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Cheater???

My Bf cheated on before we found out we was having a baby. Well i didnt find out till a week after i got kicked out the night i found out i was haveing the baby. I love him to death. And i know he loves me. Hes a good guy even tho cheating makes him seem like a bad guy. But ive done some stuff to him. What should i do since we have a baby that will be here soon????? I need help or suggestion which ever!

Re: Cheater???

  • TBH, you'll probably get this answer from a lot of other people- so let me be the first.

    Cheating does not make your boyfriend a good guy. It just doesn't. I don't care if he's bought you a gold-plated Lexus with diamond rims, cheating makes him a jerk. He doesn't get a free pass to cheat, no matter what you've done to him. Based on what you've said in the OP, I can't give you much advice. What I can tell you is that you need to make the best choice for your baby.

    "Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same."- Emily Bronte Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Once a cheat always a cheat and again people who love each other simply don't kick out their partners especially if they are about to have a baby together. 

    I say that you are better off without him and its time to start thinking about you and your baby. You see every painful experience is an opportunity to learn and grow.This doesn't make much sense now but later on it will .

  • image crystaleileen123:
    My Bf cheated on before we found out we was having a baby. Well i didnt find out till a week after i got kicked out the night i found out i was haveing the baby. I love him to death. And i know he loves me. Hes a good guy even tho cheating makes him seem like a bad guy. But ive done some stuff to him. What should i do since we have a baby that will be here soon????? I need help or suggestion which ever!

    Wow, clean up your grammar.

    And clean up your life...get rid of this jerkoff boyfriend of yours.

    Why do you want a cheater?

    What do you do?

    Tell him goodbye, go to legal aid and lawyer up -- and get child support for the child. Or better yet, relinquish the child for adoption and let 2 loving parents adopt the kiddo.

  • Whoa! TarponMonoxide! Adoption is a strong suggestion and very rudely suggested! She didn't post to get a grammar lesson and a judgment call. She posted for support and advice. I understand that's the advice you gave but it is completely uncalled for. You think she needs a lesson in grammar? Well you need a lesson on how to talk appropriately to people! Never suggest a woman give her baby up for adoption unless circumstances may call for it. You can't judge her situation from a small paragraph. 

     Crystaleileen123: I think we all feel the same about the cheating BF so let's not go there again.  You must now look out for yourself and your baby. Filing for child support is one good suggestion that came from Miss Judgmental up there so please go that route because you may be raising this baby yourself. You may however, find this experience to be empowering and rewarding! There is nothing like being a mother, single or not. Find the strength in yourself to know that you can do this without your ex-BF. Your baby deserves a good life and it will up to you to provide that.  Best wishes to you my dear and good luck having that bundle of joy! 

  • I do believe that SOME cheaters can change... and others just need to grow up.  I also do not believe that two people have to stay together for a child.  A baby does not fix a relationship...  they typically cause more stress in a relationship that is already rocky.  You can do this on your own, you do not need to stay with him just because you are having his child.  Just make sure to file for child support so he is helping to support his child.

     If you think he is capable of being a good father and partner he needs to make serious changes to prove he wants to be a part of you and your child's life.

     If you are not prepared for a child... whether as a single mother or as a couple adoption is an amazing option.  My son is adopted and he is our world....and his birthmom was such an amazing person to be able to place him in a family that could provide for him in a way she could not.

     G/L to you... and feel free to PM if you have any questions...

     

     

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  • Also, adoption should only be considered if you feel you are unprepared to take of a child now.  You can be a single mother, I don't know your age or your situation... so only you can decide what is right for you at this time.  But you do not need to stay in this relationship for the baby... you need to do what is best for you and your child.  Please consider whether you can see you and your boyfriend being a strong family for this child.   Fighting and cheating and being kicked out is not a positive environment for your child...

