Sex & Romance
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DH wants me with another woman?

I don't even know what to think anymore. We just had our baby back on November and it's been a little difficult getting back into our sex groove. Well DH and I were talking about ways for me to feel sexy again and suggested that I should try picking up a girl at the bar and experimenting with her. I'm a little worried that my DH would be so comfortable with me with another person, even if it's a woman. Is this just my sex-craved DH fantasizing out loud or should I take him serious and go for?? What do you ladies think?
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Re: DH wants me with another woman?

  • image HPickle23:
    I don't even know what to think anymore. We just had our baby back on November and it's been a little difficult getting back into our sex groove. Well DH and I were talking about ways for me to feel sexy again and suggested that I should try picking up a girl at the bar and experimenting with her. I'm a little worried that my DH would be so comfortable with me with another person, even if it's a woman. Is this just my sex-craved DH fantasizing out loud or should I take him serious and go for?? What do you ladies think?


    Are you serious? You really and truly want to do this.

    My take:

    He's a scuzz. 

    I for one would see the reddest of red flags on this one. Fantasies are one thing but telling your wife "oh honey it would be really hot for you and another woman to get it on" is quite another.

    Ha. Suppose you turned the skeevy table and told him, "no, I want to see another guy slam you; just you and him; what do you say? That would really get me hot and make me feel very sexy"? Let's see how receptive he is to that.:(

    He can't be serious. And even if he is, beware.

    "Just another woman"? Honey, sex is sex, whether you are with somebody of the same sex or the opposite sex.

    And it will take you awhile to get back into the sex groove. Taking care of a child is tiringt and remember: your hormones are probably still in flux; it's only 4 months since you've had your child. And bear in mind every woman, and every couple, is different.

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    WTF? He WANTS you to cheat on him? He wishes you were a lesbian? How would that benefit him or your marriage? Women who feel sexier dating other women are called lesbians.

    What do YOU want to do? If you want to work out your sex/marital problems, the two of you need counseling.

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    WTF? He WANTS you to cheat on him? He wishes you were a lesbian? How would that benefit him or your marriage? Women who feel sexier dating other women are called lesbians.

    What do YOU want to do? If you want to work out your sex/marital problems, the two of you need counseling.



    What slays me is how he sprung this on his wife, clear out of nowhere.

    What behooved him to think you'd think the idea is a great one???

    And how do you suppose he expected his wife to react to the "deal"?

    You're supposed to be thrilled with the suggestion -- and this is why he came up with this wonderful idea.

    Something stinks on ice here -- I am wondering if this guy is thinking of having an affair, or is already having one -- or he somehow isn't happy with the sex life he has/had with his wife and he's not going to man up and communicate with her as an adult would.

    Something isn't right here. And I still say he is a skeeve.

    What I think the OP should do:

    Sit down and ask him straight away why he suggested, out of the blue, that she pick up another woman and have sexual contact with her. Why did he feel the need to communicate this type of concept to his wife and why does he think this is such a fabulous idea for his wife?

    Why is this idea so very important to him? Ask him that.

  • srgwsrgw member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Would picking up a woman at a bar make you feel sexier? I'm incredulous that your H suggested this. If you feel the tiniest bit uncomfortable with his plan just say no. 
  • Tell him what would REALLY make you feel sexier is HIM picking up a MAN in a bar and experimenting with him. Then  he can let you know how it went!


  • image magsugar13:
    Tell him what would REALLY make you feel sexier is HIM picking up a MAN in a bar and experimenting with him. Then  he can let you know how it went!

    This....Yes

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  • image DragonflyBelle:

    image magsugar13:
    Tell him what would REALLY make you feel sexier is HIM picking up a MAN in a bar and experimenting with him. Then  he can let you know how it went!

    This....Yes



    I suggested that also. All 3 of us are spot on.
  • I am absolutely blown away by this. What the hell? You just gave birth to his child no more than 4 months ago and to "get your groove back" he's suggesting you hook up with another woman?!?!? I have two words for you: SCUM BAG.

