August 2010 Weddings
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Thanks ladies.  I really appreciate all of your help.  I am going to call my dr. next week and get an appointment.  I will keep you posted.

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Re: DD'd

  • I think you need to start with seeing your doctor and get a referral for counseling and maybe a psych evaluation. And then I'd look at marriage counseling if your DH doesn't seem on board with what you're going through- maybe it would help him to hear it from a professional so he can learn to help you cope with all of this stuff.

    It sucks, I know. I've been in counseling since Mom died last year for grief-related anxiety and depression (no meds though), because no one else can really "listen" or "get" what I'm saying when I'm blah. But it's helped tremendously and maybe it will help you again.

    And we're always here for you too! Feel free to bounce ideas off of us or vent if you need to. ::hugs::

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  • Ditto moshi's advice.

    When I started reading the OP I honestly felt like I could have written it myself (except the turning 35 and grad school stuff of course...I will be 36 in a few months arg!)

    I have struggled with depression and anxiety for over 10 years now, was on meds for 4 years and gained over 60 pounds as a result.  I have carried that weight (up and down about 30 lbs) ever since and am trying to FINALLY be rid of it...since Feb 22nd (when we got the news re: infertility) I have noticed a severe change in my behaviours as well - almost exactly to what you are feeling, from what you wrote.  I am tired all the time, feel lonely but am pushing people away, and have stopped working out as I was in the beginning of the year.  I feel you, I hear you, I understand what you are dealing with - 100%

    I started seeing the psychologist through our EAP (employee assistance program) a week after we heard, but don't have another appt with her until next week (3 weeks lateer)...she's not a specialist with fertility issues, but she is a damned good psychologist and can help me through the feelings that I am struggling with.  I don't want to go back on meds because of how my body responds to them, so it's imperative for me to watch what I eat, feed myself only healthy things, do only healthy things and be around postive, helpful people.

    You NEED a support system, it's so important - and we are here for you of course - but we unfortunately can't provide the human contact that you will need.  Lean on your sister and at least one other friend that you trust...hopefully DH will come around and understand what you are dealing with isn't something that you can just 'shake off and get over' - PS I HATE it when people say sh*t like that to someone with mental health issues. How degrating and unhelpful - I am sorry that you had to hear that from the one person that should be the most understanding.  Perhaps he just needs to be educated on the subject a bit (I am not sure and I don't mean to be offensive when saying that either.)

    Lots of hugs to you and please lean on us as often as you need! Thank you for reaching out and trusting us! xo

  • *hugs*

    I definitely second what Moshi said about maybe going back to the doctor. Just to see what's going on in the grey matter.

    I've had a couple breakdowns like this in the past. Where my current situation in life just seems really overwhelming. Debt, body, financial situation (besides debt) all the negatives will be running through my head all at the same time and it just makes me feel helpless and hopeless. You really just have to take each issue at a time. You have applied for a new job, that's a great first step in the right direction to get your financial stability.

    As for questioning your decision to have kids, you shouldn't feel guilty if you want to change your mind, you're allowed to. I understand wanting to get financially stable first if you did decide to do it, you still have plenty of time though. If that's something you want, you'll find a way to make it work. If all those stupid 15 year-olds on the tv can do it, so can you :-) And if you decide you don't, that's just fine too. 

    The first thing that crossed my mind when reading what your DH said is that it sounds to me like he's been told "shake it off and get over it" many times in his life. I know with my DH, he doesn't know what to *do*. When I'm upset, he wants to fix it, but honestly doesn't understand fully 1. why I'm upset, and 2. that there is nothing in that moment he can do about it. Maybe your DH just really doesn't know what to do, and the fact that he just kept repeating that seems to me that he doesn't know what to say in that kind of situation either. (This is just in my humble opinion) I think a counselor would be helpful in helping to improve the relationship you have. 


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  • I am so sorry you are feeling this way. First of all it's a huge first step reaching out for help. I am so glad you chose to share with us and ask for support. This group of women are so supportive! 

    I understand the feeling of husbands not understanding. Most times men want to "fix" the problem and when they can't they tend to blow them off.  I totally agree with others in seeking some counseling. The counselor will listen which I think will help you tremendously. 

    I know you have no desire to exercise but if you could just do it a few days in a row I bet you would feel a lot better. It might be near impossible to fight through the resistance to do it but once you do you might feel better.

    Please  continue to ask for support from us. We are on your side!!!!!


  • I am so sorry you are going through this. You are not alone. My DH confided in me recently he was having some anxiety & depression symptoms. Luckily after we talked about it he started feeling a lot better. I think you should talk to a professional about everything if your husband isn't willing to listen right now. I know it's hard to believe but most financial situations aren't permanent. It took DH over a year to find a job after law school - he would get very depressed sometimes, but I reassured him it couldn't last forever and it didn't. Your finances will improve and things will fall into place. I hope you can find the help you need.
  • You poor thing, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. My heart was sinking when I was reading your post. I wish I could give you a huge hug.

    I agree with the rest of the girls, you definitely need professional help and I really hope that you can avoid the meds. Maybe it would be a good idea to have DH involved in the first few sessions so that he can learn about your issues withouth having to feel like he needs to help you, because the psychologist will be there for that.  I agree with PP that your DH may just not know what to do.  My DH tells me to shake it off any time I am bummed. I never get as bad as you feel, so I see how this may be hard for him to understand. 

    I feel a little helpless because I don't really have the experience of these types of feelings. I get bummed sometimes, and anxious when I think about work too much, but never like this. I wish I had some wisdom to share.  I am sending you lots of hugs and positive thoughts. Really hope you get the help and get better soon!!

  • I am so sorry that you are feeling this way :( Sending big hugs your way.  I can relate in that I suffered from Major Depression and Anxiety a few years back. It was to the point that I over dosed twice and and was cutting myself on a regular basis.  I strongly suggest finding a counselor that you trust and like! I owe a lot of my "recovery" to a wonderful counselor that I had through our health department.  If money is an issue for seeking help, that might be something to look forward to. For me they based what I paid each visit by my income.  It is VERY important to have a support system that you feel comfortable talking to.  It is great that you feel comfortable talking to your sister! I think sometimes a 3rd party can be very beneficial.

    I am sorry that your dh isn't being supportive.  I agree with a previous person who said maybe marriage counseling might be a good idea too.  I used to tell my dh that I didn't need him to tell me what he felt I needed to do, I just needed him to listen...

    Asking for help is a sign of remarkable strength, not weakness!  You deserve to be happy!! Just remember that even though things look dark right now, they will get better!  Sometimes it just takes some of us a little longer to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  You'll get there, I have no doubt about it.  Just keep talking about your feelings.  I wish you all the best and I hope you find someone that you feel comfortable talking to.  As always, we are  hear to listen too :) 

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  • Oh and I wanted to ask if you are on birth control... I know for some people it can cause pretty severe depression and change in mood.  I know I always had issues with it, and my sister had to change the pill she was taking because yaz made her so depressed while on it... Just a thought.
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