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Warning, this is a bit risque in a horrible way.

My MIL and S-FIL threw a party one Saturday and my DH's cousin was In town from Tennessee. My DH and said cousin were extreamly close and they spent almost every day while he was visiting together. So at the party Dh and I drank and were planning on spending the night at his moms. So as the night progressed i became quite drunk and needed to go to bed. DH's mom led me to her room and I went to bed. Well it wasn't long when DH's cousin opened the door and asked where DH was. I said I didn't know. I thought he would go away after that but instead came inside and proceeded to straddle my legs. I tryed to push away but he was too strong and tryed kissing me a few times. I struggled and then DH's mom opened the door and told him to leave me alone. He left and I immediatly went and got DH. I told him the story and DH and his cousin got into a fight.

My problem here is not only did the cousin do something that is totaly unacceptable but even after we left (which was right after because MIL kicked us out) DH's parents didn't ask him to leave their house and let him stay a whole month more. DH and I refused to go over to their house until he left.

Are we wrong for acting this way?

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Re: Warning, this is a bit risque in a horrible way.

  • You weren't wrong to not go over there.  Obviously.

    As for his parents, though... I feel like a lot is missing.  They kicked you all out after the fight, and then let the cousin stay?

    What has been said between you all?  Has DH talked to his parents about the entire situation to understand their viewpoint?  And since he left - where do things stand?

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  • Why did they kick you and your H out, but let the cousin stay?

    ETA - And no, of course you're not wrong to not go over there. 

    They are definitely in the wrong for the way they've handled this though. 

  • No, you were absolutely not wrong for removing yourself from that situation.

    In fact, since nobody but you and your H did anything about it, I'd be tempted to file a police report against the cousin.

    Honestly, I'm amazed that your in-laws kicked YOU guys out of the house and not the cousin. Not only would I not go back to their house until the cousin leaves, but I would really not want to go back at all seeing as how they're apparently O.K. with attempted rape. Even if they apologized to you and your H, I'd have a VERY hard time forgiving them for that.

    image
  • No, you aren't wrong for not going over there.
  • That's awful! You aren't wrong for being upset and I would be done with them after this-but that's me.
  • No, of course you aren't wrong for not hanging out with someone who sexually assaulted you.  Is this a real question?
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  • So, you're mil kicked her drunk son and drunker dil out of her house and made you drive? mmm hmm. Why would you want anything to do with these people if this is how they reacted to this situation. 
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  • I have to agree with everyone else.  Anyone who would take the side of a person who sexually assaulted me would automatically be cut from my life. 
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  • That's awful.  I am so sorry that happened to you.  Cut them out of your life--it's completely unacceptable behavior and I would have contacted the police.  The inlaws supporting this behavior is condoning it.  They should have more regard for your safety and your feelings. 
    image
  • boundaries from here on out...my mother in law has seen me drunk but never had to put me to bed (although sounds like you were pretty coherent). I just think  you shouldn't do this type of drinking around family anymore!

     Can your husband ask them to explain their position?

  • You not going over there, no not at all. I think many,including myself, would do the same.

    As for your inlaws, I think it is totally unacceptable for them to kick you out but not the cousin. There is no excuse for that. About the extra month, maybe they didn't mean it as a reward (lack of a better word). Maybe they didn't even think about it when they told the cousin that he could stay longer. If they did mean it to spite you and your H then that is completely wrong.

     Maybe you should call your MIL and talk to her about it. It might clear a few things up for you and your H.

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  • Well, the "you were wrong" part is even considering going to the ILS home AFTER the cousin left.  Someone who "blamed me" for having a man assault me would be kicked from my life!  I would never go back in 10 million years!

    I hope the cousin stayed for a month b/c your H beat the cr*p out of him and he couldn't walk on his own.

  • Why on earth would they throw you and their own son out of the house? Something is not adding up in this story. Why would you ever want to go over their house? It's not risque, it is almost criminal with a big case of wtf is wrong with this family?
  • I am sorry that happened, what a scum bag. Did his mom through you out because she feels like you created a problem with DH and his cousin, or because his cousin was already staying with them? Either way that is messed up and I think that DH should call his mom and ask what is going on.  I feel bad for your DH too, it is never a good feeling when you find out someone close betrayed you like that, not to mention the cherry topping of his mom through the two of you out and keeping the back stabbing cousin in her home. I would ask DH to call his mom and find out what is going on, why she did what she did, explain that her behavior was hurtful and explain you will not be going over there while he is still there. Don't let this stew too long, things can become worse when people have time to sit on them.

    Good Luck

  • You don't really know what the word risqu? means, do you.
  • This whole story sounds fishy to me. The MIL witnessed her nephew forcing himself on a drunk woman and then kicked the woman to the curb? Really?

    OP, if that's really how it went down, I would cut ties with your husband's family. And file a police report on the cousin. 

  • image kcpokergal:
    You don't really know what the word risqu? means, do you.

     

    I know what the word risque means. But at the time it was the only word i could come up with. Sorry.

    image image image Anniversary Holiday
  • Yes this story is true. I didn not make it up. She did throw DH and I out and let his cousin stay for another month. Only when DH's step-brother got threatened did they kick the cousin out. I should say that DH's step-dad is a jerk and has DH's mom brainwashed. I havn't been to their house since and I have no intention of going over there any time soon. Ive only seen DH's mom once since said "event" and that was through a rolled up car window.
    image image image Anniversary Holiday
  • Your MIL is absurd. If I were you I would cut my ties with her. I speculate that DH still wants to stay in contact? Damm - stay away from that family entirely. Anything could happen next.
  • I'm very sorry this happened to you.  Your MIL's response is horrendous but not surprising, because women tend to blame other women who are sexually assaulted.  I'm really glad she came in when she did, though, and I wonder if she saw him go in.

    If I were in this situation, I would not have any contact with his parents again or the cousin and his family, and I would have a hard time if DH wanted to have a relationship with them.  If I had kids, I certainly wouldn't them to pick up from the grandparents that women are to be blamed when they are sexually assaulted.  I would not consider it my responsibility to educate them or convince them it was forcible.

     

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