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Brother's Wedding?!

Okay, so I'll try to make this not so long. But my brother who is three years older than me has always been the type of brother who has tried to make my life miserable. He's told me i'm fat, stupid, dumb, ugly, that i'm not permitted to eat at certain times, that I'm not aloud to park in certain spots, etc. He's pretty much terrible. My fiance can't stand him and says he can't stand how he treats me. So me and my fiance got engaged on this past Easter (it was part of the easter egg hunt, super cute). We had only been together for a year, but part of that was long distance (I was in upstate ny, and he was here in jersey), so that obviously brought us very close together. So we've been planning our wedding obriously for a while, we were planning it for May 19th, everyone knew our date, we had sent out save the dates, and then, our venue called and said they made a mistake and double booked our wedding and that we had to change our date...so in distress we ended up changing our date to June 9th, and resent out save the dates (we called them "take twos" and had a cute little action sign from the movies, to make light of the situation). So now we've been planning this new date for a good three months. My brother, who has been in compitition with me since the day I was born, has been dating this chick who lives 30 minutes away (they call it long distance, bull *** if you ask me). They had been dating for 7 months when he popped the question on her this past Tuesday. Now before he did that, (the sunday before) he showed me the ring and started comparing my ring that my fiance gave to me to the ring he was giving to her! saying that his was better and that mine was small and blah blah. even though mines between a 1/2 and a 3/4 and his is a 3/4 so it's not even that big of a difference. So anyways, then he popps the question. and she says yes. Yesterday, they both sat down with my parents and were talking about the wedding date. I was at work, i figured they'd pick something not in the near future. Next thing I know, he sends out a mass text to EVERYONE on his contact list (including me) that "Our wedding date is July 7th, Save the Date!" !!!!!!! It's less than a month away from mine, he didn't even ask me if that was okay with me. And, all of my relatives (30 total) are flying in for mine, and now they're expected to fly out twice? or chose between weddings?! and my grandma so old and takes traveling hard. I don't know what to do. Thoughts or advice on the issue? Is it wrong for me to be upset about this?

Re: Brother's Wedding?!

  • The 1990 in your screen name is for the year you were born, right?

    It shows.

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  • He doesn't need to ask your permission. 

    Your relatives can decide for themselves which wedding they want to attend, if they can't attend both.

    Both you and your brother sound like gigantic babies. 

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  • It is ridiculous to be upset about this. Your weddings are just shy of a month apart. Who cares?  You both sound like you have some serious growing up to do.  
  • So what is an acceptable timeframe around your wedding for people to get married? Two months? A year?

    You get ONE DAY. thats all. Your brother can plan his wedding for whenever he wants. The only day I think it would be ok to be upset would be the day of.

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  • bwaahhhhh lmao

    you want the knot honey this is the nest...im sure youll find a couple of other liitle  ones to share your misery.



  • 2 of my DH's old high school friends got married one month apart and we flew in for both. They were both a blast. And each was different. I often have more than one wedding to go to in the same month or few months. Frankly, I love seeing my family and friends for weddings, having 2 within a month would sound fun to me.

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  • Not to be mean, but it honestly doesn't sound like either you or  your brother are mature enough to get married. 

    You know what the best way to get over another person's immature behavior? Ignore it. Fully. Don't think about it, don't vent about it (to anyone), don't spend any energy or time on it.  Your brother will do what he wants to do.  If he's a jerk about it (and I don't think he is being a jerk here, in regards to the date. We're talking a month apart!!), it's on him, not you.  If you get sucked into the drama, then it's on you.  Don't get sucked in.

  • Might I ask why you keep in touch with such a jerk, boor and pig?

    If he is as toxic as you say he is, it's best that you just discontinue contact with him. Why do you need him at all?

    That said, do not worry about the dates. you'll have your spotlight; his bride will have hers and really, it's pretty common for siblings to have weddings scheduled closely together. Let that issue go.
  • There is just about a month in between the dates.  I am genuinely curious how much time you think is acceptable in between weddings.  Talk to him calmly if you want him to change his date although a month is plenty of time.
  • I'm sorry but you can't dictate when your brother gets married. He could be the Devil Incarnate & it still wouldn't matter.

    Your family will most likely fly out for both. 

    Instead of thinking of it as a horrible thing-- maybe you should try to think of it as an awesome way to see your folks & drink champagne. Life is too short for childish bullshyt. 

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  • Look at the bright side - yours will be first so more people will probably try and make yours. 

    Yes, many relatives will choose between wedding dates.  If your brother is as big a jerk as you say, they'll probably want to go to yours! 

