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Brother vs. Husband

Oh boy.  All I can say is I'm so happy to be in a place where I can put all this shiz into perspective.  Wanted to take a poll....

Brother hates husband....(with good, albeit outdated/resolved/however you want to say it, reason).

Husband, formerly a bit of a d-bag but thankfully has "seen the light" and since we've been married (For 8 years...EDIT) has been an amazing husband/father/partner/etc...  but he hates brother, for hating him.

Now, I love them both.  But seriously what is it about testosterone that always seems to make things such a gosh-darn big deal!?

My ruling to all parties is GET OVER IT ALREADY!  Which I'm sure they will, eventually.  But I was just wondering...

[Poll]

Re: Brother vs. Husband

  • You stayed married to a d-bag for 7 years?
  • No sorry, horrible wording... we broke up... THEN he got it together, we got married, and it's been 8 years... sorry for the lack of proofreading Embarrassed
  • image jbm925:
    No sorry, horrible wording... we broke up... THEN he got it together, we got married, and it's been 8 years... sorry for the lack of proofreading Embarrassed
    OH!  This makes more sense.... thanks. :)

     

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  • I think there should be an option that's not quite BFFs but not quite just "social". For us, it's difficult since my sister and her husband live hours from us, and my brother and his wife live in a different country.  But when my H sees my BIL or my brother, they're friendly and get along well. It's a geography thing - I think if we lived nearer to either couple, they'd be good friends.

    But then again, H gets along with pretty much anyone he meets. :)

  • If one of my brother was an asss to my husband I'd be having a talk with him real quickly to let him know that his behavior is completely unacceptable and would not be tolerated by me.

    If your brother still hates your DH 8 years later despite you saying that he's an amazing husband and father I doubt that he ever will get over it.

  • You need to tell your brother to "grow up."

     

    He doesn't have to be best friends with the guy, but to be polite is what is to be expected from you, for the sake of your children (his nieces/nephews).  Tell him that if he can't, then you can't see your brother anymore.  Period.

    Refuse to be surrounded by childish behavior, and you'd be surprised how everyone gets into line again. 

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  • Meh.

    I'd want to know what it was your DH did that was so awful your brother can't let it go. You might want to forgive and forget, but you can't force it on others.

    My sister is dead, so my DH doesn't have to get along with her. But her widower is still on the scene. He was a crappy husband to my sister and made much of her life hell. He squandered $40K of my sister's saving on cocaine as she was dying; money that should have gone to my nieces. He went into rehab and found himself during the 3 years immediately after my sister died leaving my family to care for his kids. The he realized they came with a SS check and took them away but left them in the care of a series of nutjob girlfriends.

    Yes, he's been clean and sober for 18 years. Yes, he's helped a number of people acheive sobriety including his new wife. Yes, he's changed. But for me? Too late to redeem himself. 

     

  • Because you asked "How do your sibblings get along with your spouse?" I answered "social", but if you had asked how my spouse gets along with my sibling, I would have put something much different.

    I think in this case, you just stay out of it and they will either get over their issues eventually or learn to ignore one another.

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  • my only sibling is 13 (half sister). she and dh get along fine-then again he wasn't an azzhole for many years like yours......are you sure he's "seen the light" or did you just get used to how he is?
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  • image Princess_Lily:

    Refuse to be surrounded by childish behavior, and you'd be suprised how everyone gets into line again. 

    Couldn't have said it better myself!  This is my take as well. 

    It's honestly something that's so old news that it shouldn't even be an issue anymore and I'm sure it'll blow over.  For now they are civil enough, which is okay with me.  It just came up in conversation recently and therefore I was just curious on here to see where peoples sibbling-spousal/partner relationships tended to fall...

  • image Mrs.Elsie:

    If one of my brother was an asss to my husband I'd be having a talk with him real quickly to let him know that his behavior is completely unacceptable and would not be tolerated by me.

    If your brother still hates your DH 8 years later despite you saying that he's an amazing husband and father I doubt that he ever will get over it.

    Good point.  I wouldn't let him be rude, and he isn't rude, to my H.  As another poster mentioned sometimes geography complicates it... we live pretty far away... and I think that's part of why it's been so stuck.  We visit, but only for a day or two at a time and my family is kind of like one big whirlwind of activity so it's hard for H and my brother to have a chance to hash it out and get over it because there's just never really been that opportunity.  My brother is coming out in the next few months to visit me and see his nephew and since it will be a more laid-back visit with less holiday hoopla planned that would be a good time.

  • image -auntie-:

    Meh.

    I'd want to know what it was your DH did that was so awful your brother can't let it go. You might want to forgive and forget, but you can't force it on others.

    This. It's fine to tell your brother that you won't listen to any negative comments about your H, but it is not your place to tell him to "get over it." You may be convinced that your H has changed, but your brother clearly is not and he is entitled to feel that way. You should be more concerned that your H is immature enough to dislike your brother for disliking him, even though his behavior caused the discord to begin with. That's not the attitude of someone who has "seen the light" and accepted responsibility for his actions.

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