Sex & Romance
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Effect of sex on feelings about partner

Hi, I just had a question. I know having when having sex you create oxytocin and feel more bonded to your partner and all that. However, my issue is that when we are having sex frequently I feel great about the relationship and loving towards dh. When we are not, I feel very distant from him and somewhat uninterested and doubts start creeping in. He can sense this, and has said he feels like I'm only interested in sex with him. While that's not true, I do get frusturated if we are cuddly all night, then he falls asleep on the couch and there's basically no chance of anything happening that night. And I do sometimes initiate in this situation, but then I often feel like I wind up doing all the "work" and can't always tell how into it he is. We sometimes have really great sex for a period of time, or he wants it multiple times a day etc. and then it just falls off. Is it normal for a man's sex drive to be this variable? Is it normal to be so effected by sex?

Re: Effect of sex on feelings about partner

  • I'm wondering if its chemical too. Same in our relationship. Feel free to PM me.
  • Have you spoken to him abou this subject at length?

    If not you should.

    What are things like outside the bedroom? What kind of a partner is he? What kind of partner are you?:)

    Intimacy isn't just sex -- it's caring, it's communication and it's making your partner feel needed and sexy even when you're not having sex.:)
  • We've talked about me wanting more sex, and it will increase for awhile then die back down. As far as the rest I haven't really talked to him. I don't want to hurt his feelings by saying " I really like you and feel close to you after sex but not as much the rest of the time."

    He is a good partner in a lot of ways. He is very loving and supportive but he has habits that bother me that we fight about, mainly his drinking and pot use. He also masturbates pretty frequently, and that makes me feel crappy about us, when I feel like he is choosing it over me. He doesn't do it while I am home, but I know he sometimes does right before I get home, which makes me feel like why not just wait? Or send me a message to see if I am in the mood or something.

    I know I can be a bit of a nag and more self absorbed sometimes then is good for us. I feel like we are likely drifting apart outside the bedroom as well.

  • imageTarponMonoxide:
    Have you spoken to him abou this subject at length?


    Intimacy isn't just sex -- it's caring, it's communication and it's making your partner feel needed and sexy even when you're not having sex.:)

     

    This.

    If your SO feels like you only want him for sex...then there is a problem.

     

  • It's an urge. You mean you don't masturbate? C'mon...
  • Sure I do. But I feel like he would rather do it than be with me or wait for me. Its an urge but it should be a contollablr urge.
  • Have you talked to him about the drinking and pot use?

    That definitely might be a reason for the sex drive issues and I could see how excessive drinking and pot smoking would bother you. It would definitely bother me.

    And if the stormy weather came...I'd just kiss you in the rain... Daisypath Anniversary tickers image
  • We have talked about it alot, and argued. As it stands I am hoping he slows down, but realizing he might not.
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