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Only Sister and it Hurts

Hello Everyone!!

I am new, but needed to hear from some people that may have had this happen or just could add 2 cents.  Here goes

I have one sister, something happen to mom and dad and we are all we have other then extended family, but face it, nothing like this bond.  We are 10 years apart in age with me begin the oldest.  Well I am about to marry for the 2nd time. No one in my family attended the 1st wedding because it was on a Monday at 11am(yeah call me weird), well after 1 1/2 it ended and I must confess it was wrong.  Fast forward 7 years later

I have found a wonderful man, that not only except me, but my three kids.  We do everything together, he is supportive in everything. He has even set aside time with them without me.  I can go on and on. Case and point

I asked my sister to be my maid of honor and she flat out said no, I was shock, then I asked if my nephew could be my ringbearer and she said no, slaped again, so I asked why and she said I don't like him.  Well in the past she never like anyone I was with, truth be told I didn't like a few of her's either, but loved her and whatever she wanted to do, I was there. It is a wonder my fiance likes her, I didn't know the first meeting him she asked for him to pay her cell bill after he took us both out.  What kinda crap is that.

Anyway I have not spoken to her or called her as we talk everyday, she called Sunday, but I didn't answer. I love my sister and would be the first in line with a butter knife it my heart was needed to save her life.

Should I ask her one last time? or except the fact she is selfish?


Sorry this was so long.


Re: Only Sister and it Hurts

  • Accept, not except. 

    Don't ask her again.  Either your sister genuinely thinks that you are not right for each other and ethically would not feel right standing up with you (in which case you're not going to change her mind) OR she's being a brat about the fact that you've always dropped everything for her and now you're getting married and she won't come first anymore (in which case you're not going to change her mind either). 

    Honestly, for a second marriage with you already having three kids, I would skip the wedding party.  JMO.
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    DS1 born June 2008 | m/c at 9w March 2011 | DS2 born April 2012
  • If yoru sister is the kind of person that would hit up YOUR fiancee to pay her cell bill after meeting him once (which screams greedy, Klassy and uncouth - and I'm being polite here) she's not exactly a giving, thoughtful human being.

    Stop expecting her to be what she isn't.  I'm sorry she's your only family, but she sounds awful, to be honest. 

  • I am so learning her ways and respect your honesty totally!!


  • Ditto grrly 100%. 

    WHich makes me wonder how much of this "bond" you say you two have is in your head.  If you've made it to be more than it really is - that she may not see your relationship in quite the same way. 

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • Selfish?  You got selfish out of saying no to being a BM?  I guess you could say that you would expect her to put her feelings aside and stand up for you even if she didn't like your FI ... and not doing that is selfish.

    But I think she's making a point about not liking your FI and not supporting your marriage .. she's not being selfish to reuse to particiapte.

    You got your answer, don't ask again.  And decide how this will affect your close relationship.

    And ask her why she doesn't like him .. and give some weight to her opinion.  She doesn't need to be conivinced, but if someone close to me gave solid objections, I'd listen. 

    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • Point taken, perhaps my love and support runs deeper then hers.
  • Let's not go crazy with the who loves who more bs.

    I would ask her to tell you what about your fi she doesn't like, and then think about whether she has any legitimate beef here.  Are there things you aren't seeing?

    If she's just still whining about the cell bill, then screw her.

    Seriously, people. If your faith in humanity is destroyed because your parents told you there was a Santa Claus and as it turns out there is no Santa Claus, you are an ignorant, hypersensitive cry baby with absolutely zero perspective. - UnderwaterRhymes
  • If you have three kids of your own, why are you so hurt and sad that your nephew won't be a ringbearer?  You have three children of your own who can carry rings - even if they are all girls.  This should not "cut like a knife"  I sense a little bit of drama on your part.

    Find another MOH.  If you are as loving and giving and un-drama-free as you say, you should have a friend or two who would be HONORED to be your MOH/BM.  Including one of your own daughters!  (they can't sign the marriage license, but they can be a MOH).  Move forward with your wedding plans without her.  If you have three children, you should be more concerned with your FI and your children than anything else.  If you have time to obsess over your sister and her son - - you need to get a job or a hobby. 

    I have a feeling that your sis is a wee bit jealous - either that you found someone cool, or that you won't be around for her and her needs 24/7.  She'll get over it or she won't.  The fact that she won't participate is her loss.

  • I have 2 boys and a girl and the oldest is 12.  They all will be in the wedding. The wedding will go on and I have another MOH. I am not obsess with neither, I have also replace my 2 nephew.  I love my MOO MOO aka Nephew, because I was there at his birth and he takes to me more then his mom.


  • image tonyaluvrob:

    I have 2 boys and a girl and the oldest is 12.  They all will be in the wedding. The wedding will go on and I have another MOH. I am not obsess with neither, I have also replace my 2 nephew.  I love my MOO MOO aka Nephew, because I was there at his birth and he takes to me more then his mom.

    Did you seriously just say your nephew (MOO MOO) "takes to you" more than to his MOTHER?

    Maybe your sister doesn't want to be in your wedding because your a bit o' a wackadoo, not because of your FI?

  • I would move on from the idea of your sister as the maid of honor, and ask another female family member or a great girlfriend. Your sister sounds a little self-centered and I wouldn't waste my time dealing with that, as she should be happy for you regardless.
  • How long have you known this man and how many have come and gone over the years?

     Your sister might be on to something and you just don't want to hear it.

    TTC since September '08 After 2 m/c - lap for stage 3-4 endo Oct '09 Bravelle w/Ovidrel trigger - iui on 11/07 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • After my divorce 7 years ago, I took 5 years for myself, and most of that time was doing sister things with her including the kiddies.  Whenever she needed me I was their.  I have been dating my FH for  almost 2 years. So besides him there was only a brief relationship that I disband and was never introduced to the family or kids.


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