I am writing you this post because I think our relationship has run its course. You've changed too much since we met, and I don't like it. I can't believe how selfish you are. Relationships are supposed to be about compromise, when all you do is take. You know, a little respect can go a long way. But the amount of respect you give me is only enough for ME to go a long way. A long way away from you, douchebag. Frankly, you just don't care enough about me. Luckily I care enough about me to make up for it, by saying goodbye to you. I don't know how to break it to you, but I found someone else to replace you. You know what they say: out with the old, in with the new!
All that nagging of yours worked, assuming your intent was to get rid of me. I'm not a puppet, you can't just control me by pulling on a string, so why do you try to control everything I do? I need my freedom, and there's nothing you can do about it.
Sorry, but you're not even worth keeping as a friend. It may be a typical line, but it's true: we just aren't meant for each other. I may have loved you at one time, but I'm definitely not in love with you. You're gonna have to learn to accept that. I never want to see you again, jerkface! Stay away from me or I'll beat you with a frozen salmon. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.
I won't miss your ugly face,
PS. You could have taken me on a cruise, that may have won my heart again.