Family Matters
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Do you live near your parents?

Let me start by saying I am very close to my parents and extended family. I have a son (15mo.) and another baby on the way.

My husband has a job opportunity 1500 miles away, making much more money, but also higher COL area.

The thought of moving away from family makes me sick, but I also want to support DH, and moving away would allow me to SAH full time, so we could visit home alot.

What would you do? Experiences?

Re: Do you live near your parents?

  • We live away from both sets of parents.  My parents actually moved away from me when I was in college.  They were sick of the Wisconsin winters and moved to Florida.  So we have been living away from each other now for 10 years. 

    My in-laws are 6 1/2 hour drive away and it's fabulous.  DH isn't very close to his parents anymore (after the summer of hell they put us through... whole other story).  But I am extremely close to my parents. 

    You can still be close to your family without being physically close to them.  I talk to my Mom nearly every day (not for hours on end but we keep in touch) and we travel to see one another as often as we can. 

  • I would do what is best for my immediate family - DH, myself, and our kids. 

    If moving away would be better for us, we'd do it.  Would I miss my extended family?  You bet.  But we'd still do it.

    I only live about 2 hours away from my parents and still only see them once every other month or I don't know if more distance would make much difference for me. 

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  • Let me add that I did move away for about 6-7 years (college, etc.) so it's not so much about me, but my kids. I want them to be close with my parents, cousins, etc.
  • If that is what is best for your family, then I would move. ?However, it would be very, very difficult for me. ?As is, we live about 45 minutes from MH's parents, ?hour 15 from my dad, and 3 from my mom. ? ?


    I think it would be very hard, but it very well could be worth it. ?

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  • I moved 1300 miles away from home just a little over a month ago for our careers after living only a 5 minute drive from my parents and some of my siblings.  Between e-mail, facebook, texting, and phone calls I usually know what's going on with everyone.
  • That's tough.  No one can answer that for you because they don't know how you respond to major change. I moved about 800 miles away from home and it was hard.  Very hard for about 2 years.

    The thing about moving that far away is that you have work to do when you move - you need to make new friends.  That takes effort and it may be more difficult for you if you're a SAHM.  I'd recommend looking into mommy groups in the area.

    I wish I were more help.  On one hand, it is nice to have more $ (we moved for H's job) but missing family can be very painful.


  • My parents live about 20 mins, his are about 40.  It would be VERY hard for us to move now that we're about to have a child.  My parents are going to be HUGE help w/ the baby.  We'll have a few months (at least) where DH will be home a lot to watch the baby but on afternoons that he works, we need daycare.  My parents are going to do it for us. 

    I can't imagine being in a city where we didnt' have that kind of support, to be honest!


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  • Couple of different thoughts here. ?First- everyone is different when it comes to moving. ?Some people move easily- enjoy new surroundings and new people and see a move as a great adventure (my parents are a good example of this) and some have a really hard time with moving- miss "home" for longer, struggle with feeling like they fit in, have a hard time feeling out of the loop with those back home and like they aren't in the loop with the new area either (I'm a good example of this). ?Neither approach or feeling about moving is "wrong", but it's important to be conscious of which one you are- if moving is a struggle for you, now isn't a good time to take that on. ?

    The other thing I would say is- I moved a lot when I was little (as my parents like to move around) and I was very, very close to a grandparent who lived on the other side of the country most of the time I was growing up. ?We couldn't visit frequently, but we wrote letters back and forth to each other (when I was younger I had Mom help me write it out and read my grandfather's spidery handwriting :) ) ?So I just wanted to say that your kids could still be close to your families from far away, because my grandfather and writing those letters are really special memories to me. ?

  • There's a lot more that goes into this decision than the money and your current proximity to your family.

     Do you like the city/town where the new job is? Would it be a good place to raise your kids? Is SAH there better than working at your current location?? Is your DH unhappy at his job now? Would he be a lot happier at the new job? It's more money, but the cost of living is higher does it really work out to more money, after housing and transportaion and groceries and everythign else including money for visits home? Anyway, you get the picture.

    Personally, it would be hard for us to move 1500 miles away. Currently DH's parents and sister & BIL live within an hour of us, my sister lives 1.5 hours away and my brother and parents live about 4 hours away.  We all provide each other with such a support system right now and see each other frequently. I'm not sure it would be worth it to us to lose the frequent face to face interactions, especially when we have children in a few years.  If we had to due to job loss, or other reason we would do it, but I don't think we would choose to move more than a couple hours from our family.

  • I live 20 minutes from my parents, 15 minutes from mil, and 5 minutes from fil.  I am very close to my family and I would have a hard time moving away.  I moved away when I was in college (5 hours away) and just recently moved back... I didn't realize how much I missed my family until I moved back.  However, I am quite young (22), so perhaps that has an effect on it.
  • We live exactly one mile from my parents' house, and 25 miles from my ILs.
  • Part of the reason we live where we do is so we can live near my parents (and his). We're actually moving soon to a house that has been converted to a duplex and my parents will live in one unit and we'll be in the other.?

    DH and I have already decided that we would forego job transfers that took us away from family, even if it meant missing out on a raise.?

  • We live 2000 miles from my parents.  How expensive are plane tickets between your parents and your new city?  Have you figured these trips home in your new budget?  Our tickets are pretty steep so trips home are a lot more infrequent than we anticipated.  I can't imagine adding small kids into the mix.
  • I live about 2500 miles from my parents and sister (they moved away from me when sis was still in HS) and it is the worst thing about my life.  I HATE being away from them, but my DH has a great job here and we know that it would be irresponsible to pick up and move.  He knows that I want to move closer to them at some point in the future, and is supportive.  We bought a house recently, and with this real estate market (in the toilet) we know we will be here for awhile.  When we have kids in a few years, I can't even imagine how hard it's going to be to be away from them.

     Anyway, someone in a pp mentioned all the other things that go into the decision, and I would agree.  If it were JUST the money, I personally would NOT move.  However, if it's a great career opportunity, etc. it might be worth it.  All I can say is, as someone who is very close to my parents and can't afford a plane ticket more than once or twice a year - it SUCKS.  Only do it if you are 100% sure the pros outweigh the cons.

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  • We are two hours away from my parents, but definitely within driving distance. MIL is twenty minutes from us but needs directions to find our house.

    We have also considered moving out of state, but I like being close to my family; I have a brother and SIL within a ten-minute radius, my grandparents (now deceased) were about twenty minutes away and I took care of them, my kids see their second cousins and other relatives fairly often. I think we would miss out on that if we ever moved. And spend a fortune coming back to Michigan to see my parents, aunts/uncles, cousins, etc.

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