    Ignore him.  Also, keep your mouth shut about your wedding plans, and tell your mom/dad you expect them to do the same. 

    Once you get married, keep him at arm's length.  Rotate your holidays so that you and your H are with your mom and dad for the holidays he's not around.  Don't "keep in touch" with him. 

  • I got engaged, then my brother, then my best friend.  BFFs wedding was 2 weeks before mine, brothers was 6 weeks after.  I was a bridesmaid in both and they were all in my wedding.  I lived 800 miles away from my hometown where they both got married.  Its really no big deal.  Your brother sounds like he sucks so I recommend you see him as little as possible but the timing issue is really no big.
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  • Obviously your wedding is important to you, but you are putting yourself in competition with your brother just as much as he is.

    At least he is getting married after you. My BFF's SIL pulled the same thing (even wanted to send the invitations in the same envelopes) only she made sure her wedding was first.

    It made no difference. No one compared the weddings, no one gave a $hit.

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  • holy crap.  i thought you were going to say that he picked the same day.  this is a ridiculously stupid thing to get upset over.  and ditto PP--get on the knot.  most nesties don't want to hear about this stupid crap.  at least i don't.
  • You did pick "Wedding Season" so if it wasn't your brothers, it probably would've been several others within a month or two of yours.  Most people attend several weddings in the summer months so it probably doesn't make much difference if two of them are for siblings. 

    I agree, your bro sounds like a butt, and it seems like he is intentionally putting himself in competition with you.  It sounds like you always let it get to you, and everyone knows bullies thrive on the reaction they get so just don't let it bother you and go on about your business.

  • image libby1990:
    Okay, so I'll try to make this not so long. But my brother who is three years older than me has always been the type of brother who has tried to make my life miserable. He's told me i'm fat, stupid, dumb, ugly, that i'm not permitted to eat at certain times, that I'm not aloud to park in certain spots, etc. He's pretty much terrible. My fiance can't stand him and says he can't stand how he treats me.

    So me and my fiance got engaged on this past Easter (it was part of the easter egg hunt, super cute). We had only been together for a year, but part of that was long distance (I was in upstate ny, and he was here in jersey), so that obviously brought us very close together. So we've been planning our wedding obriously for a while, we were planning it for May 19th, everyone knew our date, we had sent out save the dates, and then, our venue called and said they made a mistake and double booked our wedding and that we had to change our date...so in distress we ended up changing our date to June 9th, and resent out save the dates (we called them "take twos" and had a cute little action sign from the movies, to make light of the situation). So now we've been planning this new date for a good three months.

    My brother, who has been in compitition with me since the day I was born, has been dating this chick who lives 30 minutes away (they call it long distance, bull *** if you ask me). They had been dating for 7 months when he popped the question on her this past Tuesday. Now before he did that, (the sunday before) he showed me the ring and started comparing my ring that my fiance gave to me to the ring he was giving to her! saying that his was better and that mine was small and blah blah. even though mines between a 1/2 and a 3/4 and his is a 3/4 so it's not even that big of a difference. So anyways, then he popps the question. and she says yes.

    Yesterday, they both sat down with my parents and were talking about the wedding date. I was at work, i figured they'd pick something not in the near future. Next thing I know, he sends out a mass text to EVERYONE on his contact list (including me) that "Our wedding date is July 7th, Save the Date!" !!!!!!! It's less than a month away from mine, he didn't even ask me if that was okay with me. And, all of my relatives (30 total) are flying in for mine, and now they're expected to fly out twice? or chose between weddings?! and my grandma so old and takes traveling hard. I don't know what to do. Thoughts or advice on the issue? Is it wrong for me to be upset about this?

    It would bother me because, outside of the fact that your brother seems to be in competition with you, it may affect the amount of people who can attend your wedding.   Whether we like it or not, some people will have to choose, and since his wedding date is so close to yours, you might lose guests.  More than likely, though, he will be the one who will lose the most guests.  As for those who say that people will attend both, I disagree.  Some people will miss one of them.  Economic times are tough for travelling out of town, and many people can't take 2 vacations that close to each other.

    However, there's nothing  you can do about it.  So, all you can do is plan your wedding and enjoy your day.  The biggest thing you can do to avoid his one-upmanship is to not share details about your wedding planning such as vendors, colors, etc.  And, that helps assure that your weddings will be very different from each other.

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  • I see PP's point, but also consider that you sent out StD's before he announced his engagement so ppl already had your date on their calendars and probably requested off for your day. 

