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Move in with parents during deployment?

I?m a regular poster on TB, but thought I?d get more responses here.

We?re having our first baby at the end of the summer and DH is going to be deploying for 6-9 months very shortly after. I?m trying to decide if I should move home with my parents for the extra help with the baby or not. This isn?t our first deployment, and if we we?re going to have a baby, I wouldn?t even consider moving home. I have family in my home town, but no longer have any friends there. I do however have a descent amount of friends where we live, but no family nearby. We own or home, so we would either just lock it up or possibly move our belongings into storage and rent it short term. I don?t currently work or plan to go to school, so that?s nothing I have to consider. I also have a great relationship with my parents and plan to visit them often during this deployment anyway so that they can spend time with their grandson.

So, my questions are:

1.) Would you move in with your parents or stay where you are?

2.) If you?ve temporally rented your home, was it worth it financially considering the costs of storing your belongings and the costs of moving in and out twice in one year?

I?d love to hear your opinions or any advice you may have! TIA!

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Re: Move in with parents during deployment?

  • You probably won't get very many, if any, responses here as TN regulars have mostly moved on to pro-boards.  If you haven't already posted this on the bump, you probably should.


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  • I would move home. 1. It'd be nice to have your family by you during the deployment and to help with the baby. 2. You'd probably be saving a lot of money, if you were living with your parents for free or close to it. A storage unit couldn't cost you half of what your rent probably does.
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  • I'm going to be 29 soon. I've been on my own for too long to ever consider moving back in with my parents. For me, it would have to be a pretty dire situation before I'd consider it. I just couldn't do it. If I felt I needed the support I might move near my parents... That doesn't mean you shouldn't though. Some people do and couldn't be happier with their decision. I also work and will probably continue to work when I have kids so that would also be a factor in not moving home. I'm a super independent person so my parents would drive me insane. 
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  • If you're comfortable locking up your home then that is what I would do; otherwise I feel like renting it out might be more hassle and stress than is necessary with a new baby and a deployed spouse.

    I don't have children yet but I know that if I were facing first time mommy-hood I would want as much support as possible. I would decide which group (family or friends) you feel would be able to provide the most support and stay around that group. It sounds like you may have the best of both worlds with good friends at home and frequent visits to your folks. However, I feel like I would need someone around me more often than just friendly visits as i adjusted to motherhood.

    I may be overreacting about the changes a baby brings and the adjustment it forces you to make but I guess that is why I don't have kids yet haha.

  • I am in the same situation.  DH left when I was 27 weeks pregnant and won't return until DD is around 6-7 months old.  I have decided to move home and live with my mom for the deployment.  Both my mom and DH's parents live in the same city (5 mins from each other) as well as all of our friends.  I don't have a job here and we have only been stationed here for 6 months so I haven't really built a life here yet.  I want to be around a big support system and give the grandparents time to spend with her (since we live 14 hours away).  I know it will be difficult at times not being close to my "military family" but the trade off is worth it for me.

    We currently rent our home so we can't break our lease.  Yes, it seems silly paying for a house that we won't be living in, but I want DH to have his "home" to come home to.  I am turning off things like the cable/water/etc. so that will save some money.

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  • I wouldn't do it.  If you wouldn't consider it normally, I wouldn't do it now.  1.  You really don't need as much help as you think you will with a new baby, especially if it is after the first month or two.  2. Unless your family is a military family, they will have no idea what you are going through and the feelings you are having.  Your military friends are a far better support system during deployments.  3. I prefer to be in our house with our stuff and his things.  When my H is gone, I want to sleep in our bed and hold on to his pillows.  I want to pull his shirts out of the closet and wrap myself in them.  You can't do that at your parent's house.  

    As far as renting your house short term, unless you can ask for rent significantly higher than your monthly mortgage payment, I honestly don't see how it will be worth it to rent it out while he's gone.  You will have to pay to move all your stuff out, store it and move it back in.  Last time I hired movers to move my stuff across town, it cost me nearly $1000.  Here, a storage facility large enough to store all the contents of my 1300 sq ft house would cost nearly $200 a month.  I'd have to charge nearly $400 a month over the average asking price of a house the size of mine to break even if I did that.  

