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Grandma doesn't fully accept one grandchild

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Re: Grandma doesn't fully accept one grandchild

  • image bmk112302:
    If I were Jane's mother we would no longer see Grandma. I would never allow anyone to treat my child that way.

    This.

    And if I were LIsa's mom, I'd be pulling LIsa away for the same reason--exposure to this is training these girls taht love is conditional and they need to conform to get it.

     

    Someone biting Grndma's head off and calling her on her bullshit would be good though.

  • Luckily, Jane and Lisa haven't really caught on to it yet.  But, if it keeps up, they will.  That's why I'm trying to nip it in the bud now.
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  • image MarynJoe:
    Luckily, Jane and Lisa haven't really caught on to it yet.  But, if it keeps up, they will.  That's why I'm trying to nip it in the bud now.

     "I wish she'd wear more girly clothes.  I wish she'd wear dresses.  I wish Jane was into Barbies. I'm so disappointed that she doesn't want to play with babies and prefers to play with cars.  I'm so disappointed that I can't do things with her like I did with my Grandma.  I hate the way she likes to play with boys rather than girls." 

    When she says "I wish" or I'm so disappointed" or "I hate" about what Jane is doing say something similar to her. "Mom I wish you'd...." or "Mom, I'm so disappointed that you....." or "Mom I hate the way you....." about cooking or clothing or dishes or whatever.  When she says something reply "every time you comment on ways you don't think Jane is a good enough granddaughter it makes me think about what a perfect mom would be like"

    Or even easier publically say "Mom, why would you say something like that?  It's rude and unneccessary."

    Time to stop pulling her aside, she should be embarassed to be voicing her hurtful opinion.

  • Why your sister has not started limiting Jane's time around grandma is beyond me.
    Seriously, people. If your faith in humanity is destroyed because your parents told you there was a Santa Claus and as it turns out there is no Santa Claus, you are an ignorant, hypersensitive cry baby with absolutely zero perspective. - UnderwaterRhymes
  • image MarynJoe:
    Luckily, Jane and Lisa haven't really caught on to it yet.  But, if it keeps up, they will.  That's why I'm trying to nip it in the bud now.
    Haven't caught onto what, though?  The different treatment, or what?  Because Jane has CLEARLY dealt w/ people making comments about how she dresses, what kinds of shoes she likes, etc - do you think she hasn't caught onto what her grandmother is saying?! 
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • My mom says it a lot to me and my sister, but not directly to Jane.   It's not like she looks Jane in the eyes and says, "I'm disappointed in you because you don't dress girly enough or play with Barbies."  Around Jane, I think she says more of "I wish Jane played with dolls."  (not that the second example is any better)  I'm hoping Jane hasn't noticed yet, but maybe she has.  That's the only reason I haven't called my mom out on it in front of everyone.  I don't want to draw more attention to it in case Jane didn't hear it or hasn't caught on to it yet.

    Any other times Jane has had problems with comments was with people who spoke them directly to her. 

    I guess I should just say "What a horrible thing to say!!" but not say what I'm talking about.  Mom will know what I'm talking about, but maybe Jane won't.

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  • image MarynJoe:

    Around Jane, I think she says more of "I wish Jane played with dolls." 

    Maybe if that were the only kind of comments Jane dealt with, she may not clue in.  But as other people have said things around/to her, I would bet you that she gets the underlying meaning to this kind of comment - that she's not girly enough.... And that it's her grandmother who isn't happy w/ who she is.

    I think your sister needs to take a harder line w/ your mom.  AND I kind of like the one PP's suggestion to turn the tables on your mom - start saying the same kinds of things to your mom.  Perhaps once she hears how it really sounds, she'll clue in.

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • I'm definitely going to say something from now on, from the nicer "Well, I love Jane and think she's absolutely perfect the way she is!!" to the harsher "I can't believe you said that!  What a horrible thing to say!"

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  • Hey, I just read this and I must say that I think you are an awesome aunt to care so much and make such an effort to make sure Jane is treated well. 

     

    Good luck with your mom. I think if my mom did this to my kid, I would definitely tell her to stop or she won't see the kid. 

     

    BUT.... I know my mom always counted out things like presents to make sure my sister and I had the same amount. I can tell she still does it actually, its really sweet (I'm 28 and my sis is 34!)

     

     

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  • ive always been jane. i may not be older then 17 but ive never liked dresses nor do i wear make up unless a really special occasion. my grandmother always hoped for the grandchild to be a girly girl but i wasnt. she put me in a pink frilly dress with lace white stockings bows in my air and black paten leather shoes for easter. i went outside to ride my bike and it had rained the day before so there were mud puddles everywhere. i fell off my bike because the lace from the dress got caught on a loose end of a chain length fence and landed in a mud puddle ruining my shoes tights and of course the dress. my grandmother was very upset and since then has never tried to put me in anything girly because its not who i am. i love faded jeans old t shirts and a pair of converse high tops with my hair pulled up in a bun or a pony tail. i even was on the wrestling team in middle school and was the first girl to ever try out for it in the entire time that school has been there. i say if you want to be a tomboy and play like a boy then go ahead. its your life you have to live not any one else so you go ahead and make the most out of your own life.
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