I need help with my MIL.... don't know what to do

Lauren&patrick

You have gotten increasingly snippy with everyone.  You do realize that this is an internet message board right? 

 

There were dishes in the sink and while she has told us not to touches anything my hubby and I didn't dare disturb her cleaning ritual.....

 

 I NEVER asked her to clean up after me and my hubby and I NEVER asked her to take care of the dogs. She just can't wait until we come home from work to do what we need to to do.

 

So basically you left your stuff all over, dishes in the sink, etc... and left for work.  Your MIL, who lives in this house, and sees your mess ALL DAY LONG, got fed up, cleaned it up, and yelled at you.  I would have too.  Pick your stuff up as soon as you leave the room.  Do the dishes (exactly the way she wants) as soon as you are done eating.  This is not your house!   If there were no dishes in the sink, she couldn't have yelled at you for it.

 

 

that she had to annouce to the world what we have done wrong

 

The sting of reproach is the truth of it....

 

 And for everyone who is NOT getting the picture, I am not angry with the rules, I am angry with the presentation.

 

See above... 

 

And for those who do NOT know me, I do NOT leave her house dirty, SHE exaggerates

 

Perhaps, she feels that you leave her house dirty!  Did you ever think of how she feels?!  This is her house & her dishes.  It may not be a mess to you, but it's a mess to her.  And since it's her house & her dishes, it's a mess.

 

now, I should have explained, but I didn't.... you didn't know, but you could have asked

 

Again, this is an internet message board.  Tell the whole story. 

 

unless you can give me sound advice on  how to deal with her than do not respond because telling me to move (we are trying) or telling me to act like an adult (which I do, but I can't say the same for some) have all ready been said.

 

 You have been given sound advice.  You need to change your actions.  Stop blaming her for your poor relationship- she is only partly to blame.  Relationships are a two way street. 

 

jillboston

I'm so old I remember when you saved up for a house. I'm assuming that the offer you had put in on the house involved a deposit? I can't imagine a situation where a deposit on a house would be less than security and first month's rent.

 It's also interesting how you characterize the anger over the dishes. You say she never "asked" you to do the dishes. Do you (or your DH) need to be asked to do your dishes? They should be done immediately after finishing the meal. Period. When you're in your own house you can let them pile up to the ceiling - but not in anyone elses house.

I can see why she drinks..

TarponMonoxide

fatimasdancer:

Wow, mob2006.... thank you. That is great advice.I started looking into the signs and symptoms of alcoholism and I am unsure if she is one. I think attending an alanon is a great option to at least learn about alcoholism. I do not know where we would be. I am grateful they are helping us and because I am going to a job fair in like a week I could be anywhere in the state. we may have moved in with his brother who lives nearby just until after the job fair. Thank you again. what you said is perfect sense. YAY!! You put a smile on my face!

Oh. So now you say Oh, I might attend alanon...

I said that much earlier on in this thread -- and I also suggested ACA for your H.

And I'm trying to unravel what else you 've said -- are you saying that you might move in with his brother next? Sheesh....it never ends, does it?

Cehiya

I also live in Fairfax... Fairfax is a pretty expensive area and there aren't many apartments available unless you're willing to sign a lease for 12 months. I would just say really start searching for a new house now or move in with the BIL that was mentioned earlier. Just a thought