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Orthodox Jewish Wedding on Mother's Day-feeling conflicted

My cousin is having her wedding on Mother's Day, and while I'd like to go to, she is marrying into an orthodox jewish family.  The men and women will be kept separate for dinner, dancing, everything.  I'd really prefer to spend the day WITH my husband and kids and am a bit surprised they planned it for Mother's Day.   Do you think it's out of line to refuse?

Re: Orthodox Jewish Wedding on Mother's Day-feeling conflicted

  • REFUSE? Thats harsh.

    How about "I cant make it due to a previous comittment".

  • It's an invitation. If you don't want to go, don't go.  But having been to a few Orthodox weddings myself, while you'll be apart during the ceremony and can't dance together, you will most likely eat together. I've NEVER been seperated from my DH for the meal. 

    It being Mother's Day isn't important to me.  Sure, it's an odd day to pick, but I think a wedding is MUCH more important than Mother's Day.  I would not be factoring that into my decision at all. 

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  • It is not out of line to decline (I, too, think "refuse" is a bit harsh) if you don't want to attend.

    But maybe it's just me...if I get a card my kids colored and maybe a breakfast somebody else makes and cleans up (bonus points if it's served to me in bed!), then I'm pretty good to go for the rest of Mother's Day.  Never mind that even if I wanted more time with the family there's more than enough hours in the day for both.  A wedding doesn't take that long unless you have extensive travel.  And assuming your kids are young, they'd likely be with you during the wedding anyway, even if you have sons and/or it's an ultra observant wedding.  So if I was close to my cousin I'd try and be there for her, even if I ducked out a little early should the festivities go on too long. 

    FWIW, in line with the PP, the last Orthodox wedding my parents attended separated men and women for some things, but the couples were all seated together for dinner. 

  • why not celebrate Mother's Day on Saturday?
  • If you want to attend, do it.  Celebrate Mother's Day another time.

    My cousins are Orthodox, and there was separate seating at their weddings for everything (cocktail hour, ceremony, dinner, and dancing).  It doesn't hurt to call and ask, if that impacts your decision.

     

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  • If you don't want to go then decline the invite.

    If it were me though, and I was close to the cousin, I'd just celebrate mothers day another day, I'd do the same if there was a wedding on my birthday/anniversary or Easter for that matter. 

    I'm always more surprised that a wedding happens on a sunday than it happening on a holiday though. 

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  • Just accept or decline. No one's asking you for a commentary on what you think of their religious beliefs.
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  • That doesn't sound fun at all.  I'd decline even if it weren't on Mothers' Day.
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  • I'd been and have had wonderful times at Orthodox weddings. To my experience, it is so unusual and filled with exotic music and chatting and laughter. It's not the strict, separate, dower event you may be picturing.

    I don't think any wedding is in conflict with celebrating Mother's Day.

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  • I have never heard of a wedding on Mother's Day.  Sheesh....try to get a florist to do a wedding AND keep up with Mother's Day orders; florists' busiest day of the year is Mother's Day, followed by Valentine's Day, I believe.

    I don't know how close you are to your cousin. If you are relatively close, I suggest you go.

    I've gone to an ultra ultra Orthodox Jewish wedding; it was a gas. One of the best I've gone to --- the couple chose not to separate the sexes -- and both the B&G had many many rabbis that were in their families.

    There was a  klezmer band there -- yeah, they play mostly folk tunes and Hebrew tunes -- but the klezmer band kept throwing in snippets of commercial jingles, 4 or 5 bars of pops songs, etc, right in with what they were playing.:)

    It's all a matter of personal choice. And it's what clergyperson you speak to, as usual.:)

    You won't see a bouquet toss, or a grand march or a father daughter dance -- none of that is done and I guarantee you won't miss it, either.
  • Her wedding is next weekend?  Im assuming you RSVPd already because you tyically have to do that farther in advance.  Do whatever you RSVPd for.
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  • Depending how orthodox, men and women may be separated for dinner, the only time you wouldn't be would be during the shmorg. Although if she isn't orthodox, then maybe they compromised with mixed dinner seating. Or, another thing that some people do is have have a few mixed seating on the womens side

