September 2009 Weddings
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Great, now what?

I'm at work, so pardon the dorky censored words.  I just need to let some stuff out before I go crazy.

So H and I were watching 8 Mile Saturday night and during the Eminem/Brittany Murphy s3x scene, he turns to me and decides to inform me that our own s3x life is "getting boring."

What the heck am I supposed to do with that?  It's kind of hard to be spontaneous a) when you have a kid and b)when you need about a gallon of lube to make it relatively comfortable.  I got a little defensive and asked him what the heck he wanted me to do about it, given our current circumstances and he didn't really have a solution.  I just love it when someone complains about a problem and doesn't have anything in mind to fix it.  Personally, I was feeling rather victorious that I've been able to hold to my New Year's resolution of doing it once a week, and enjoying it, for the most part.  (Once a week is a big deal since I'm slowly recovering from the lactationally-induced "issues" I've been having.)

And honestly? I need "me time," and it's either that some nights or s3x, and generally I'd rather take that over even really good s3x. I've pretty much lost my identity as anything but a food source and a mom right now, so I need something to retain my sanity since I still haven't figured out when to fit in time to run, and that used to be my outlet.

Gah.
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Re: Great, now what?

  • That's crappy that he put it to you that way but in general I think it's a good thing that he spoke up. I also hate when someone has a problem with something but offers no resolution...is it really that big of a problem if you haven't even contemplated a way to fix it?!?!?!?

    Maybe you could suggest to Craig some things that he could do to help alleviate some of your burden. I know he can't really help on the food source end of it (unless your producing enough to where maybe you could do a bottle feeding in the evening and have Craig feed Kyler while you go out for a run?). Perhaps, if you have some burden taken off of your shoulders with other things you'd have more time to have you time and more gusto for sexy time.

     

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  • same boat and I am jumping in-

    I am the only one currently able to pick up Charlotte from the nanny- his schedule one doesn't help and two we only have one car able to have a car seat( a Miata isn't kid friendly). We are lucky that the nanny can drop her off if there is an emergency or my friend which has only been twice, however it gets old. After I pick her up I am home with her for at least an hour before he gets home and then he proceeds to make dinner. I am exhausted after watching and playing with the baby, running to get her and pick her up,  and playing with her all night. Going to bed is the goal for me. I constantly get complaints about the "us" time and usually can only hit the 1x per week. I take it as part of being a new parent. I do get b*tchy sometimes and tell him to take care of it himself which I know is mean but whatever.

    hang in there- having "me" time in my book is more important to you which will only make the other situations better. 

  • hmm.  Well kudos for him saying something, I guess.  But until he can answer a "well, what did you have in mind" question, I wouldn't worry about it too much.  Because "boring" can mean a lot of things, not necessarily more often, if that makes sense.  Even if he doens't have suggestions (which I agree, is annoying), if he can pinpoint what's "kinda boring" - same positions, always at night, not often enough, etc, that might give you something more to go on.  Then you guys can start talking aout some options. 
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  • I definitely think Craig could've gone about that in a different way but like Vanessa said, it's much better he said something. I know you said its painful and I'm sure that's the main reason but what about introducing some toys or something? I'm sure neuner can help you out. It'll spice things up and maybe take some of the pressure/ sexiness back until you don't need them? Go to Victoria's secret and get a sexy outfit along with it. 

     

    I totally understand the food source element. I have to say that once I stopped pumping/nursing Nate, I lost a few more pounds and definitely felt a lot better. Obviously I'm not telling you you should stop lol but just realize and talk to Craig about the fact that it's just a phase. It seems like forever and everything but it's only been a few months. Just explain it to him if you haven't already. I eexplained things to kev and it made him realize that it wasn't bc of him. It wasn't that I wasn't attracted to him. It wasn't that I didn't have the desire. It was just xyz. He felt a lot better and It took a lot of pressure off. 

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  • Yeah, I really think it was a bit premature of him to say things are getting boring when we've only finally been able to get it on again just this past month.  He later told me it was just so routine: Come home, play with the baby, eat dinner, go to bed, then decide if we want to have s3x or not and then "methodically" do it.  It's called parenthood, buddy.  I'm sure there are plenty of spontaneous parents out there, but I just can't do that right now.  Maybe all he wants is to get busy on a Saturday afternoon instead of at night or something, but K is a terrible napper these days, it's so hard to get some alone time.

