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BIL coming on to me?!?

My brother-in-law (who is also a long-time family friend of my mom's, and is my husband's best friend) recently found out his wife has been hanging out again with a man she had an affair with. Since then, he's started coming on to me, sending me dirty text messages and pictures, and trying to get me to hook up with him. The more I say no, or stop, the more aggressive he gets with it. I'm afraid to say anything to anyone, because I don't want to mess up things with my husband and him, or between him and my family, but I don't know what to do. I live down the street from him and we're both stay-at-home parents, so we see each other all the time, and I can't really just avoid him. Tomorrow he's watching our baby while I take my older daughter to the dentist, and now he's sending me texts like, "This is going to happen when you get back to pick the baby up," and "I'm not asking, I'm telling" and that kind of crap. It's just getting to the point where I can't just deal with it, and it makes me uncomfortable to be keeping a secret like that from my husband. What would you do?

Re: BIL coming on to me?!?

  • I would not keep it a secret. You're worried about messing up their friendship? You have your head up your ass. Tell your husband. Now. With proof of texts before it gets turned around on you. If he's that aggressive through text when he has a lot to lose (being so close to your husband and mother) what is to say he won't be forceful with you? Who exactly are you trying to protect? And I certainly wouldn't be letting him watch my baby. 
  • Keeping secrets like that will ruin your marriage.  And do not let this lunatic watch your child.  Bring the baby with you.  Tell BIL to cut it out or you're taking his rape threatening lunatic texts to the police.
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  • image Kimbus22:
    Keeping secrets like that will ruin your marriage.  And do not let this lunatic watch your child.  Bring the baby with you.  Tell BIL to cut it out or you're taking his rape threatening lunatic texts to the police.
    Seriously.  I would be freaked the heck out if he was saying those things to me.  That definitely sounds like a rape threat.  Please please pleeeeease don't let him watch your child, tell your husband... heck, tell everyone.  This situation sounds so unsafe for you.  Gah! 
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  • DO NOT let this man come over to your house and watch your children!!! Whether he means it that way or not, it seriously sounds like he is threatening to rape you. You need to tell your husband NOW, and make alternate arrangements for your kid. And I would seriously think about taking it to the police, because this man does not sound stable at all. Based on what he has sent you, you may have enough for a restraining order already.
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  • I'd tell my husband.  This is one of those things that is stupid to keep to yourself, I get the whole "I don't want to mess things up between him and the family" but things are already messed up if he's acting like this.


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  • secrets secrets are no fun, secrets secrets hurt someone
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  • Um, so this guy is pretty much promising to rape you when you pick up your kid and you're worried about friendship??
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    Husbands should be like Kleenex: Soft, strong, and disposable.
  • Not to point out the obvious or anything, but this guy is a really sh*tty friend to your husband.
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  • How is this person your babysitter?

    This is gross.

     

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    Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
  • You're okay with leaving your child with someone who is telling you he plans on raping you? Are you stupid?
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  • So, is this your husband's brother or your sister's husband?  Either way, why the eff are you worried about telling either one of them (or your mom, for that matter) about a guy who is basically threatening to rape you?  And ditto everyone else - why are you leaving your baby with him?  Make other arrangements or take the baby with you.
  • I keep coming back to this post and being irrationally angry that the OP is so f'ing stupid. WHY are people so painfully and stupidly stupid? WHY WHY WHY.

  • Oh he!! no! Tell you H asap! Do not let this dovche watch your baby or older child ever! I would want my H to know what an @sshole he was friends with so he could unfriend him. Who cares about rocking the boat with family?! You need to worry about keeping you and your kids safe.
  • I also keep coming back here because I want OP to come back and say that we are right and she is not going to leave her kids with this crazy person and she is going nowhere near him again.
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  • image TSD:

    I keep coming back to this post and being irrationally angry that the OP is so f'ing stupid. WHY are people so painfully and stupidly stupid? WHY WHY WHY.

    Haha.  Seriously, THIS.  After I read a few of these I realize everyone on the nest is about 23 years old.   

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