June 2008 Weddings
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Thank You Notes

Do people just not do them?  Is it a thing you are either raised to do or not?

I am bent out of shape because we gave each of Jane's teachers Christmas gifts this year and heard................nothing.  You probably don't recall but I'd talked about what to get them as there was a 'group gift' option but, to us, it seemed too "skimpy", for lack of a better word.  So, we went out on our own and gave gifts (money basically, they were gift cards) and gave what I consider to be a very generous one to her main teacher.  We handed out the wrapped packages to them in person and they said thank you but nothing once they actually opened them. 

Is this a faux-pas or am I being too sensitive?  I've heard of opening a gift in front of someone and if you thank them in person you may be able to get away without a card, but they didn't actually open them.

Re: Thank You Notes

  • We were raised to always, always, always write thank you notes.  I write thank you notes to my parents for B-day and Christmas gifts that I opened in front of them.  It's just what we do...  I wrote a thank you note to a co-worker for going above and beyond to help me out in the office...

    I think that a lot of people have gotten lax about it - which makes me sad because I obviously feel strongly enough about it to make it a priority.  I'd be bent out of shape as well.

    ...for instance, I coordinated a gift for a co-worker and collected like $350 for them as a gift for their new baby.  Thank you card?  Nah.  They did send flowers when I was in the hospital...so I am letting it slide. :-)

  • I might get flamed for this but I don't thank-you notes very often, especially if I opened the gift in front of the person and was able to express my gratitude at that time. If I don't open it in front of them, I almost always call to thank them for the gift, which I think is just as personal if not more so than writing a thank-you.

    I never expect a thank-you from anybody I give a gift to. I'm usually very content with the thank-you I get after they get it, I know that they are grateful.

    With that being said, I was never taught to write thank-yous for every gift. I only did them for big occasions: graduation, wedding baby showers, etc...

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  • When I was teaching, I did not do thank you notes.  I didn't have addresses and didn't necessarily have the ability to give them directly to the parents.  I did, however, thank the parents the next time I saw them (I opened the gifts at home).

    I am big on writing thank you notes, and usually do so whenever I get a gift.

  • Good points.  The teachers last year wrote notes and stuck them in the cubbies so I guess that's what I was thinking?  I don't know I just think it's strange to have said NOTHING.

    I see and speak to them every.single.day that a simple "hey, how was your Christmas break, by the way thank you so much for the gift card....' would have been fine.  I guess I was thinking TY note only because no one said anything to me.

    ETA: I guess I am just mostly miffed because most of the teachers were really the afternoon helpers (HS and College girls).  Jane's main teacher is an adult and this is her full-time job. We made a point to write each of them a personal note of thanks too.  I am just ticked at the main teacher lately for other reasons and this is adding fuel to the flame.

  • image naylon511:

    Good points.  The teachers last year wrote notes and stuck them in the cubbies so I guess that's what I was thinking?  I don't know I just think it's strange to have said NOTHING.

    I see and speak to them every.single.day that a simple "hey, how was your Christmas break, by the way thank you so much for the gift card....' would have been fine.  I guess I was thinking TY note only because no one said anything to me.

    ETA: I guess I am just mostly miffed because most of the teachers were really the afternoon helpers (HS and College girls).  Jane's main teacher is an adult and this is her full-time job. We made a point to write each of them a personal note of thanks too.  I am just ticked at the main teacher lately for other reasons and this is adding fuel to the flame.

    Woah, wait. They didn't even say thank you to you?! That would piss me off too!

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  • I don't do them all the time for myself, but I do feel it is good practice. If it is a larger, special or unexpected gift, I will certainly do one. 

    I guess it depends on the giver and if I think they would appreciate the time I take to write a thoughtful thank you ... like granny ALWAYS gets a thank you, my coworker who gave me and every other girl in the office an ornament for Christmas, not so much. 

    I will teach Zac how to write a thank you card, I think it is a good way to teach your kids to do something kind for someone else and it's a way to open discussion about being grateful. I made thank you cards for everyone who gave Z a gift at his birthday party a few weeks ago, I wrote them as if I were him (queer probably) and did arts and crafts with him to put his hand print on each.