    IMO, if you've never gone to an orthodox wedding it is quite the experience. I LOVE going to orthodox weddings (I was orthodox for a while and have many under my belt) For me, I'm always the shy one who watches from my seat at events and never wants to get up and make a fool of myself. At orthodox weddings, for some reason, I am one of the most lively people on the dance floor. Even though dancing is separate, there is a part  that the bride gets taken over to the mens side and sits next to her husband and the men (sometimes some women-depends how 'frum') dance in front of them sometimes doing crazy fun things (dressing up in costume, juggling, basically just making the bride and groom laugh). On the brides side, it can be really fun too. The friends of the bride make a water bottle for her (decorated with ribbons, stickers, whatever-just something that the bride will enjoy-for one of my friends we used a 7-11 slurpee cup decorated) so that if you see shes getting thirsty you can give it to her quickly without having to run around finding water. They also find shtick that fit the bride- either created by themselves or borrowed at a gemach ( a lending store). When the bride starts to get a bit tired (having to dance around in very energetic circles if you've been fasting all day can become tiresome) someone will pull up a chair for her and then the ladies make fun dances in front of the bride (traditional 'bull' and cloth, or if you have a fun talent, I usually go for disco-and make a total fool of myself). It really is quite fun! There is usually a lobby area though that if you wanted to see your spouse you guys could go there. I would say go for it, you'll have a blast! (If it is mixed seating during dinner than check if your husband will know anyone otherwise it can be awkward for him).

    If you want any ideas for some shtick let me know!

  • image semdkm:

    My cousin is having her wedding on Mother's Day, and while I'd like to go to, she is marrying into an orthodox jewish family.  The men and women will be kept separate for dinner, dancing, everything.  I'd really prefer to spend the day WITH my husband and kids and am a bit surprised they planned it for Mother's Day.   Do you think it's out of line to refuse?

    While Mother's Day is a nice holiday for Mom's to get a "special day" it is not a national holiday or anything.....it's not like they planned their wedding on Memorial Day or Thanksgiving!

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  • What's the bigger problem for you - the wedding being on Mother's Day or your cousin marrying into an Orthodox family? If it's really the Mother's Day thing, it shouldn't matter what religion the wedding is.
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  • image smilygrl17:

    Depending how orthodox, men and women may be separated for dinner, the only time you wouldn't be would be during the shmorg. Although if she isn't orthodox, then maybe they compromised with mixed dinner seating. Or, another thing that some people do is have have a few mixed seating on the womens side

    IMO, if you've never gone to an orthodox wedding it is quite the experience. I LOVE going to orthodox weddings (I was orthodox for a while and have many under my belt) For me, I'm always the shy one who watches from my seat at events and never wants to get up and make a fool of myself. At orthodox weddings, for some reason, I am one of the most lively people on the dance floor. Even though dancing is separate, there is a part  that the bride gets taken over to the mens side and sits next to her husband and the men (sometimes some women-depends how 'frum') dance in front of them sometimes doing crazy fun things (dressing up in costume, juggling, basically just making the bride and groom laugh). On the brides side, it can be really fun too. The friends of the bride make a water bottle for her (decorated with ribbons, stickers, whatever-just something that the bride will enjoy-for one of my friends we used a 7-11 slurpee cup decorated) so that if you see shes getting thirsty you can give it to her quickly without having to run around finding water. They also find shtick that fit the bride- either created by themselves or borrowed at a gemach ( a lending store). When the bride starts to get a bit tired (having to dance around in very energetic circles if you've been fasting all day can become tiresome) someone will pull up a chair for her and then the ladies make fun dances in front of the bride (traditional 'bull' and cloth, or if you have a fun talent, I usually go for disco-and make a total fool of myself). It really is quite fun! There is usually a lobby area though that if you wanted to see your spouse you guys could go there. I would say go for it, you'll have a blast! (If it is mixed seating during dinner than check if your husband will know anyone otherwise it can be awkward for him).

    If you want any ideas for some shtick let me know!

    There was an Orthodox Jewish Australian groom that had a keg of beer covered in the Australian flag at his American wedding. Now, that was something.:)

    If you go, just don't wear anything that shows a "lot" of skin. Dress conservatively. You could get away with a long black skirt and a white shirt with some sort of evening jacket.

    If there's a bedekken -- and I'm sure there will be --- you're welcome to mix and mingle with the bride; there's usually a mini-reception that goes with it.

    There was this little old man that was the photographer --- he was climbing ladders to get pictures of the wedding while the dancing was in progress.

     

  • i'd definitely go if it were me. you can celebrate mother's day that morning. i've never been to an orthodox wedding, so i'd love to see what they are like.
  • image CurlyQ284:
    Her wedding is next weekend?  Im assuming you RSVPd already because you tyically have to do that farther in advance.  Do whatever you RSVPd for.

    I was thinking exactly this.


    image
  • Um what did you RSVP

    Have you ever been to a Jewish ceremony? Maybe you should consider it educational and open your mind a bit

  • I'd go but anything orthodox gives me the chills and I don't see any of it as charming or quaint...women are always the sh8t end of the stick it seems.  But I'm not marrying into it, so I'd attend regardless of mother's day. 
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