  • image libby1990:
    Dear Bride, 

    I just want you to do me a favor, read yoru thread, write down the usernames of the mean people. and then go look at every other thread, and you'll see, that really, they're bullies. And they control this whole website with their meaness. They find one thing, that's probably not true, tag onto it, and then go off of each other from there. It's actually very interesting. They're probably not even engaged, just lonely girls who think it's fun to make other people feel miserable, because they have nothing else to do with their lives besides make people feel bad. so do yourself a favor, and find a different blog. If you private message me, I can give you a few very nice ones that people will tell you what they thing, but in a very nice way that will not make you feel like a terrible person : ) And honestly, all you other people, you really should be ashamed of yourself, regardless of if you are right or not, you should never treat people the way you do, it's wrong, messed up, and just plain old nasty. 

    Sincerly, 

    A mad bride about mean people.

     

    Apparently you guys pissed off the OP. She posted this over on TK to a poor bride having bridesmaid drama.

    I know, I'm pathetic. I really had nothing better to do at 4:30 in the morning when I'm sick and can't sleep!

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  • Probably not even engaged, lol

    Yes, that's so. It's hard to be engaged when you're married.

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  • Enjoy your wedding, and go wish him well at his. You'll get to see those relatives one way or another, at one or the other wedding (maybe both), and you'll be just as married.  You really do get to have just the one day.
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  • Your brother sounds like a huge jerk! Obviously he is doing this to draw attention away from your special day. How immature.

    You should wear white to his wedding! Then maybe he'll learn his lesson.

  • image TarponMonoxide:
    Might I ask why you keep in touch with such a jerk, boor and pig?

    If he is as toxic as you say he is, it's best that you just discontinue contact with him. Why do you need him at all?

    That said, do not worry about the dates. you'll have your spotlight; his bride will have hers and really, it's pretty common for siblings to have weddings scheduled closely together. Let that issue go.

    This. Having a brother similar to yours, I do get how you feel.

    However, the others are right in that you cannot dictate when he has his wedding. You should let this go despite how you feel about him personally.

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  • OK now she has posted 2xs on the know with the same post...the one above and this one...

    http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brothers-wedding-2

    I guess shed figure shed get better responses over there...lol



  • image magsugar13:

    OK now she has posted 2xs on the know with the same post...the one above and this one...

    http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brothers-wedding-2

    I guess shed figure shed get better responses over there...lol

     

    In the end it always comes down to the pretty princess day with the beebees..

  • Am I the only one here who cares about Grandma? lol  Apparently, according to the OP, her grandmother will die if she has to travel too much, and two weddings in four weeks is too much. So I suggest (here and on TK) that the OP postpone or cancel, in order to save grandmother, since her brother is willing to let the old lady drop for his pretty prince day.

     

    SO SINGS MY SOUL *WHAM!* MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!*
  • Sue Sue - if OP is 21 I wonder if that makes Grandma an "ancient" 61.
  • Who will the favorite sibling be?....sounds like a fun test.

     Maybe it's just me, but every guest that couldn't make it to my wedding saved me $75. People crawl out of the woodwork for weddings, and I'd be just as happy to see my mom's aunt's husband's cousin at my sister's wedding a month later, when she is paying to feed them.

    Maybe that's mean, but seriously OP, just concentrate on your wedding! Let guests worry about their budget and schedules. You'll never make everyone happy, so just do what's right for you and your fiance. You did already send out your save the dates, so it's possible that people are already planning on your wedding, and might have to miss your bro's. His choice, his loss.

  • image jillboston:
    Sue Sue - if OP is 21 I wonder if that makes Grandma an "ancient" 61.

    but she's going to die!!

    lol

    SO SINGS MY SOUL *WHAM!* MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!*
  • I can tell you that you can go to the Knot, OP, but you aren't going to get any better responses there. You are still being unreasonable. Concentrate on your wedding and don't worry about what your brother is doing. And if he is really that terrible, I have no idea why you want to be in touch with him anyways.
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  • Although my older sister and I don't get along perfectly, our weddings are 5 months apart. Granted, that's more than a month I realize. However, both of us haven't had any real issues. I am 7 years younger than her, got engaged 4 months after her, and am getting married, as I said, 5 months after her. She's been very understanding and supportive. I would be devastated if she thought I just got engaged and set my wedding in the same year to overshadow her. My suggestion I guess would be to talk to your brother. Chances are he didn't mean to steal your thunder, like you feel. Besides, if he did do it intentionally, there's no point in ruining your own big day because of his immaturity.
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