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s/o biitching... advice needed

I came home yesterday exhausted. MH and I were going over each others weekends etc. MH said something in passing about telling my brother something very private about me. IMO it wasn't really that big of a deal (it was more embarrassing than a secret) but it was something I wanted to stay between H and I.

I told him it ticked me off because he's done this a couple of times in the past. He said he was sorry and that was the end. Rationally, I know he feels bad about it and apologized so that should be the end of it. But I'm still really pissed off about it. If I bring it up again I feel like it's just going to sound like I'm beating this situation to death.

He tends to be a little gossip-y and I just don't know how to be assertive in the situation. Sometimes he just expects sorry to be it. WWYD?

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Re: s/o biitching... advice needed

  • image StellarStaylor:

    But I'm still really pissed off about it. If I bring it up again I feel like it's just going to sound like I'm beating this situation to death.

    You can't beat it to death if you haven't been offered some type of resolution.  And "sorry bout that" is not resolution.  You're still upset, and you have every right to address it.

    Just tell him that you're still upset, this has happened before and you need to be convinced that he understands exactly why you are upset.  That way, if he truly understands what he did wrong and does it again anyway, you have a free pass to kick his ass.  :)

     

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  • Did you have an argument over it or was it just you were annoyed and he apologized?  The reason I ask is because I know sometimes if we actually argue about something I can get a little wound up and I don't always get my point across properly.  If that's the case then I would maybe bring it up again when I'm in a better mood or little calmer about the situation.

    For me and MH, calmly explaining my feelings and being specific about what my needs/expectations are helps. Sorry YH spilled the beans.

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  • I tend to stay pissed off at things about a week and cannot let them go for about that length of time.  This is something H hates but I feel like I just can't help it (or probably, realistically, just don't want to).  I can't say beating the situation to death is the right thing to do, but its definitely what I do.  I like to think it makes H think twice the next time???  Probably not though...
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  • I think what really makes me mad is that his justification for doing something wrong is that "he didn't mean to" or "he didn't realize I would be that upset"

    Yes, he did. I've told him.

    When I bring up a past example I'm "bring up the past". (granted I said all of this in the heat of the moment)

     I think I'm going to try to approach this calmly and see where it goes. I don't want to be mad at him. He's an awesome dude, I just want him to realize that this isn't acceptable and it does hurt my feelings so like you all said he would think twice about betraying my trust like that.

    I just still feel a little silly because this one thing isn't an earth shattering revelation, but it's the pattern that makes me upset.

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  • I can sympathize, my H sometimes over shares info that I would rather keep quiet, and I hear about it later & get annoyed that he won't know when to keep it to himself.  I just usually stress really hard if there is a topic I don't want him to bring up outside of just us, and he gets it most of the time. 

    Of course, last week he came home & said he was discussing IBS issues with a parent of his students & had suggestions for me. I did ask how many others he was telling my issues to, and he swore that was it.  I havent even told most of my extended family yet, & there are kids on his team that know some of my shizz, it feels weird. 

     

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  • I can definitely understand the frustration with this (especially if it has come up before). I have family members that do the exact same thing, and over share about other family members. I have been known more than once to say "Are you really sure your wife (or other person) really wants you sharing this?" They usually say something along the lines of "No, probably not." And that tends to end the conversation then and there.

    I don't know that you can re-bring up this particular incident without seeming like you are harping on it, honestly. I would say with future personal conversations, that you stress how important it is to you that it stays between you and him, including your brother or other family members. And point out if you really want them to know (or they need to know) that you will be the one to bring it up, not him.

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