Sex & Romance
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email [email protected]

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Embarassing question inside.

I know AE's are frowned upon but I'm really embarrassed about this subject and just can't bring myself to talk to anyone about IRL.

I'm 20 and I've been with my BF for a few years and we have sex quite often but he has never ever given me an orgasm. I know that I can because I O when I masturbate. My question is..what do I do? I fake it with him because I just feel horrible and don't want him to feel like he's inadequate. Do I need to see someone about this? Is it normal? I just want to know what's going on..

Re: Embarassing question inside.

  • I'm 30 and have never been able to orgasm during intercourse with any partner. I used to fake it when I was your age because I was embarrassed too. But it's actually VERY common, to the point of just being normal. I think statistics are about 50/50. Our anatomy just sucks in that regard. We don't get the stimulation we need from intercourse alone.

    If you're serious about your BF you need to come clean about it. Faking it is not good for anyone. And will never help the problem to be solved! We bring in a small vibrator during sex and that's all I need to get the job done. And DH doesn't mind one bit. If your BF doesn't like the idea of that then maybe oral is more his style. Don't be afraid to talk about it. The longer you wait the more anxiety you're going to build up about it.

    For the record I remember talking to my friends about it when I was in my early 20s and not a single one of them would admit that they had any trouble reaching O with intercourse alone. By our late 20s we discussed it again (the same group of friends) and all but one admitted that they'd never had an orgasm during sex alone. So trust me, you're not alone and it's nothing to be embarrassed about!

    [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd243/laurakat24/DSC_1682-3.jpg[/IMG]



    <a href="http://growbabysmithgrow.blogspot.com/p/my-history.html">TTC, Loss, and IF History</a>
    <p><p>


    <a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lbdf.lilypie.com/B5GDm6.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Pregnancy tickers" /></a>


    <div style="text-align:center;"></div>
    <a href="http://www.growbabysmithgrow.blogspot.com">[IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd243/laurakat24/TTCALawards2011-laurakat81.png[/IMG]</a>




    <a href="http://www.growbabysmithgrow.blogspot.com">My Blog: Grow Baby Grow</a>
  • imageLaurakat81:
    I'm 30 and have never been able to orgasm during intercourse with any partner. I used to fake it when I was your age because I was embarrassed too. But it's actually VERY common, to the point of just being normal. I think statistics are about 50/50. Our anatomy just sucks in that regard. We don't get the stimulation we need from intercourse alone.

    If you're serious about your BF you need to come clean about it. Faking it is not good for anyone. And will never help the problem to be solved! We bring in a small vibrator during sex and that's all I need to get the job done. And DH doesn't mind one bit. If your BF doesn't like the idea of that then maybe oral is more his style. Don't be afraid to talk about it. The longer you wait the more anxiety you're going to build up about it.

    For the record I remember talking to my friends about it when I was in my early 20s and not a single one of them would admit that they had any trouble reaching O with intercourse alone. By our late 20s we discussed it again (the same group of friends) and all but one admitted that they'd never had an orgasm during sex alone. So trust me, you're not alone and it's nothing to be embarrassed about!

    I for one can't understand why all women don't masturbate and learn to do so at an early age: this is the only way you'll know what turns you on.

    It's a sin it's this or that, bull: MASTURBATE and start NOW if you haven't done so.

    Then show your partner what makes you orgasm. Have him masturbate you or go down on you. It's a guarantee you will orgasm if he does.

    This also shows me that there is zero communication in your marriage. If you can't sit down with him and frankly show him what makes you orgasm, or what you want in your sex life, what good is it at all?

    This is 2011, not 1911. The era of lying back in the bedroom while you do your wifely duty is long dead and gone: speak up and speak OUT and show him what you want --- masturbate and find out what makes you orgasm.

    I always recommend the book Sex For One: The Act of Selfloving by Betty Dodson. She's known as the "mother of masturbation." Check it out.")

  • Wait?! Im assuming this comment was made for OP and not me. You quoted my text as though you were telling me MY marriage has zero communication. And considering OP isn't even married..... If that's the case, maybe you should actually re-read what I wrote! I'm not sure how stating that I've told my DH that I don't get off through intercourse alone and that we typically spice things up with a vibrator says we don't communicate! I mean I could go into details on everything we do in the bedroom to prove that we communicate quite well. And have loads of fun doing so but I'm not sure you'd find it as fun as I do!