    I love snail mail too, it seems so much more personal/thoughtful.
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  • image Jennrs:
    image naylon511:
    guess I was thinking TY note only because no one said anything to me.

    Woah, wait. They didn't even say thank you to you?! That would piss me off too!

    No!  That's the thing. 

    Here is the scene:  Christmas week 2011 the day of the school show/party/early dismissal for the Holiday.  Everyone is eating, talking, etc.  I seek each of them out and hand them a wrapped gift.  No indication of what it was.  They said like "oh thanks, Merry Christmas" when I handed it to them but they had no idea what the gift was.  I don't think you can thank someone for a gift you haven't opened.

    IF they had opened it and said thank you or later, after opening it alone, said thank you I would not care.  It's the fact that nothing was ever said. 

  • I was raised to write notes for everything.  I would be upset.  Our lady and her kids that we gave gifts too didn't give us a note. But I am more bent out of shape about teh girl who I threw a shower for at school--and no note for the shower or the presents.
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  • image amybyrd:
    But I am more bent out of shape about teh girl who I threw a shower for at school--and no note for the shower or the presents.


    Er - "these girls" irk me more than Nylon's situation too.
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  • image trickeytricky:
    image amybyrd:
    But I am more bent out of shape about teh girl who I threw a shower for at school--and no note for the shower or the presents.


    Er - "these girls" irk me more than Nylon's situation too.

    Yea, that would make me stabby.

  • I was raised to always write thank you notes.  I still do to this day!  DH laughs at me for trying to get them done. 

     I'm a teacher, and I always try to write my kids thank you notes for Christmas gifts.  I either try to mail them during winter break or send them home when they return.  I felt incredibly guilty because I didn't write thank yous to the kids who gave me valentine gifts.

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  • I wasn't raised to write thank you notes to people for gifts, at all really. I've written them for every event as an adult, though (college grad, wedding events, housewarming, etc). I also always write them to my students. I usually don't have time during the day to give them to the students right away, but I make sure I have their addresses to mail the thank yous from home. I know that not all teachers do this, though. Some of my coworkers think it's strange that I do, but I know the kids think it's fun to get a card in the mail from me, the parents appreciate it, and I hope it's setting a good example for the kids.

    I would be really aggravated in your situation.

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  • image Jennrs:

    I might get flamed for this but I don't thank-you notes very often, especially if I opened the gift in front of the person and was able to express my gratitude at that time. If I don't open it in front of them, I almost always call to thank them for the gift, which I think is just as personal if not more so than writing a thank-you.

    I never expect a thank-you from anybody I give a gift to. I'm usually very content with the thank-you I get after they get it, I know that they are grateful.

    With that being said, I was never taught to write thank-yous for every gift. I only did them for big occasions: graduation, wedding baby showers, etc...

    This is me too. I'll also send a thank you if a gift is mailed, but if it happens in person I think a personal thank you is enough. I'd probably be annoyed in Naylon's situation though. As a teacher, I ALWAYS write thank you cards for gifts. 

  • image Jennrs:

    I might get flamed for this but I don't thank-you notes very often, especially if I opened the gift in front of the person and was able to express my gratitude at that time. If I don't open it in front of them, I almost always call to thank them for the gift, which I think is just as personal if not more so than writing a thank-you.

    I never expect a thank-you from anybody I give a gift to. I'm usually very content with the thank-you I get after they get it, I know that they are grateful.

    With that being said, I was never taught to write thank-yous for every gift. I only did them for big occasions: graduation, wedding baby showers, etc...

    Same here. All of it. 

  • I write thank you notes for things that aren't reciprocated regularly, if that makes sense. I did thank you notes for my wedding, my showers, baby gifts, etc. but I do not do thank you notes for my birthday or Christmas gifts. I say thank you, but I don't write a note because I give a gift in return (at the same time at Christmas, obviously, and at  that person's birthday) and don't expect a note.
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