I've known H 20 years, and we've been married 5. We have a beautiful 2yo LO together. Having our child was a mutually agreed decision to try for him.
We never fight in front of LO, and H is always kind and warm to him. He is a good father.
I grew up in a household where my mother worked part time and my father
full time. However all of the responsibilities were on my mother to
take care of my brother and I. In my H's family, his mother worked 2
jobs and his father as well, and his sister raised him. Our household
has leaned towards what I grew up in, H works 6-6p and I work PT and
everything falls on me (mostly) in the household.
H has grown over the past year to be quite apathetic towards anything
that I try to communicate to him about, whether it be issues with my
emotional and physical needs, or everyday household matters, his
interaction with DS and I is minimal. I have discussed this with him at
length over the past year, and he will acknowledge that he needs to
interact more...things will improve for a week or so...and then he
Then the cycle begins again. Its been over and over like that since LO was born.
H doesn't seem to want much physical/intimate relations with me. I am a
very sexually charged woman, and I have tried to "put moves" on him for
a while but he always finds an excuse why he can't...too tired, not
feeling well, etc. Prior to this year, we've always had relations maybe
2-3x per month, and now it goes on for 1.5-2mo before anything happens.
There seems to be no effort anymore...or if there is, its once in a
I don't know where I stand with him anymore. He doesn't pay many
compliments to me until we are in a fight, and then he will say
something sweet, but on a daily basis...nothing.
I've known him for 20yrs., so I think I know a little about him. He's
more mature now, but quite jaded. I can't explain it, when we were kids
he had this purity about him...a sweet innocence that I found quite
charming, this carried through when we got married too. Now he seems
bitter, and resigned to life, which seemed to show about a year after LO
was born. We met in middle school...and had a brief fling in
high school but nothing serious (no cheating/betrayal), but always stayed close friends. We
used to stay up late talking with each other until sunrise. I miss how
we used to talk, that he would care about what I had to say. When we
moved in together and got married, he still would care about me...care
about showing me affection. Maybe not buy me things, but he would show
affection by flirting, etc. He made me feel loved.
Something has changed.
I don't know if I'm ready to throw in the towel, but I need to get a
grip on what is going on, and not sweep it under the rug like I've been
doing for the past year. I've explained to him how I felt, and as
expected he blew it up in my face trying to make me carry the weight of
the issues in our marriage. He never likes to hear how he has done me
wrong. I refused to engage him with fighting which would only escalate
the issue more.
On the surface, no one knows. Not even my family. He makes nice in
front of others, and will openly flirt with me. At first I thought how
sweet it was...but now I know its a facade for our friends/family and
the reality is, this sucks.
I was thinking about temporary seperation, but I can't stay with my
family - they are too involved with our lives as it is. I want to stay
in a hotel, but an overnight stay isn't going to make this problem go
away...I just don't know what to do anymore and I hoped that coming here
would give me the clarification I'm looking for.