    Either way. I agree with what you've said but she clearly stated that she does masturbate and has no problems getting off on her own. I agree she needs to speak up NOW. But I can sympathize, shes young. I never told my BF from when i was 17-20 that this was an issue. There were plenty of times I wish I had but I can understand OPs hesitation in having to say, "I'm sorry. I lied. I never orgasmed. Ever. And now I want to try XYZ and see if we can make it happen." I faked it every time with that first BF. My friends didn't help because apparently they were all faking it too! Most teens think they are abnormal when they realize they can't get off. They don't realize that it's normal and you have to actually do other things to achieve orgasm. It's not as straightforward for women as it is for men. But that also can make it a lot more exciting if you let it. It's not wham, bam, thank you ma'am.

    [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd243/laurakat24/DSC_1682-3.jpg[/IMG]



    <a href="http://growbabysmithgrow.blogspot.com/p/my-history.html">TTC, Loss, and IF History</a>
    <p><p>


    <a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lbdf.lilypie.com/B5GDm6.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Pregnancy tickers" /></a>


    <div style="text-align:center;"></div>
    <a href="http://www.growbabysmithgrow.blogspot.com">[IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd243/laurakat24/TTCALawards2011-laurakat81.png[/IMG]</a>




    <a href="http://www.growbabysmithgrow.blogspot.com">My Blog: Grow Baby Grow</a>
  • Most women can't orgasm through intercourse alone. Lots of women need clitoral stimulation, and you don't get much of that with just sex. This doesn't make your BF inadequate, it's just sucky anatomy.

    Try masturbating during sex, so that you get both types of stimulation. Find a position in which he can mastutbate you. Does he perform oral sex, and can he get you to orgasm that way?

    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • imagealtee55:

    I've been with my BF for a few years and he has never ever given me an orgasm.  I O when I masturbate... what do I do?

    It's up to YOU to make sure it happens, because he can't tell what it feels like for you. How about masturbating while you're having sex with him? That way you'll be sharing it with him, and he can become an active participant in your orgasm, the way you are in his. Chances are it will turn him on, and he'll be getting a better idea of what it takes to get you off.
    [url=http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker][img]http://tickers.myfitnesspal.com/ticker/show/1877/160/18770160.png[/img][/url]
    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - [url=http://www.myfitnesspal.com]Free Calorie Counter[/url]
  • image~NB~:
    imagealtee55:

    I've been with my BF for a few years and he has never ever given me an orgasm.  I O when I masturbate... what do I do?

    It's up to YOU to make sure it happens, because he can't tell what it feels like for you. How about masturbating while you're having sex with him? That way you'll be sharing it with him, and he can become an active participant in your orgasm, the way you are in his. Chances are it will turn him on, and he'll be getting a better idea of what it takes to get you off.

    I totally second this. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Do you see a GYN?? I know its embarrassing...but i promise its a normal question to ask.When you masturbate do you only O from external stimulation or internal...i know that sounds weird but that could be a big deal regarding intercourse...

    My sister had a similar problem and was even married, went and saw her DR about it and she finally had her first one during intercourse. Oddly enough, it was mental exercises that helped her. She over thought it alot so she couldnt during intercourse...mediation and what not seemed to help her a little.

  • Quit faking it.  Just make sure your clitoris is stimulated during sex, that's all.
    image
  • Just heard about this book "She Comes First." I suggest you give this book to your man for Xmas, and tell him it's a gift for both of you. :)

    Oral is the easiest, most direct way for a woman to have an orgasm. Does he go down on you ever?

  • As a wife & a Pure Romance consultant with a very active sex life - I too find it hard to hit my O zone when my husband and I have intercourse. We've tried communication & all. It happens, but rarely does my "g spot" get set off. To help this situation out I use a "bullet" {not all the time, but a lot} when I want to charge myself. It works. What's a bullet? a small little cylinder that works of batteries. Don't be scared to use it on your OR him. He'll love it too. This will keep you from 'faking' it {we've all done it} and actually hit the O zone while your partner does the same. You'll thank me later! :) Have fun - will be the best thing that ever happened to ya.

Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards