need to learn the very real truth that you need to make a way for yourselves. Again, I wish you the best. 

    So happy to be married to my best friend.
  • I didn't go to the website, but I can now assume you are soliciting strangers for money.  That is pretty f*cking ballsy.  I am my own charity case.  You and your fiance need to get married at the courthouse or save your OWN MONEY and provide youselves your own wedding.  WTF?
  • Yeah I agree with cndy. This is a bit crazy. I'm young with student loans and have rent to pay each month along with all my other bills. Life is on a tight budget but we are still finding things we can do to add to the savings. I think asking complete strangers for money for the wedding should be a sign that you are not financially able to be married. If you love each other as much as you say, then wait for the right time. And a 20 thousand dollar wedding?? For a couple that cant even pay for it seems over the top. lots of people have a beautiful wedding on a way smaller budget. I think you're expectations are too high for the life style you are actually living.

     "Please help us kickstart our lives as a young couple in love trying to have a normal life."

    I think this is a pretty normal life. Most people do not have things handed to them. Life is tough get use to it. Sorry you are just figuring this out. 

  • Soliciting here is also agains tthe rules of the board.

    Delete before a moderator does. TIA.
  • Yep this isn't a new thing to happen. Others have done this and survived just fine. Marriage is what is important. Not a dream wedding. Get married in a court then work hours and hours...oh and hours a day just like others had to do to earn some money. 



  • I hope this isn't real; the rest of the world works hard as hell to have the life they want. Why do you believe that the world should fund the life that you want?


  • Um, no. Just no. Stop asking strangers for money. Strangers are not responsible for your debt or even getting you out of it. Figure out a way to do this on your own. And FFS, don't think of throwing a wedding when you can hardly buy groceries. What is wrong with people?
    BabyFetus Ticker
  • Sorry, but DH and I had to buy our own house, pay for our own wedding and cover our own bills and get out of our own debt. So you get no sympathy (Or money) from me. Marriage is for grown ups. Grown-ups don't go begging on the internet and think that they're entitled to money they didn't earn.

    You want help?  Take the link out of your OP before you get banned for solicitation. And then go lay out your budget on Money Matters and see if the ladies over there can help you cut out unnecessary expenses (And even if you swear up and down you don't have any, you probably do) and give you ideas for saving/earning more money that doesn't include just expecting a pay day from Internet Santa.

    I'm more than willing to start validating people's ideas when they start having ideas worth validating
  • OP, if you can't figure out what's wrong with begging for money from strangers (for a pretty princess day you can't afford!), there's no help for you. Grow up and make your dreams happen BY YOURSELVES. I think I might donate to an actual worthwhile cause (World Wildlife Federation, cancer research, etc.) just to counteract your selfishness. Thanks for the inspiration!
    TTC # 1 since May 2010
    DH: 28; superhero sperm (probably w/ little capes & tights)ME: 30; Factor V Leiden blood disorder; once elevated prolactin levels, now normal; clear HSG; normal vag-cams
    Diagnosis: unexplained IF
    4 rounds of 100 mg Clomid = 4 BFNs
    IUI # 1 Oct 24/12: 100 mg Clomid, Prometrium
    First ever BFP Nov 8/12! Stick, baby, stick!

    [url= utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers] [img][/img][/url]
  • Totally agree with jez_girl. You are not the only person struggling and to solicit money from strangers is ridiculous. Make your own.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I hope this isn't real. I mean seriously, grow up.
    Life is good today.
  • "Do not make the mistake of thinking that the world owes you anything. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." - Anonymous

    For me? I'd rather spend my money on my husband and our child. I have no interest in helping anyone get out of debt that I'm not genetically related to. You take a job, any job, and then you work your butt off. Then you buy what you want/need. And you could, in theory, use that 20,000 dollars to get out of your parent's basement and, I don't know, pay off your loans or something. 

    I agree with PPs- this is pretty f*ing ballsy of you. My husband and I got married in my IL's house with an officiant. If you want to be married badly enough, you make it happen- without all the bells and whistles.

    "Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same."- Emily Bronte Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • srgwsrgw member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I commented on another forum you posted on but I just wanted to add, weddings don't have to cost 20K. Mine cost 1/4 of that, maybe. And it was exactly how H and I wanted it.
  • Everyone who replied is right on the mark for one reason or another, but another thing to consider is that if you're really planning on spending the rest of your life with your FI, waiting a few more years for financial stability is just a drop in the bucket. 
    PitaPata Cat tickers
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