Hi ladies, sorry if this is super long but I need advice regarding getting divorced from a Marine and what I'm entitled to.
About 2 weeks ago, my husband unexpectedly left home and told me he is and has been
miserable and wants a divorce. We were fighting a lot, but nothing I
didn't think we couldn't work through... I was completely blindsided, to be honest. My husband says that he doesn't
want to try counseling, and that he loves me as a person and his "best
friend" but his love for me has changed and he doesn't think we'll ever
be "in love" and doesn't see anything getting better. He's one of the most negative people I've met in my entire life, and to be honest I'm not surprised that he can't see things getting better, but it's still a slap in the face regardless.
I'm resigned to getting divorce, and can't see him changing his mind, so am trying
to proceed with this and make it as quick and painless as possible. When
he hadn't been home for a week (he said he was thinking, but at that
point he thought he wanted to try still, maybe go to counseling) I was
researching my options for what I'm entitled to if he were to want a
divorce, and emailed the Chaplain from my husband's unit. I know I am
entitled to half of our BAH, medical benefits, and a roof over my head,
as the chaplain says.
Now here is where it gets sticky. My husband says that because we
(really he, because he has a spending problem and applied for numerous
credit cards to boost his credit rating, only to allow them all to go to
collections months later... None of them are in my name, luckily) have
debt that he is "taking on", that he is "going above and beyond what he should be doing" and he should be giving me a hell of a lot
less than my half of the BAH to make up for the debt, and the loan that
he has that we took out for our wedding and to my best knowledge, will
be done paying in March.
I know debt/belongings are community property in California, but I'm
assuming other things like car loans are as well. We purchased a used
2006 Jeep Grand Cherokee in February of this year. We put a 3100 down
payment to get better financing, and have made 11 payments on the Jeep
for a total of around 8k paid on the Jeep. I do not have my own car and
have taken the bus to work for nearly three years, so my husband can
have a car.
One of my questions is this: if the debt is considered mine (even though
I rarely buy anything for myself aside from food, the occasional piece
of clothing for work or toiletries, he does ALL the spending) because we
live in a community property state, wouldn't what we've paid into the
Jeep be community property as well? From what I've researched online, it
doesn't matter whose name is on the title, the money came from both of
us in our joint bank account and is considered community property, am I
correct in assuming this?
Because of the debt that is supposedly mine too, is my husband allowed
to reduce the amount of BAH he gives me until our divorce is final? He holds the money over my head
and any time I do or say anything he doesn't like, he threatens to give
me what BAH I'm entitled to, minus money for the loan, etc. I'm already
taking a loss because our rent is $1075 and he's only giving me half of
our BAH, which ends up being $900, so I end up paying the extra on
rent, the utilities, the $200 from last months rent that he paid late
and said we'd pay this month, and I still have to save money for a down
payment so I can get a car for myself.
Also, he was furious when I told him I emailed the Chaplain, because he
apparently can get in trouble because the Chaplain will talk to people.
That makes no sense to me, and I feel like he's trying to withhold
information from me so he will have the upper hand. Is the Chaplain
allowed to go tell the Colonel or my husbands COC about us divorcing? I was under the impression that things are somewhat confidential while talking to him and that he'd only tell people if my husband beat me or wasn't giving me any money whatsoever.
And even so, divorce happens. Unless he has something to hide, I don't see why he would get in trouble. I'm not going to tattle on him, tell them
about his extreme drinking problems (not my problem anymore), or do
anything to drag his name through the dirt, but I'm entitled to
information. Is there any sense to what he's saying? I don't know who
else to turn to who can give me advice, aside from this message board.
I'm sorry this is so long, and I understand that I can't get true legal
advice, I'm just trying to understand my rights and make sure I'm not
being screwed over.
Thanks in advance for reading, and if anyone could give me any advice or
point me in any direction that could help me out that would be
fantastic. If you need to PM me to ask anything as well, feel free. I
just feel like I'm grasping at straws and don't know my rights and its
scary and frustrating. Thanks, ladies!