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • Remain friends if possible and move on. Put your child first. He obviously isn't 100% committed to you as he should be. He will always have that wandering eye!
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  • If she didn't post for a grammar lesson, perhaps she should learn to speak and type correctly.  Once that is completed the rest of us would not have our eyes bleeding from such poor uneducated structure.  I believe your grammar is a complete reflection of the type of person we are dealing with.  Uneducated, young (18-19 years old)  Stupid, as mentioned that she was kicked out of her home (probably because she doesn't know what a condom is.  She's a complete product of her environment.  Yet you wish us not to judge her based on the grammar?  

     

    First off, you have too many issues to deal with.  The baby is the fault of both of you not using protection.  Secondly I'm sure you're attempting to tell us your parents kicked you out for getting pregnant.  I truly hope you learn from this.  Third, I support adoption the last thing we need in this world is another single mother who can't make the correct decisions for her baby, resulting in more stupid people on welfare (and apparently access to the internet as well)

  • image biancaandross:

    Whoa! TarponMonoxide! Adoption is a strong suggestion and very rudely suggested! She didn't post to get a grammar lesson and a judgment call. She posted for support and advice. I understand that's the advice you gave but it is completely uncalled for. You think she needs a lesson in grammar? Well you need a lesson on how to talk appropriately to people! Never suggest a woman give her baby up for adoption unless circumstances may call for it. You can't judge her situation from a small paragraph. 

    Well said, i completely agree. She's been called out on this 3 times just in the past 24hrs.. and same goes for ROFL ATTACK. It's completely uncalled for to be so rude and disrespectful. If you two ladies don't have anything positive to say then its best you don't comment at all. The fact that you both find the need to be so negative and judgmental is appalling. 

    OP i hope you dont let those comment's affect you in any way, women like them are obviously not content with their own lives and find pleasure in bringing down others along with them.. As far as your situation; i agree with white318 in the aspect that a baby can make an already rocky relationship worse.. Your child can still have a happy life with two parents that love him whether you are together or not. Do what you genuinely feel is best for your baby. 

  • excuse me i dont need you to be telling me that i need to clean up my grammer. And for one i was asking advice hell no im not giving my baby up. Thats out of the question. And Who said im not gonna love the baby you need an attitude check!!!!!
  • Just cause im 20 years old does not mean anything. I asked for advice i dont need you being a rude person to me. Looks like you need to grow up and learn how to respect people.
  • My advice? Make sure you have all your financial ducks in a row (babies ain't cheap!!!). Hire a good lawyer, file for child support, and work out custody if that's what you want to do.Make sure you have EVERYTHING written down. Don't just rely on "he says he'll do this", because that's not going to work. Come up with a plan for your child. The most important thing here is that your baby is taken care of.

    Being in an environment where one or both parents cheat isn't good for a child. My great-grandfather was never faithful his entire married life. He died in the 40s. My grandmother still can't talk about him without some bitterness (he died when she was ten), because the environment she grew up in was toxic. Her first memories are of her parents screaming at each other and throwing things. I also say, from my own experience (thankfully not with DH): if he cheated on you once, he'll cheat on you again.

    You, and your baby, deserve so much more than that. 

    "Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same."- Emily Bronte Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image crystaleileen123:
    excuse me i dont need you to be telling me that i need to clean up my grammer. And for one i was asking advice hell no im not giving my baby up. Thats out of the question. And Who said im not gonna love the baby you need an attitude check!!!!!

    I agree that Tarpon tends to come off as overly aggressive, but I do also agree that how a person writes can be very telling about them. And she was correct.

    Bringing up a child in an environment with two very young parents who haven't finished school, fight, cheat on each other and are getting "kicked out" is not a great situation. Of course you should consider adoption. You don't have to do it, but consider all of your options. Is this the best enviornment to raise a child in? Are you going to be the best possible parents for this child at this point in your lives? Is this the best thing for YOU right now?