    We have to supplement with formula now for daycare, so Craig can always give him a bottle of that or pumped milk, but I hate to leave K in the evenings since I only get to see him for a few hours before he goes to bed.  I thought about going to the gym at 8pm after he's in bed, but I tried a few times and just don't have the energy that late at night.  My other option is to go in the early mornings, but Craig runs in the early AM so we have yet to figure out how to coordinate that.  Plus, I'm just so damn tired that when 5am rolls around, I practically cry at the idea of getting out of bed.  (I DID cry yesterday when K hardly slept all night and then got up at 6 am and wouldn't go back to sleep.) 

    It sounds like I'm just making excuses at this point.  I'm kind of a hot mess with this whole motherhood thing!

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  • Aw. I just think you're way too hard on yourself! You'll get the hang of it! You both will :-) 
    Baby, you've got the sort of eyes that tell me tales...
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  • Kel, word.

    image YouandMe912:

     I'm sure neuner can help you out.

     Hehehe.  When she replied, I was sure she was going to recommend a toy for me. :)

     

    image YouandMe912:

    I totally understand the food source element. I have to say that once I stopped pumping/nursing Nate, I lost a few more pounds and definitely felt a lot better.

    Guilty admission: Because I'm not running, I consider nursing "working out" instead.  I'm back in all my old clothes and am actually concerned that once I stop nursing/pumping, if I don't start running, I'll GAIN weight. I eat NON-stop but Mama can't afford new clothes right now.

    I have explained to Craig how hard it is for me to be a good wife and mom at the same time and that it'll take time to adjust, and how lactation hormones have put a damper on things, etc, and he's been understanding in the past, but I guess seeing spontaneous nookie in a movie really got under his skin.  Which is odd, when we were doing it all the time when trying to GET pregnant, it was pretty routine, usually at night, in bed, and he didn't seem bored at all!

     

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  • image YouandMe912:
    Aw. I just think you're way too hard on yourself! You'll get the hang of it! You both will :-) 

    I second this. Parenthood is a huuuuuuge adjustment. Sex is just about the easiest thing to push by the wayside. It'll get easier, I promise.

  • image tarmar81:

    We have to supplement with formula now for daycare, so Craig can always give him a bottle of that or pumped milk, but I hate to leave K in the evenings since I only get to see him for a few hours before he goes to bed.  I thought about going to the gym at 8pm after he's in bed, but I tried a few times and just don't have the energy that late at night.  My other option is to go in the early mornings, but Craig runs in the early AM so we have yet to figure out how to coordinate that.  Plus, I'm just so damn tired that when 5am rolls around, I practically cry at the idea of getting out of bed.  (I DID cry yesterday when K hardly slept all night and then got up at 6 am and wouldn't go back to sleep.) 

    The bolded part stood out for me as a spot where maybe a compromise could be made. Maybe to start out Craig could let you go run 2 mornings a week (even if it was one during the week and one on the weekend not so early in the morning!) and then you could do 1 night run a week. IMHO, one evening away in order to try and feel like yourself again might do everyone a lot of good.

    Try some Saturday or Sunday morning sex...it's the best Wink

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  • I  Realized I didn't say anything about your "me" time. I think you should pick a day of the week that's your night. Craig can put kyler to bed and you can do whatever you want. Work out, go to dinner with friends, go shopping whatever your heart desires. I have Wednesdays and Kevin gets Thursdays. Now mine isn't as leisurely because I teach dance so it's more like work but it's still nice to get away. On Wednesdays that I don't teach, I use that time for myself. Kevin plays hockey on Thursday's. 
    Baby, you've got the sort of eyes that tell me tales...
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  • image law67:
    image tarmar81:

    We have to supplement with formula now for daycare, so Craig can always give him a bottle of that or pumped milk, but I hate to leave K in the evenings since I only get to see him for a few hours before he goes to bed.  I thought about going to the gym at 8pm after he's in bed, but I tried a few times and just don't have the energy that late at night.  My other option is to go in the early mornings, but Craig runs in the early AM so we have yet to figure out how to coordinate that.  Plus, I'm just so damn tired that when 5am rolls around, I practically cry at the idea of getting out of bed.  (I DID cry yesterday when K hardly slept all night and then got up at 6 am and wouldn't go back to sleep.) 