    You want to fix things with him? You need to have a serious sit-down and discuss what could possibly have made him suggest such a thing. I just, I have no words. If my husband suggested such a thing after I've given birth to his child only months earlier, I have to think I would be absolutely devestated.

    Please don't let this slide.

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  • I just had a baby in October and I've barely gotten back into the swing of things with MH. I can't imagine letting a stranger anywhere near my vag right now. Holy hell. If he wants to make you feel more sexy, I would tell him that being together with 2 men at the same time would make you feel really sexy. Ask him if you can take home a man from the bar instead. PersonPerson
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  • You don't seem to be angered by the suggestion. Is there a reason he would think you would be into it? Would you be into it?
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  • I'm going to go a little astray from other posters and just tell you to ask yourself if this is something that you would want ever.  If you have thought about it or discussed it before, that could be why he is bringing it up (although the timing may not be perfect).  I know people that this works for (going so far as to go to websites dedicated to this sort of thing and meeting people that way).  It isn't for every one but, hey, if it is something you may dig, go for it!

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  • HAs this happened before ??? I find it odd that he pulled that out of the air! 

    What ever floats you boat but if this is something you have never discussed before than I'd say there's something else going on.

    Just say no and have a mature chat with him 

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  • image crystalbaby:
    I just had a baby in October and I've barely gotten back into the swing of things with MH. I can't imagine letting a stranger anywhere near my vag right now. Holy hell. If he wants to make you feel more sexy, I would tell him that being together with 2 men at the same time would make you feel really sexy. Ask him if you can take home a man from the bar instead. PersonPerson


    2 men!!!

    Not 1....but 2 men!!!

    NOW yer cookin' with gas!!!

    Who's with me on this one???

    To the OP:

    Don't let this slide, as a PP stated. Something is weird here -- unless this is something you kicked around a while back, as somebody else suggested. (I doubt the OP was toying with the idea in the past)

  • Oh FFS some of you are super uptight.  Are you into this idea, OP?  If so, then I suggest you go for it.  Just know that it's not exactly easy to pick up a random same sex partner in a bar.  Why don't you and your husband go out one night and talk/flirt with some women and then go home and talk about your fantasies?  Try it on for size before taking the plunge.
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  • Ew, don't pick somebody up from a bar! If you try this, you should take the time to get to know her at least a little, so you can have a conversation about whether she's been tested, if she's had any tattoos done lately, what her stance on dental dams might be, and those sorts of questions that will keep you from getting hep/the clap/who know what.
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  • I would not do this. I know from experience that it can destroy your relationship. In t may cause strain on the trust in your relationship. I really hope you guys can figure things out. Introducing another person shouldn't be the answer.
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  • I'm all for experimentation if it floats your boat but you just had a baby a few months ago.  Ummm, NO.  Even if this is something you discussed in the past, his timing in bringing this up is terrible.  I couldn't even imagine going to a bar to pick some woman up, much less with a baby at home.  Just say NO.
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  • Worst idea ever.
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  • And the OP has not been back.

    Maybe there is backstory to this suggestion. Indeed maybe he or she brought this up in the past, it was a possibility then... and he's now suggesting it as a possibility.

    Could very well be that their sex life is lacking. And he suggested this as a way to steam things up.

    SURE their sex life is "lacking". Your wife just had a child; her hormones are in flux and baby weight doesn't exactly make a woman feel the sexxiest or the most self confident.

    If your sex life has "problems", OP: give it time. You and he just became parents in November. It's a scant 3+ months later. Your H needs to learn lessons in patience...and what he suggested still is a terrible idea, if he brought this up out of nowhere and said it.

  • I don't really see a problem with this so long as it's something you're into.

