My DH and I just celebrated our 6-month wedding anniversary. And he is fabulous and supportive in every possible way - does the dishes, cleans, takes care of the yard. Things are great - except for the lack of sex. And frankly, it's making me a cranky, pissed off, emotional *** to my husband, which definitely doesn't turn him on! When we were long distance seeing each other only once a month, we'd have sex 3-4 times that weekend, plus a few sessions of skype sex in between.
But since we've been in the same home, I'm lucky if it's twice a month. DH says it's because "I let myself go" since we got married. Yes, I put on ~5-8lbs since the wedding (which I'm told is normal). And I'm trying. But there are months when I'm stuck working 80hrs/wk, am lucky to get to eat when I get a chance without much of a choice (hospital food), and can't make it to the gym - well, I backslide on the progress that I make on the good months. And honestly, I'm not fat - I've got a BMI of 25, which is just barely overweight. And I'm more muscled than I was before, as evidenced by the increasing reps and weight I can do when I DO go to the gym. And the months when I have made progress, it's not like my husband all of a sudden wants more sex vs the months that I've put on some weight.
I'm not sure what to do. On one hand, I am royally PISSED. Isn't this man supposed to love me no matter WHAT I look like? Because let's face it, I'm only going to get older, saggier, and more wrinkled with time. And what will a baby do to my body? (DH says then I'll have an excuse.) Or if I break my leg skiing and can't exercise at all for a while? DH doesn't go to the gym at all, he actually needs to GAIN weight if anything, and while he's hot stuff to me, objectively, he's not exactly a stud. And people say I'm pretty, I'm a nice person, and I freaking save lives working at the hospital all day. So what if I want some chocolate every now and then? Why do I have to bust my ass to improve our sex life? Why can't HE bring something to the table, like reading a damn book about sex, the fact that women DO take longer to orgasm, and the fact that lots of people gain a little newlywed weight?
On the other hand, DH has a point. I need to be healthy. And dammit, I REALLY want to have more sex, because to me, there's the lusty, fun sex, but it's also an important expression of love. To DH, sex is only physical. DH also says he feels like he does "all the work" although I can't get him in the sack frequently enough to remind him all the times that I do get on top or try other stuff. And he resents that I don't know if I can stay in our current city when I finish my training in a few years (but that was a given when we started dating).
Any advice? I was thinking a sex in exchange for # of times to the gym with a full on day of naked time if I lose 5lbs. And I'm starting to think that even then, we might need to seek counseling. Because I LOVE this guy, but I'm worried this is inflicting significant damage to our relationship. I don't want to be a *** to my husband because I'm a pissed off, horny woman. Seriously, EVERYTHING else is fabulous. And if we need counseling, then what type - sex or marriage?