Okay seriously. Some of you will remember me from the "What's in a Name Post?" But, baby came on the 23rd and now Mama's boobies are the size of Ms. Parton's. I'm not a huge fan of country and never in my life did I imagine that I'd be able to liken myself to this particular vocalist OR that I'd be upset about HUGE boobs, but here I find myself.
At the end of pregnancy I was salivating over thoughts of being able to sleep comfortably...finally. Yeah. NOT happening. These bad boys are so huge that sleeping on my back makes my chest cavity ache. And, sleeping on either side is actually impossible. The breast tissue in my armpits prevents me from having any way to comfortably position my arms and that's even with a body pillow! Let's not even discuss sleeping on my front side. Like that could happen.
DD is a trooper feeding frequently, but even the little piggy she is (not joking, she makes snorting sounds while nursing) can keep up with my vast lactation reservoirs.
I need a crown. All hail the Milk Goddess! Please chant that.
I've also discovered that my dainty little box of disposable nursing pads (36 count) that I used with DS just fine isn't going to cut it. Do Sam's or CostCo sell disposable nursing pads in bulk? Can I buy stock in Lansinoh?
To releave some discomfort, I have finally found a purpose for DS's previously-used teething rings. Yep. Now frozen. These little stinkers wrapped in TP or a paper towel (Brawny size) sure do the trick...for 15 minutes. Some may think this is disgusting, but let me tell ya sisters, desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm also putting my Medela pump to the task. It's a Swing one, so not very large. But it's like the Little Engine That Could. It keeps chugging along helping me find a modicum of relief. If it dies, well them I'm SOL.
I get a little thrill watching my yellow booby juice squirt violently out of my nipples. "Ahh haa. Take that you disagreeable foe! I will send you away to a tiny plastic bag, label you with a Sharpie, and send you to an icy home in my side-by-side Samsung fridge. Where you can hang with some pizza, odd veggie mixes and the aformentioned remainder of DS's chew toys."
DH seems pleased. I can see his eyes light up with awe." BIG BOOBIES! Ohhh can I put my face in between them?" He didn't actually say this, he is wiser than that. But, I know how a man's mind can work. He stays at a respectful distance - admiring from afar.
The lactation consultant I'm in contact with is a sweet, wonderful lady. A huge help and encouragement. But, okay lady, Motrin to releave some swelling isn't working. I'm dealing with two basketballs here on a 5' 3" frame. I knew there was a reason I disliked basketball.
I guess it's back to sleeping proped up in bed. Darn. I thought I had it made.
Just wanted to stop in and share with you all. Hope you enjoyed my "rant." A few laughs or knowing nods? Amen to that. Never been here? Have no idea? LUCKY YOU! Enjoy your rest.
P.S. We named her Kate Irene. Thanks for all your input.