    If you choose to keep and raise your baby then you need to start preparing yourself and setting up some stability. No, babies aren't cheap, but it can be done on a very small budget. Talk to your boyfriend, talk about the cheating (calmly) and decide if the two of you staying together is actually going to work out, if it's what you both really want. If not, you can do this on your own, too. You have options, but I wouldn't count on this guy for the long term.

    image

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  • What I would do if I were pregnant with a cheater's baby and had been kicked out of my parents' home as a result:

    1. Get tested for STDs, because he could have had unprotected sex with the other girl, too.

    2. Have an abortion. Seriously, that is what I would do if I were about to be a homeless single mother with no reason to think the father was a decent human being. It doesn't sound like you are emotionally or financially prepared for a baby.

    3.  Stop talking to this a$$.

    4. Try to mend things with my family.

    5. Seek counseling. 

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  • I don't think cheating means you're a bad person.  Or that you will always cheat again.  That's true in a lot of situations, but not in all of them.  My husband and I got together at 19, when he had a girlfriend and I was casually seeing a couple of guys.  So my DH is technically a cheater.  He should have ended things with his SO before getting involved with me.  But we were young and stupid and didn't take into account the repercussions our actions would have on other people.  Doesn't change the fact that we've been together for 11 years, married for 7 of them and we're still happily monogamous.

    But OP, I think you follow your gut.  If you think he can still be a good partner and a good father, give it a try.  If not, cut your losses.  Either way, good luck with the baby!

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  • image Kimbus22:

    I don't think cheating means you're a bad person.  Or that you will always cheat again.  That's true in a lot of situations, but not in all of them.  My husband and I got together at 19, when he had a girlfriend and I was casually seeing a couple of guys.  So my DH is technically a cheater.  He should have ended things with his SO before getting involved with me.  But we were young and stupid and didn't take into account the repercussions our actions would have on other people.  Doesn't change the fact that we've been together for 11 years, married for 7 of them and we're still happily monogamous.

    But OP, I think you follow your gut.  If you think he can still be a good partner and a good father, give it a try.  If not, cut your losses.  Either way, good luck with the baby!

    I think the difference here is that you weren't your DH's pregnant girlfriend. People do stupid crap when they're 19 (as both my DH and I can freely attest to- we got together at 21, broke up, then got back together years later) but your situation and the OPs is, I think, completely different. He kicked her out of her home when HE was the one that cheated, and she allowed it. 

    Yeah, they didn't know she was pregnant at the time. But I have to wonder about a man who would happily let his girlfriend be homeless so he could keep doing whatever he wanted to do. That, to me, is not the type of man you can build a relationship with or should try to raise a family with. Those are not the actions of someone who loves his girlfriend, especially since he was in the wrong.

    "Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same."- Emily Bronte Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • The man cheated so you can't say he loves you.  If he loved you he wouldn't have cheated.  Also he isn't a good guy if he cheats.  Good men don't cheat!  Yes you are having a baby but there are many single moms out there who do great for themselves and their kids.  I guarantee that he will cheat more and just hurt you more.  
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  • You negative bitches replying to this post need to stop, the advice is not about what she should do with her baby, so suggesting adoption is so out of line and disrespectful. Please shut the ** up and learn some respect, you should be ashamed of yourselves for talking to someone like that when you don't know them. Anyways, I had an issue similar to this... I was 15 when I met my 21 year old bf at the time, I thought he loved me in the beginning of the relationship to find out he cheated on me 3 times, I even walked in on him once. Any way I broke up with him for awhile but during that time he started to grow up and realize reality. He also didn't like seeing me dating other guys... We talked about everything and worked through our emotions and feelings. I to was kicked out of my moms house not because I got pregnant but because I wanted to be with my man I moved in with my bf when I was 17. I am 22 now with 2 beautiful children, my bf is now my fiance and we are getting married next year September in Hawaii. Men can change if they really want to, growing up is key though. I suggest that you and your bf should spend some time apart but because you are pregnant invite him to your doctor appointments keep in contact with him but only about baby. Let him, hopfully, realize that he is going to be a daddy and that its time to grow up and be a great role model for your child. The birth of a child really brings people and families closer, thats what happened with me. In the meantime look into state benefits and get whatever you can, WIC is awesome, there is nothing to be ashamed of. We live in a great country that is more then willing to help us when we need it, don't listen to those arrogant ! I hope all ends well and if you need to talk I am more then willing to share information if I know, we are close in age as well so I understand more where you are coming from. :-)
    He stole my heart... So I'm stealing his last name.
  • A 21 year old was dating a 15 year old, cheated on her, and knocked her up?  Where in the hell are your parents?!

