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Email my AUNT sent STBX. Yes, my AUNT is now involved. (LONG)

Here is the exact text of an email my aunt sent to my STBX the other night.  My STBX called me right away to tell me about it, and then he forwarded it to me.  Thank God my STBX and I are amicable and trying to maintain a friendship for the sake of the children.  He thinks both my Aunt and my Mom are crazy.  What kind of family turns on their own flesh and blood like this?  These are the same people who called the police on my STBX last year for abusing my son.  Now, my aunt is labeling ME as an abuser?  Who are they to judge me and assume they know everything about the relationship between me and STBX?   This is beyond ridiculous at this point. 

When I called my aunt to talk to her about it, she said, "You are on a path of self destruction and you have been your whole life."  She started listing every infraction - every single time I've ever been in trouble since I was in fifth grade, to prove that I'm on this path of self destruction.  Stupid stuff, like getting detention, getting caught shop lifting a stuffed animal when I was 9, etc.  Then, she said my Mom has always "gotten me out of scrapes and she's not doing it anymore."

I mentioned that my own mother dated a married man, hacked into my sister-in-law's email and got into legal trouble for it.....isn't that self destructive?  But of course, my aunt didn't want to hear about that.  Getting detention in 7th grade is self destructive, but dating a married man is OK. 

She also said it's "self destructive" for me to be maintaining a relationship with my own father.  My parents divorced when I was 16, and my Mom HATES him.  She always told everyone that he was verbally abusive to my brother and I, but he wasn't!  She just wanted to make him look bad to everyone.  However, my brother has had a relationship with my father and that's's just self destructive for me.   

She also mentioned something about me dating.  I said, "Do you know that STBX has been dating for 6 months now?"  She said, "So what?"'s self destructive if I'm dating, but if STBX is dating, it's okay?  She said it was and she wished him peace and happiness.  WTH!



Hi _____,
   I hope you are doing well. I wanted to write and tell you that there are some shocking things that I have learned about Jaime, that I wasn't aware of in the past, that have come to light in the last few weeks. I just want to say I am sorry for thinking that you were the main reason things went sour between you and Jaime. I didn't realize that Jaime was so emotionally and verbally abusive to you during your relationship with her. I didn't realize that she was creating so many unrealistic demands on you as a father and husband. Again, I'm sorry for only seeing one side of the story and not getting a clearer view. I was duped by many things. I also want you to know that I am so glad that you are continuing counseling and living a happier life. I only pray that Jaime can see how self destructive her behavior is to herself and her Mom. Jaime is not allowing her Mom to even come and visit the children at Jaime's house or even allowing them to stay at her Mom's overnight. I am quite at a loss at her behavior. I'm pretty shocked and disspointed in Jaime. I've told her Mom that she has to let Jaime go and let her live her life and let her learn by her mistakes not matter how painful. Her Mom has been too protective of Jaime and has been there way to much in helping her get out of scrapes her entire life. Her Mom is now just realizing this. But none the less, she is hurt beyond words by how Jaime is so emotionally manipulative.
   About a month ago, before many things came to light, Jaime very innocently emailed a request to me to write a narrative of my observations of you, and how you acted toward her and the children. I totally regret doing this, especially in light of what has transpired of late. I tried to be objective in my letter, but it does not paint a great picture of you or of all your good qualities, especially now that I see clearly of what you were up against in dealing with Jaime. Again, when I wrote the letter I was not aware of what you were up against with Jaime and then on top of that, your work schedule, lack of sleep and dealing with the kids. I am going to ask Jaime to not ever use this letter against you and if she doesn't listen, I will contact her attorney and tell him that I recant what I said. I'm sorry I ever wrote it.
  I am happy that you are in a better place and still going to counseling. I wish you well and hope that you and Jaime can some day have a healed relationship of mutual respect. I will pray for that.
I would also appreciate it if you would please keep this correspondance private. Just between the two of us. Please do not send this to Jaime as you did with her Mom's letter. Jaime sent me an email that had a forward of her Mom's letter that she sent you. I would really appreciate it if you read this and then either deleted it or just stuck it in a private file folder. I'll let you decide.
Take care and give the kids a big hug and kiss for me.


Re: Email my AUNT sent STBX. Yes, my AUNT is now involved. (LONG)

  • That's messed up. If I were you, that would be the last time I spoke to my aunt.
  • Holy crapppppppp!  I don't know how I could keep myself from showing her some abuse!

     Please cut these crazies out of your life.  It's not worth the drama.  I might get the side-eye for this, but I wouldn't let my kids see them either.  Who knows what kinds of things they would say to your children about you.  This whole situation makes me rage for you. 