    I would suggest maybe going to visit your parents for a month while he is gone.  That would help break the time up and give you a little break for a bit.  It also doesn't lock you down to a renter.  You don't have to worry about someone jacking up the carpet or messing things up in your house.  If your family starts to get on your nerves, you can go home.   

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  • Is it possible for your mom or other family to spend a few weeks with you after the baby is first born? That seems to be the most stressful time, but after that things become more routine and you can get back to "normal" life. And like txrngr said, you can always go visit them for a few weeks to break it up. A renter seems like a huge hassle and living with my parents after being on my own, in my own home I created just isn't possible for me, so I wouldn't do it.
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  • image Zoey1309:

    I?m a regular poster on TB, but thought I?d get more responses here.

    We?re having our first baby at the end of the summer and DH is going to be deploying for 6-9 months very shortly after. I?m trying to decide if I should move home with my parents for the extra help with the baby or not. This isn?t our first deployment, and if we we?re going to have a baby, I wouldn?t even consider moving home. I have family in my home town, but no longer have any friends there. I do however have a descent amount of friends where we live, but no family nearby. We own or home, so we would either just lock it up or possibly move our belongings into storage and rent it short term. I don?t currently work or plan to go to school, so that?s nothing I have to consider. I also have a great relationship with my parents and plan to visit them often during this deployment anyway so that they can spend time with their grandson.

    So, my questions are:

    1.) Would you move in with your parents or stay where you are?

    No I would not.  This is NOT a snark, but a fact of life in the military.  You married someone who will be deployed on a regular basis through out his career.  And each time he deploys, there is going to be something "hard" to handle on your own, especially if you are factoring in a child.

    What happens when your kid is in school and your DH deploys?  Are you going to run home?  Older children do not necessarily mean easier...if anything they are harder to handle, given the logistics (especially if you have more than one). 

    And really, if its onyl 6-9 months, use this as a learning/growth experience.

    2.) If you?ve temporally rented your home, was it worth it financially considering the costs of storing your belongings and the costs of moving in and out twice in one year?

    Renting is NEVER financially worth it, but to rent for such a short period (if you can even FIND someone who would be willing to rent your house for such a short time) is not worth it at all. 

    I?d love to hear your opinions or any advice you may have! TIA!

    Again, I am not trying to be snarky.  But this is the lifestyle we choose when we married someone in the military.

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  • I moved back with my parents when DH deployed, and I never regretted it for a second. He was gone for almost 2 years. It was initially only for 1 year, so we just let some friends live in our house rent-free, but when we found out his orders were extended another year, we sold the house and were able to save our mortgage money while I lived with my parents (although I did pay "rent" to them and took over some of the bills).

    I loved having real, grown up people like my parents to talk to at the end of a rough day with my baby and 2 yr old. I couldn't stand the thought of staying in my house all alone 24/7 with my 2 exhausting kids. My parents tried to put the kids to bed 1 night a week so I could go out with friends or run errands - even having them at home once the kids were asleep so I could run out and get a gallon of milk without having to tote the kids along with me made it ALL worth it.

    Don't let people "shame" you for wanting to move back with your parents. Pick the place where you and your baby will get the most support while your DH is gone.

     

     

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  • Depends on your relationship with your parents. Mine would treat me like a teenager. No way on earth I would go back home.

    If your parents "get it" and won't play the "oh poor poor baby he left you all alone" bullshiit - then go for it. It is easier with help. 

    I have 3 kids and the first one DH headed back overseas when LO was 1 week old. It sucked - but my best friend roomed with me while he was gone. Independence AND Support worked for me.

    My next two hellians were born while DH was on shore duty (home). It was a good deal. He had to deploy again when our youngest was 7 months old. It was very very hard on him, and it was a LONG deployment for me. 

    It all depends on why you want to move. For me the financials wouldn't  be part of it. I don't like being told what/how to do anything so being at home with my family 100% of the time... would be a no-go for me. 

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