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Boundary Issues With Mom

I love my mom, but I have trouble getting along with her most of the time (our relationship has been strained for over 10 years now). In short, she is extremely stubborn and illogical, and she does and says what she wants no matter who gets hurt/annoyed in the process. I love her, but I'm sure some of you out there can relate.

That being said, my husband and I will be moving to a new state soon. I would love for my parents to come and visit us, but only for short amounts of time if possible. For example, my mom and dad would like to come visit my husband and I this fall after we're settled into our new place. We're fine with that, but I've been suggesting 3 or 4 days max and she keeps on saying "we'll be there for a week!" or something similar. As bad as this sounds, I can't stand to be around my mother for more than a few days at a time because of her personality and attitude. I'm sure that my dad will not want to impose on us, but sometimes my mom can be so overbearing.

Btw, my siblings have had problems with this too. They're both married and in different states, and my mom has gotten on their bad side (and the bad side of their spouses) many times in the past, especially after they (my siblings) had children.

Now that my husband and I are moving away from my parents, I know that this same topic will come up many times, especially around the holidays. Unfortunately, just telling my mom what my husband and I would like to do is not enough; she tends to overstay her welcome time and time again. No matter how blunt I am, either it doesn't work or my mom takes it personally, gets offended, and becomes very rude and/or immature.

Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

Re: Boundary Issues With Mom

  • You know how your mom is. You're going to have to let her get offended. Just realize that you simply can't control this. 

    Past that, tell her 4 days and don't change your schedule for her. As in, if they do stay longer, go to work, go out w friends. Leave your parents sitting in your home alone.  Don't change your life because if you do, that will only teach her that when you say "4 days", you don't really mean it.  

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
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  • 4 days in your place, you and your H put them up for the other 3 in a Motel Six or some other inexpensive accommodation. Tell her that is what you and he decided.

    Good luck with this one. Some parents can really be somethin' else.;)
  • image EastCoastBride:

    You know how your mom is. You're going to have to let her get offended. Just realize that you simply can't control this. 

    Past that, tell her 4 days and don't change your schedule for her. As in, if they do stay longer, go to work, go out w friends. Leave your parents sitting in your home alone.  Don't change your life because if you do, that will only teach her that when you say "4 days", you don't really mean it.  

    This.  Heck, if they are staying a week, I wouldn't even take off any days. 

     

  • My mother can be the same way. But my husband and I live 800 miles from my parents, so when they come see us, it has to be more than 3 or 4 days. They stay a 7-10 days, and usually with us in a one bedroom apartment. I don't take time off work, so they are on their own during the day (we live near NYC so it's not a problem). My husband and I also make sure that we take time to ourselves and let my parents know it's 'us' time. This has worked pretty well for us.
    [IMG]http://i48.tinypic.com/des47b.jpg[/IMG]
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