(posted on blended families as well)
Background info: DH CO states that for visitation either MIL or DH will escort SS to and from. This
arrangement has worked for us because MIL will meet BM at the airport
and MIL will escort SS the 3800 miles it is to where we are currently
stationed. MIL has escorted SS to and from visitation on three
occasions, but she knows it is not something that we expect her to do.
the past she has expressed a desire to spend the visitation with us and
we paid for her and SS roundtrip ticket. There was one summer where she
had planned on visiting her sister 6000 miles away for the summer and
had purchased her ticket already. Because she had an overnight layover
in our town we asked if we bought SS ticket if she would be willing to
escort him. She was willing to and on her way back from vacation she
brought SS back to BM.
This summer DH and I were
in Iraq, but knew we would have leave during SS summer vacation. MIL
had expressed that she wanted to visit her sister again, but could not
afford it. We told her that we would cover her
roundtrip ticket if she was willing to escort SS to SIL house where we
would be visiting. She agreed and I purchased both hers and SS tickets
for a total of $2,400 in April.
came around and she brought SS to my SIL home. SS stayed with her and
her kids until we arrived. We landed on a Sunday morning and when SIL
picked us up she told me to check my email because MIL wanted to go home
on Wednesday. DH was fuming! He called his mother and asked her to just
stay for the 2 weeks (instead of the 6 weeks her return ticket was for)
we would be there so he could spend time with his son. She said he was
selfish for asking her to stay just so he could see SS. DH reminded her
that we had an agreement and expressed that SS didn?t travel 6,000 miles
just to spend 4 days with DH. She refused to agree to stay longer and
then asked us to pay for her early flight back.
and I both agreed that 4 days was not long enough to spend time with SS
and told MIL she was welcome to go back home if she wanted to, but SS
was not going with her. When she asked about SS and how he would get
home we told her not to worry about it and that we would figure
something out for ourselves.
could not bring his son home himself because we are required to sign a
contract with our command stating that we will only go to the address on
our leave form. After discussing the issue with BM she said it would be
OK for my mother escort SS home. To purchase my mother a roundtrip
ticket and SS a new one way ticket home at last minute faire, we spent
am so upset because we had an agreement with MIL and last minute she
decided that she didn?t want to be a part of it anymore. I am also upset
that she called my husband selfish because he wanted to spend time with
his son when he was visiting from Iraq. DH has expressed that he won?t
ask his mother to be an escort again in fear that she will back out of
the arrangement like she did this summer.
the holidays coming up I have heard from my SIL that MIL would like to
come and visit again as long as we purchase the tickets. I personally am
not ready for that situation because since she left in June she has
acted like nothing happened and refuses to talk about what inspired her
to come home early. If DH is not able to get time
off of work to go get SS for this Christmas? visitation, taking MILs
offer may be the only way for us to see him.
brings me to my question. Would it be ?out of line? for me to ask her
to sign a contract saying that she will escort SS to and from visitation
within the dates for the tickets we purchase and if she decides to
violate that agreement she will be financially responsible for repaying
us for her ticket?
I would ask anyone to sign this if they had put us in this financial
situation. I am still upset that over $5,000 had to be taken from
savings for transportation that we had budgeted for and paid in full
earlier in the year.
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013