Sex & Romance
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email [email protected]

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

confused

So this morning i find out that my husband has been watching porn.  I figure that there has to be a reason so I ask.  His response is "when i get horny late at night i watch it, because i don't want to wake you up."  My reaction is OK i get it I'm grumpy when i get woken up.  we talk about it a little more then off to work we both go.  Well i just thought i was okay with it, and now that I've had time to think about it and try to rationalize it, I'm a little sad and hurt.  We have sex anywhere from 3 to 6 times a week.  Which i thought was pretty good but now I'm second guessing it.  

Not sure how to handle this now.  When I'm horny he never wants any.  But when he wants some i give in even if i don't any.  

Anyone out there who could help?   

Photobucket BabyFruit Ticker Anniversary

Re: confused

  • I'd just get over it.

    Sex and jacking off are not the same things.  If he's playing with himself instead of having sex with you that would be a problem, but you guys are doing it 3-6 times a week. He obviously likes doing it with you or you wouldn't do it so often, I don't really get what your issue is with this?

  • if I was getting it as much as i wanted i wouldnt give a crap.

    if it was preventing me from getting it, it would be a real issue!



  • While it is naturally to feel a little jealous and hurt you should not take this so personally.  Porn is used to help achieve orgasm during masturbation and masturbation is normal for anyone, even if they are getting regular sex.  If he masturbates, it does not mean he is not satisfied with you sexually, especially if you are having sex three to six times a week...  That would make anyone happy! Furthermore, if you feel the sex is good (passionate and involved) then it probably is for him as well.

     

    Is it really the case that whenever you are horny he doesn't want any?  Or is that your hurt talking?  Because right before that you said you had sex three to six times a week.  Are you wanting more?  Does he regularly turn you down when you initiate sex?

     

    My advice to you is to either not go through the computer history because it will only make you more jealous and self conscious or accept that your husband watches porn, go through the history and see if you can determine any patterns or kinks you two share and that you can bring into your own bed.  Good luck!

    SpotlightSpotlightSpotlight
    I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker
  • Haha... I would be happy that he isn't waking me up from sleep and taking care of it himself! But that's just me....

    I'm curious though, it sounds like you have a healthy sex life with 3-6 times a week... but then why isn't he interested when you're in the mood? Have you talked about this with him? Is it good when y'all do?

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • image karlee4ever:

    Haha... I would be happy that he isn't waking me up from sleep and taking care of it himself! But that's just me....

    I'm curious though, it sounds like you have a healthy sex life with 3-6 times a week... but then why isn't he interested when you're in the mood? Have you talked about this with him? Is it good when y'all do?

     

    Maybe he isnt interested because he is tired/sore from jacking off?  I would just be happy he is letting me sleep.   

  • Porn - goooooood

    Masturbation - gooooood

     

    3-6 times a week....Greaaaaatttttttt

  • image LilBlkdrss:

    I'd just get over it.

    Sex and jacking off are not the same things.  If he's playing with himself instead of having sex with you that would be a problem, but you guys are doing it 3-6 times a week. He obviously likes doing it with you or you wouldn't do it so often, I don't really get what your issue is with this?

    That's really insensitive.

     I can totally see where it would hurt her because it makes it seem like she's inadequate when truth is, he needs to quit watching that crap and realize that porn is not even close to reality. It's filthy and I'd tell him to quit watching! If you don't like it and he loves you and knows it hurts you he should get rid of it. If he doesn't get rid of it then throw it out yourself!

    Guys can easily get addicted to this junk. Watch this great video on youtube

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M58KL_d30uo

  • I agree.  Porn is not okay, it is wrong.  I doubt it has anything to do with waking you up and more to do with wanting a "high."  Porn IS addictive.  It portrays sex in a "dirty" way instead of the way it should be: clean and wholesome and between a husband and wife.  You need to seek counseling.  There are also a lot of great books out there to help you both deal with this.

    P.S.  Totally jealous of your frequency.  My husband is too tired all the time (and he doesn't look at porn).

  • I'd kill for sex 3 times per week. 6 would be heaven.

    Your husband watching porn is FINE. Your husband not taking care of your needs is NOT FINE. The porno isn't the problem here, it's that you're left high-and-dry sometimes. 

    Guys watching porn and jerking-off is totally normal, don't believe the porn-haters. While it is possible to take porno too far, it doesn't sound like your guy is anywhere near that point. It's also totally natural to be jealous of anything that's taking up your SO's time and attention, however, jealousy isn't a good thing, thus you need to address that part.

    Also, it sounds like your guy is somewhat embarrassed about watching porn, and he's trying to hide it a bit. Nip that one in the bud - tell him it's totally OK with you if he wants to watch it and jerk-off. You need to make that clear, otherwise he's just going to hide it more. Heck, ask if you can watch it together, you might even like it. 


    You need to have a separate conversation about YOUR needs not being met. If you're always giving-in to him, but he isn't with you, ya'll need to meet in the middle. Compromise and all that good stuff. 

  • I read in Cosmo that  it's perfectly ok and acceptable for a guy to do that as long as he is not ignoring you.  Sounds like you're okay in that dept ;)

     He did this before you and he's keeping it up now that's he with you.  Remember guys think about sex and have more testosterone than we do.

  • Would you feel more comfortable if he was watching a special movie of you? Maybe you can make a sexy video of yourself as a special present to him. It can be really awkward at first but can end up being fun.  In terms of sex desire differences, communication is key.
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards