June 2008 Weddings
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DH vent

Alright, here's the DH ugly.  I'm at the end of the rope with him tonight and need somewhere to vent.

 He has been so mean to me lately, and I've had it.  Two nights ago, I woke up in the middle of the night after a TERRIBLE nightmare (worst one I've ever had that I can remember), so I got in bed with him (I've been sleeping in the guest room since I get up every 2 hours and he gets up at 5:30 most days).

He basically told me to leave him the he!l alone.  Then the dog started crying in his crate, which he only does when he needs to go out, so I begged him to take him and he wouldn't.  I take him out (he runs outside and poops) and end up throwing up (it was 4:30 am, the morning sickness kicked in).  Now I am in tears and throwing up and he ignores me completely.  I bring the dog in and crawl back in the guest bed and don't go back to sleep.

Yesterday, he said he felt bad for the way he acted and thought about it all day.  But then tonight, I get a taste of him all over again.  It's like he can't show me any grace when I'm having a tough time lately.  My vball team played terribly again tonight, which is so discouraging.  I come home and can't do anything right.  He asked me where I put the kitchen dish towel-I didn't remember-and he flipped out on me over something so stupid.  I can't remember ANYTHING these days, I was already frustrated, needed to eat, etc.  He has been so hard on me and I'm totally exhausted by it.  I wish I could give him the silent treatment like a child.

So anyway, I'm sure it's just a phase, but he needs to get out of it quick.  I really need some support from him these days and instead I'm getting a lot of criticism.  I'm just tired.

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Re: DH vent

  • First, I'm sorry to hear it.

    Second, you need to help him snap out of it.  Either something is bugging him that he's not ready to share with you or he just doesn't get it (very common).  For guys....they have sex......and a baby comes after a long time with lots of crazy in between.  I had to remind DH all the time how tiring it was, that I wasn't the same, I can't remember things, that I was more sensitive and emotional than normal and he needed to be more gentle with me.  I think that's fair.  

    Also, know that you may even go through more hormonal craziness before it's all over (and after!  oh, after, oh boy).  So, best he get on-board now!  I had a few episodes where I was full-on crazy town and thankfully we'd talked before and he knew it wasn't "me", etc.   

  • My husband is totally going through this same phase right now. He's been working a lot so I know that has a lot to do with it. And we have a lot to do before the new baby comes and I know that all of that stresses him out. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but it's so hard when he's mean to me. 

    I talked to him about it last night and of course he got defensive. Then I really did give him the silent treatment and he knew I was pissed. After that he was sweet as pie to me. This isn't normal for him so I'm sure he'll snap out of it soon.  

    I hope that your DH starts treating you nicer. Have you sat him down and had a serious talk yet? And if all else fails you CAN always give him the silent treatment. Haha. Good luck!


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  • I'm sorry he's being a butt, and I agree you need to help him snap out of it. 

  • Like Megan said, my first thought is that something's bothering him and he doesn't want to tell you. Silly men minds. Hopefully you can sit him down and find out, and if not, let him know that he has to treat you better. I find the silent treatment and slamming doors usually gets the point across to my H when he's being especially obtuse.
  • image JNicMTek:
    Like Megan said, my first thought is that something's bothering him and he doesn't want to tell you. Silly men minds. Hopefully you can sit him down and find out, and if not, let him know that he has to treat you better. I find the silent treatment and slamming doors usually gets the point across to my H when he's being especially obtuse.

    I do the same thing, but also add some evil stares in there.

    Probably something is bothering him, or he is starting to worry about something when the baby comes and is keeping it in. I know my husband got really stressed once I was pregnant and that mixed with the hormones was not a pretty sight sometimes. Just sit him down and tell him how it is. Maybe next dr visit, you can bring him and you can ask your doctor about your hormones, lack of memory, and such and maybe hearing from the doctor that is normal and to be expected then he will maybe understand? I got my DH a book for him to read in the bathroom that helped explain what I was going through (my boys can swim) 

  • Ouch! I am sorry! But I agree with pp; sometimes the childish silent treatment/slamming doors is exactly what a guy needs to realize what a butthole he's being. I've gone to far as to actually storm out of the house for a few hours when DH was being particularly lame once. Good luck!
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  • I second everything that has been said above.

    I also think it would be a good idea to hear from the MD about how your feeling is normal (hormones, etc.), so if he thinks "it's not that bad" he can get over that.

    I think it would be great to have him start reading some books geared towards the fathers. DH had/is reading 3, and it really gives him insight into what's going on with me and how to deal with it in a positive way. He's reading, pregnancy sucks (for men), the expectant Father (although it's pretty old and some things outdated), and I forget the third. It's nice because he's coming to me with questions and reminding me we need to do things.

    Good luck, keep us updated.


    Seriously, I needed the encouragement.  It's so frustrating because DH is really my best friend and it's really hard to feel "off" with him lately.  I do need to get him a book-so thanks for the suggestions.  I'll order one tonight from Amazon.

    Next appt. is the 13th, so a ways off.  I think he's feeling money stress, which is the underlying problem here, since I quit my job and coaching, etc. doesn't pay until it's over.  And we had already committed to putting the deck on our house, so that's a lot of money going out right now.  Regardless, we need to have a "please show me some grace/compassion as I'm trying to hold things together as best as possible" talk.  ESPECIALLY with my parents coming this weekend.  I do not want to fight with them here.

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  • I'm close enough to drive down there and give him a kick in the butt.

    The other girls gave some good suggestions so I'll just ditto what they said and I'm sure you guys will get back into your normal groove soon :)

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