    The bolded part stood out for me as a spot where maybe a compromise could be made. Maybe to start out Craig could let you go run 2 mornings a week (even if it was one during the week and one on the weekend not so early in the morning!) and then you could do 1 night run a week. IMHO, one evening away in order to try and feel like yourself again might do everyone a lot of good.

    Try some Saturday or Sunday morning sex...it's the best Wink

    That's a good point.  I guess one night away during the week wouldn't be that bad.  

    And I'm all for weekend morning nookie ... if the kid would sleep in.  We'd have to set the alarm for 5 am. :) 

    Mamas of wily babies, what are your tips for fitting in non-night s3x?

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  • image tarmar81:
    image law67:
    image tarmar81:

    We have to supplement with formula now for daycare, so Craig can always give him a bottle of that or pumped milk, but I hate to leave K in the evenings since I only get to see him for a few hours before he goes to bed.  I thought about going to the gym at 8pm after he's in bed, but I tried a few times and just don't have the energy that late at night.  My other option is to go in the early mornings, but Craig runs in the early AM so we have yet to figure out how to coordinate that.  Plus, I'm just so damn tired that when 5am rolls around, I practically cry at the idea of getting out of bed.  (I DID cry yesterday when K hardly slept all night and then got up at 6 am and wouldn't go back to sleep.) 

    The bolded part stood out for me as a spot where maybe a compromise could be made. Maybe to start out Craig could let you go run 2 mornings a week (even if it was one during the week and one on the weekend not so early in the morning!) and then you could do 1 night run a week. IMHO, one evening away in order to try and feel like yourself again might do everyone a lot of good.

    Try some Saturday or Sunday morning sex...it's the best Wink

    That's a good point.  I guess one night away during the week wouldn't be that bad.  

    And I'm all for weekend morning nookie ... if the kid would sleep in.  We'd have to set the alarm for 5 am. :) 

    Mamas of wily babies, what are your tips for fitting in non-night s3x?

    A bottle and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Lol.  

    Baby, you've got the sort of eyes that tell me tales...
    image
    :Blog:
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  • image YouandMe912:
    image tarmar81:
    image law67:
    image tarmar81:

    We have to supplement with formula now for daycare, so Craig can always give him a bottle of that or pumped milk, but I hate to leave K in the evenings since I only get to see him for a few hours before he goes to bed.  I thought about going to the gym at 8pm after he's in bed, but I tried a few times and just don't have the energy that late at night.  My other option is to go in the early mornings, but Craig runs in the early AM so we have yet to figure out how to coordinate that.  Plus, I'm just so damn tired that when 5am rolls around, I practically cry at the idea of getting out of bed.  (I DID cry yesterday when K hardly slept all night and then got up at 6 am and wouldn't go back to sleep.) 

    The bolded part stood out for me as a spot where maybe a compromise could be made. Maybe to start out Craig could let you go run 2 mornings a week (even if it was one during the week and one on the weekend not so early in the morning!) and then you could do 1 night run a week. IMHO, one evening away in order to try and feel like yourself again might do everyone a lot of good.

    Try some Saturday or Sunday morning sex...it's the best Wink

    That's a good point.  I guess one night away during the week wouldn't be that bad.  

    And I'm all for weekend morning nookie ... if the kid would sleep in.  We'd have to set the alarm for 5 am. :) 

    Mamas of wily babies, what are your tips for fitting in non-night s3x?

    A bottle and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Lol.  

    This. Except switch bottle to cup and switch MMC to Yo Gabba Gabba.

    Also, pretty frequently we do it on my lunch break.

  • image tarmar81:

    image YouandMe912:

     I'm sure neuner can help you out.

     Hehehe.  When she replied, I was sure she was going to recommend a toy for me. :) 

    lol.  Well, I can help in that department too if you'd like.  But this issue sounds mostly like a communication issue, not a toy one.  But you can email me if you want suggestions in that department too :)

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