    It might just be that your husband is voicing fantasies and realistically wouldn't have a clue what to do if it actually happened. Just talk it through with him, play with it as a verbal fantasy and then after a couple hot and spicy chats, ask him if that really is something he wants you to do and voice all of your feelings on the issue.

    If it would make you feel sexy, go for it. If it would boost your self esteem or ego, go for it. But make sure ahead of time that you're doing it for you and not for your husband. As much as guys fantasize about their wives with other women, they don't want their wife hurt emotionally just for their fantasy.

    Be confident in what you want and make sure you communicate way more than you think is needed. 

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  • Well...that's definately something you have to decide for yourself.  If you're interested in being with a woman and feel that you might be bi-curious and you are willing to practice safe sex go for it, but if you aren't into women but do like the idea of a 3-way suggest a man A-unless DH is bi-curious too you'll know if his motives were to rock your world instead of his own.  B-some people do enjoy this, not me but I know a few folks.  C-you have to do what feels good and right to you.  Morality aside if you bring a strange woman home you'll have to deal with your hubby kissing and touching another woman.  Not only will you know he hasn't been faithful but you'll have to live with the memory.  Sometimes fantasy is much better and a heck of a lot less messy than reality.  Maybe rent a XXX together or buy some erotic fiction, you can find a stuff of stuff on Amazon and search specifically for menage works.  Reading this stuff aloud together might get your engines running without the painful reality if it doesn't go as planned.  If he has a woman in mind be very watchful, he may be cheating already, or planning too.  This is a really slippery slope.  Maybe your mystery woman will have chemistry with your man and suddenly your a single mother.  If you decide to make fantasy a reality please have a list of writen ground rules that you've both agreed to ahead of time and try to find a participant that you know and trust.  You have a child to think about and STD's could hurt or kill you.  Whatever you do I wish you all the best, and I hope you'll both still be happy when it's over.  Please be careful.  **hugs** 
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  • be very careful with this.  It could be something that he thinks he into until it happens - then you have to deal with the fall out of that.   In some cases the spouse considers it cheating even if he was the one who initiated it.  Caution is the best policy

     

  • I think that this is something you have to decide for yourself, no one on here can tell you if you should do this or not.  You have to really consider how it makes you feel & how you would feel after the fact.  This is your marriage and your family & every decision you make can have an impact on it.  That being said - I think if it doesn't bother you that  1 - he suggested it or 2- to actually be with another girl, then why not?  A lot of couples bring in outside people to spice things up.  

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  • I think I really want to know what has happened since this was posted at the beginning of the month. I know what I would personally do, which is make a comment like the ones that have already been suggested above (why doesn't he go pick up a man) and then ask him VERY seriously if he meant it. We would then be having a very long chat about his motives and mental well being. But honestly it sounds like there might be more to the story, and after reading all of the comments and seeing that OP has yet to answer anybody or update the post, I am curious as to what went down.

    Really I believe that this can only hurt a marriage, even if it doesn't seem to at first. It creates a door to cheating. And once trust starts to slip away it is impossible to get back without time and hard work. Not only that, but this little girl will find out about this someday. I love my own mother, but I have found out things she has done that she has tried with every breath she takes to keep me from knowing. It comes out. You have to think about how this will effect your child. She is only a baby but she won't be that way for long. Take this all for a grain of salt, I have really only been married for 6 days. But I know kids. I work with them, and I have seen how these things can crush them. Every decision we make our entire lives, before our children are even a sparkle in our eye, effect them in some way. (Not the juice we drank on the morning of our first day of 6th grade, you guys know what I mean here.) And then there are STD's. I won't even start on those. Bottem line, not a decision to make lightly.

    When it comes right down to it though, none of our advice matters, it is up to the OP and her H. Scuzz bag or not, that's her hubby and the father of her child. And it has been so long that I pray they have taken care of it by now. I don't know this family, but I pray they came out of this even stronger than they were before. This could have been an opportunity to grow, or to become weak. I hope for the best. 

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