    Visit The Nest!
  • SERIOUSLY!  Everything she said in her email is complete bullshiit.  Everything HE was up against?  What about ME!?  HE was abusing me and my children!  I am a teacher - MY work schedule is crazy, too.  What about MY lack of sleep!?  Jesus H.  I just don't understand my family.  Who sympathizes with your own niece's STBX like this!? 
  • I would let your aunt know that STBX did not comply with her request that he keep this hidden from you. Then maybe she'll stay out of it, as she should.

  • Cut these people out of your life, and do not allow your children to see them.  Stop trying to argue with crazy.  You can't.

    Seriously - now you know what this is all about - the fact that you have a relationship with your dad. 

    Get therapy.

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • Why do you continue to engage these people?
  • Completely cut yourself off. I know that you feel like you are missing out on their support, but I gaurantee your life will be better without these toxic people in it.


  •  I would let the Aunt know that you know about her email to the EX - so she knows that he isn't keeping things from you.

    And then I wouldn't engage these people anymore - at all.  And yes I wouldn't let them see my children either.  I know that not everyone agrees with this sort of thing but we had to do this with my inlaws and it was the best decision we have ever made.  Our lives are drama free and it is nice to not have to deal with constant crap from family members. 

    Cut the toxic out - don't email them, don't talk to them, don't have anything to do with them.  Decide to do it and stick with that decision.  Yes, there will be times during holidays etc.. when you start to feel bad and will want to reach out to them but don't do it.  Your mental health is worth more than dealing with a pack of crazies.

    Pregnancy Ticker Birthday
  • Wow. Between that email and your phone call together, I think you have to take a long, hard look at what your aunt thinks of you. Yes, it's so ridiculous that it's easy to dismiss it outright, but she REALLY thinks this and you really have to believe her.

    I think your mother and aunt fully expect you to fold under the pressure and run back to them. They want you 'in line' and reporting to them and doing as they say - all for your own good, of course.

    I'd take what she is telling you very seriously. Don't take her money and don't involve her in your new life. You have to do this on your own terms and independently. That's going to be very new for you. But you have to do it. You simply can't expect to be treated as an adult from someone who thinks you are unhinged and on a path of self-destruction, and makes lists as proof of it.

    Even if she calms down, you know how she really feels - she can't undo this. You must not let your mother or her rule your life. You must build your new life on your own. 

    ETA: I don't think your STBX is such a great guy for sharing it. It makes him look really, really good - and you really, really bad.

    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • Stop contacting these people.  Stop interacting with them.  Don't defend yourself to them.  Don't talk about them to others.
  •   Do you post on SO? Because I feel like you should be documenting these things about your family as well, so that if they or STBX try to use them in court, you can prove that they are crap. I feel like the SO regs might have a little more insight.
  • This is all about your dad and you know it.  They want to punish him for whatever reason and are using you and your  brother as pawns.  Now that you won't listen to them, they are upping the ante hoping they can manipulate you into falling in line. 

    They are illogical, unstable and crazy and you will never ever be able to convince them that  they are wrong.  Never.  The best thing to do is leave them alone and stop all contact.  No, not even to defend yourself and set things right.  That will never happen. 

  • Really, her only motive in sending an email like this is to get her drama-craving self right into the middle of divorce drama. based on the fact that it's largely a jumble of lies and gossip crazy (which shows you the core of her character, among other things.) So yes, please cut her off and get this woman out of your life asap. GL.
  • Change your phone number and email. NEVER contact them, they are insane. Good thing you are not allowing your children around those nut cases. Hang up if they contact you, they are evil. Get yourself some support. I pray your stbx never uses this stuff against you. No good will come from them being in your life, they are hell bent on destroying you.
  • Wow, sorry, but your mom and aunt are both crazy.  As said above, they don't like that you aren't following their rules and they are trying to manipulate you into running back to them and letting them run the show.

    Get away from the madness.

    image Visit The Nest! Love to scrapbook!
  • I think this is the third or fourth board you posted this on.  You are getting the same advice from everyone.  If you aren't willing to isten to any of us quit posting or you are just as crazy as your toxic famiy.
  • Please consult a therapist about all of this. He or she should be able to help you develop a strategy for developing healthy relationships with people in your life. Because right now, this is a mess. 

     Good luck. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.  

  • image Karma1969:
    I think this is the third or fourth board you posted this on.  You are getting the same advice from everyone.  If you aren't willing to isten to any of us quit posting or you are just as crazy as your toxic famiy.


    Whoa...First of all, I only posted this on two boards.  And I only copied it on the SO board because one of the above posters advised me to do so.  Secondly, who said I'm not listening to any of you?  I know I haven't checked in since posting, but I've completely cut them out of my life, blocked them from social media, etc.  My Mom's friend attempted to contact me, and I ignored/blocked her as well.  I'm doing everything I can to completely get away from the madness.  I'm focusing on my children, I've been in therapy for two months, and hopefully this will pass eventually....  

  • image dirtyred:
    Why do you continue to engage these people?

    Seriously.  She loves drama, apparently. 

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