Entertaining Ideas
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Update on my post below

So the BM in question just told the bride today about not being able to make the shower, bachelorette, or rehearsal.  The bride asked her if she still wanted to be a part of the wedding.  Her reply, "yes, if you want me to be, but if you found a replacement I would understand."  WTH??  The bride wants my advice, but I'm finding it very difficult to give an objective opinion since this same chick backed out of my wedding 10 days prior.  WWYD?
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BFP #1 3/23/12 ~ EDD 11/29/12 ~ M/C 5/20/12 ~ D&E 5/21/12
BFP #2 10/21/12 ~ EDD 7/4/13 ~ Team Pink! Pregnancy Ticker

Re: Update on my post below

  • Does the bride know what the flake did for your wedding? 

    Personally, I think at this point it's okay to be honest with the bride.  Tell her that the chick flaked on you and it was stressful and hurtful.  It would be okay to ask her to step down and just be a guest.  I wouldn't replace her though.

  • Does the bride know that she backed out of your wedding 10 days before?  

    I don't think you need to be objective, just honest.  "Michelle, Christine backed out of my wedding 10 days beforehand.  She was acting all strange like she is now before she backed out of mine.  She gave lame excuses why she couldn't participate.  I feel like she'll do the same to you." 

    If the bride is ok with having a mismatched number of attendants on her wedding day, leave the girl in because it sounds like the likelihood of her dropping out is good.  If the bride cares about symmetry and wants to find a replacement, she should use this opportunity to do so.  If the bride doesn't want the last minute hassle (and who does?!), that's another reason why now is good.

    I know some people disagreed with me below, but being part of a bridal party is a team commitment, an obligation / duty / responsibility.  If you can't commit and participate, then you shouldn't say yes.  She's not only screwing with the bride, she's screwing with the X number of you other BMs, and that's damn rude in my book. 

  • I'm laughing at our posts tarheels.
  • I think you should tell the bride to tell the BM "No, I'm not replacing you or kicking you out, I'm asking you if you plan on being a part of the wedding, I need to know not to replace you, but just to proceed with plans going forward"
  • Re: "yes, if you want me to be, but if you found a replacement I would understand." WTH??

    I agree with the above posts... also her statement is a very passive way of saying she wants to drop out.  I would let her.  I had mis-matched BM's - ended up with my two young "Jr. BM's" being escorted by DH's friends in their 30's... was very cute and made them feel grown-up. :)

  • Thanks, ladies!  The bride told me this morning that the BM backed out last night, so all is resolved.
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    BFP #1 3/23/12 ~ EDD 11/29/12 ~ M/C 5/20/12 ~ D&E 5/21/12
    BFP #2 10/21/12 ~ EDD 7/4/13 ~ Team Pink! Pregnancy Ticker
  • imagevjcjenn1:
    I think you should tell the bride to tell the BM "No, I'm not replacing you or kicking you out, I'm asking you if you plan on being a part of the wedding, I need to know not to replace you, but just to proceed with plans going forward"

    Ditto this. Although I see she's already backed out, so now it's a moot point.

    Please encouage the bride not to find a replacement, if she's thinking of doing so. That's incredibly rude to both the backout BM and the "replacement" girl.

    image
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