July 2009 Weddings
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Question for new moms

Ok so when my best friend was pregnant she told me a lot that when her husband had to go back work she would like company and almost seemed afraid that I wouldnt come hang out any more once the baby was born. Well Monday he went back to worn and I've offered to come by and hang out, help in any way I can, bring food, whatever. But she has pretty much refused. I know she is really stressed And alone all day. 

What should I do? Stop offering? I don't want to bother her or make her feel like she has to accommodate me but I want her to know that I'm here if she needs anything.

It's weird not having her to talk to anymore. I know thigs will settle down but I feel useless and we've always been there for each other. I guess I just feel strange that she doesn't want my help or even just company. 

I guess that's it. 

Re: Question for new moms

  • Personally, I felt like a slob-my house was a mess, I was a mess, and if someone had called and said "hey, can I come by?" I would have said no because it would mean I would need to get dressed, clean the house and prep for someone to visit. However, if a friend/family member had shown up, especially with food, and just said "I wanted to bring this by and give you a hug" I probably would have broken down in tears and had them in.

    My suggestion, and this may just be me, is pick up something like an edible arrangement and bring it by. Just do it in a very casual "just bringing you something to munch on" way and do not expect to be invited in.

    Another option is if you know her husband well, asking him what they would like for dinner and dropping that off.

    Infants can be very isolating, and it's really hard as a new mom to ask for or accept help. Good luck with your friend!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I agree with Meghan.  I would casually take her a freezer meal or a gift card for pizza or something along those lines.  The first few weeks are difficult and tiring.  Don't be pushy.  She will get in a routine and want to hang out again soon!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFruit Ticker image
  • If he just went back to work Monday, she may just need a little time to get into a routine with her and the baby.

    My friend had a baby at the end of February and I'd say it was at least a month or so before my sister and I hung out with her.  Even then, there were several times that my friend cancelled plans before we saw her.  I think a lot of it had to do with her having post-partum depression, along with the reasons the girls lister above.  Eventaully we just had to say we're coming over.  It's really only been in the last month or two where my friend is back to her old self and actually seems happy to be a mommy.  Between the baby having jaundice, crying a lot like babies do, my friend being tired, etc it was a huge adjustment period for her.   

     

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  • Thanks for the responses. Being pushy is the exact thing I don't want to be, so I wasn't sure how to handle it all. What everyone said really helped. I'm going to make them enchiladas tonight and freeze them. I'm going to ask her hubby tomorrow if I can just meet him at his work when he's off so that she doesn't feel obligated to invite me in :)
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