     

    FFS.  The only reason you think the OP should stay with her boyfriend and keep the baby is because you're close in age and have equally atrocious judgment.  I give it five years, tops, before we see you on COPS.

    image
  • I just spit water all over my desk. Five years before we see you on COPS.

    Gold.

    image

    Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
    I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
  • TOFU.  Why have you not joined us on the new board?!
    image
  • Meh, I have, but only on the international board because ours died completely on here. The pro boards don't have newbies.

    And come on. Who wants to miss out on this stuff? It's train wreck city up in here at times! 

    image

    Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
    I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
  • True.  It's why I pop back in from time to time.  The pro boards do have some newbies, or at least previous lurkers, though.
    image
  • Oh yes, the Apology one on there is particularly good.
    image

    Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
    I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
  • Oh trust me my mom was pissed! She did everything that she could to stop us, but I was a sneaky teenager. My decision(s) my not seem to have been the best to most but I am truly happy. Yes I got knocked up at 19 and again at 21 so what? So have a lot of people these days and even before me, at least I'm with my babies daddy! I only suggested to this girl to keep in contact because they are having a baby together whether they like it or not. If she feels that he is growing up and has changed then stay with him. Love is love and sometimes you can't change how your heart feels. One more thing, I've been with my bf for almost 7 years, my parents love him and so does the rest of my family so you're not going to see me or him on cops you negative, low life ***. :-)
    He stole my heart... So I'm stealing his last name.
  • Your mom should have called the cops.  A 21 year old preying on kids not old enough to drive is just that, a sexual predator.  And the fact that you're 22 now and still can't see how twisted and wrong that is, how broken that makes him, just shows how much he has warped you.
    image
  • Good for you! Being 20 doesn't mean you can't be a mother. Us women do what we have to do every single day, regardless of our grammar. It's obvious you already love that baby and I hope you are getting the support you need. Good luck to you and that bundle of goodness!  God Bless. 
  • to:  AyaniNoemi 

     Thank you! What they said is absolutely ridiculous! 

  • Um no... I actually turned 16 2 weeks after we met (not that the age difference is any better) and I was driving before I meet him. Why is my mom going to call the cops? Yes she could have called them and all they could say is stay away from eachother thats it! No one would ever be arressted unless I openly admitted that we were having sexual encounters or we were caught, this would have accomplished nothing but a waste of time. My fiance wasn't and never was prying (not preying) on children (the proper term, look up the definition of kids!) I was more then capable to make my own decision at this age (right or wrong). I was not an incapable, little innocent 8 year old girl, therefore I was not pryed on by a sexual predator. My mom was 16 when she met my dad who was 24, got married a few years later and then had me a few years after that, are you calling my dad a sexual preditor to? I know someone who was 17 who met and got knocked up 2 years later by a 32 year old, in my eyes that is a sexual preditor, totally twisted and totally wrong. I am not warped, nor has he warped me, there is nothing wrong with our relationship or our age difference. We have a healthy relationship that is solid and strong, based on caring, respect, trust, communication and love, which is what we show our children as well. Do not tell me to perceive that my relationship is twisted, wrong and warped just because my fianc? and I met at the ages we were and you think it's wrong. As I said before my decision is my own, may not make sense to others but I'm truly happy with my man and my 2 beautiful children.
    He stole my heart... So I'm stealing his last name.
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