Back in May, a couple of weeks before DH and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary, I found out he had been having an emotional affair. The affair had been going on for at least 8-9 months, possibly longer.
As you can imagine, I was devasted. Even typing this today is very sad because it brings up all of the emotions that I felt on that day. One day you trust your husband with your life and the next, you feel like you can't trust a word he says. It's a very difficult realization to swallow. I did suggest seeing a marriage counselor and had set up an appointment. Unfortunately, this counselor was not going to be available to see us for a two week period. There was a lot of tension and arguing during that time and somehow, he talked me out of going to counseling. I stupidly, agreed. I felt like maybe this was something we could work out on our own.
He apologized for his behavior but to this day has stuck to his story that nothing ever happened and nothing was ever going to happen. He says that he will be more careful to how he relates to female coworkers in the future but he never meant to hurt me. I have seen evident positive changes in his behavior. He wants to do more with me...even if it's running a simple errand. He is not on his phone texting as much as he used to. He is more affectionate and our sex life has been better than it ever was.
I still am saddened everytime I think of the things he had said to this other woman via emails. Therefore, we have discussed at great lengths the boundaries of our marriage and opposite sex friendships. I feel that he hears me and has tried to understand where I am coming from. However, he feels that I want to alienate him from having female friends. These discussions usually turn into arguments. I feel strongly about guarding our marriage but he thinks it's being controlling.
I do have access to his email and facebook account. He is still very guarded about his cellphone. Not as much as before, but he does have a password that I don't have. I have asked for his phone records, not to be in control but to keep him accountable but he has refused. He says it makes him feel like a criminal and he does not know anyone whose spouse would ask this of them. I'm no counselor, but I would think any counselor worth their salt, would say that this would be a little bit of your privacy to give up to begin establishing trust again.
Curious to know if any of you have been in a similar situation and what your counselor advised you to do in this case.