Sex & Romance
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How should i go about getting intimacy back in my marriage?

Hey guys, I am sort of a lurker around the boards. My hubby and I have been TTC # 1 for about 3 years, we have had some trouble but I think i might have fixed the problem. (This question has nothing to do with TTC)

So I had a tumor on my pituitary gland and I recently had brain surgery to have the said tumor removed. I had alot of complications and because of it, i was in ICU for 7 days (instead of 24 hours) and was bedridden in the hospital for 6 of those days. This was 3 weeks ago (tomorrow) and I came home 2 weeks ago (tomorrow). I am finally getting around and I am able to function on less pain medication and currently doing PT twice a week.

Anywho, i feel like i am ready to start getting intimate again and have talked to hubby about it, but he really wants me to wait longer. I like the feel of sex and it makes me feel that much closer to him. I would like him to take me a little more seriously and at least try to have sex. I don't know how to go about it a way, that would make him feel more at ease with at least trying to have sex. When i bring up the subject, he is always like, "I would rather wait a little while longer until you are completly off pain medication and relying on tylenol instead." I am just craving the feel of his body close to mine, and craving the sexy feeling i have when i am with him sexually. At this moment, i feel more like we are roommates, then married. In no way am I thinking about leaving him, or fighting with him, I just want a little more intimacy with him and to feel closer to him. When i bring up any of this to him, he always reminds me that I just had brain surgery and he would like me to recover a little more, before we start having sex again. I think part of me just wants the feeling back and I am ready to start taking care of myself again, instead of having to rely on everyone else. Am i crazy for wanting to have sex again so soon after surgery? Has anyone else had to go through something similar to this?

(Just to be clear, I do not feel like our marriage is at stake because we haven't had sex in three weeks. I just want the "love" feeling. I know he is probably stressed because of my recovery and he has also been trying to work from home, as to keep an eye on me. I am just frusterated that I feel he doesn't want to touch me in that way, right now, I almost feel dejected.)

Re: How should i go about getting intimacy back in my marriage?

  • What is his concern over sex and pain medication?  I don't understand what the connection is.
    image
  • I am thinking this is a *psychological* one, being you just had surgery for a rather serious problem.

    Instead, why don't you try for sensuality and intimacy: just being together.:)

    Have some romantic nights in.  Bubble baths for 2 (if nature takes its course, great) -- provide some appetizers and candlelight and wine and some music the both of you like, to go with the bubble bath.

    How about doing things together? Pursue a common interest, take dance lessons together, just spend time together.:)

    Let nature take its course on this one. waiting a bit won't hurt.:)
  • I think in DH's mind that if I am completly off pain medication, i am "healed" and therefore he won't have to worry about "hurting me."

    But I will definetly try a bubble bath or something "intimate" to maybe get the mood going. I think i am just impatient and want to get back to normal as fast as possible. I know DH is looking out for my well being and i am just being an impatient wife.

    *sigh*

    Sex for me, is normal. Sex in my mind is i am getting back into routine.

    But thanks ladies for the advice, I will definetly try it.

  • Ahh!  That makes sense, like, you won't notice that he's injuring you and setting back your healing if your normal pain responses are deadened.  That makes a lot of sense.

    Is there something the two of you do, sexually, that is less vigorous and less injury-prone, but still enjoyable?

    image
  • I so agree with you!  Great advice!
    Ashlynn Monroe Live~Laugh~Love http://ashlynnmonroe.com
  • image ReturnOfKuus:

    Is there something the two of you do, sexually, that is less vigorous and less injury-prone, but still enjoyable?

    This is a good idea. Ease back into it a little bit if he is nervous about injuring you. Maybe a sexy massage for both of you to start?

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic *This is not legal advice*
  • feel better!

     

    f.k.a.= Derniermot
  • I would ask your neurologist about when it is safe to have sex again -- in addition to assuring it's safe, it may put your husband at ease about it. I can understand 100% where he's coming from. I really don't know how things like orgasms may increase intracranial pressure etc.
    image image
  • I found something interesting on sex after surgery.  http://surgery.about.com/od/aftersurgery/qt/SexAfterSurgery.htm
    Ashlynn Monroe Live~Laugh~Love http://ashlynnmonroe.com
  • image LolaNJoe:
    I would ask your neurologist about when it is safe to have sex again -- in addition to assuring it's safe, it may put your husband at ease about it. I can understand 100% where he's coming from. I really don't know how things like orgasms may increase intracranial pressure etc.

    This! I can definitely see how your husband might be a bit scared. Perhaps him hearing from a doctor that it is ok would put his mind at ease that he isn't going to hurt you would help. 

  • Yes it seems he is worried about hurting you so you need some hard and fast facts to back up how good you feel about being ready.

     And let him know that any sexual pleasure you receive will make you feel more connected to him, less stressed and will release lots of great endorphines that will make you feel good!

  • Hi! I've been married for seven years and we have three kids under age 6.  It gets tough to keep the intimacy, but I found a site called bedroomchemist.com and it's a really cute idea.  You sign up and they send you "kits" each month with ideas and products that help initiate intimacy.  So far so good!  Good luck!
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