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New parent

My son is 9 months old tomorrow. and I feel like since he came into the pitcure my husband and I have been drifting apart... Any advice?
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Re: New parent

  • Is your son STTN?

    Do you have date nights?  If not is that something you could start?

    Do you work opposite shifts?

    Is he an involved father or is all the childcare left to you?

    Are you arguing or just not feeling as close as you were before becoming parents?

    I know that's a lot of questions, but your OP was vague as to what the actual problem is.  Knowing more about your specific situation will help with giving advice that will actually work for you.

    image Grayson's side-eye
  • image Belichick:

    Is your son STTN?

    Do you have date nights?  If not is that something you could start?

    Do you work opposite shifts?

    Is he an involved father or is all the childcare left to you?

    Are you arguing or just not feeling as close as you were before becoming parents?

    I know that's a lot of questions, but your OP was vague as to what the actual problem is.  Knowing more about your specific situation will help with giving advice that will actually work for you.

    ARe you and/or he becoming too "kid oriented"?

    Date nights are an excellent suggestion. So is having somebody watch the kiddo so you and he can have some couple time together for an overnight or a weekend.

  • Drifting apart in what way?  Do you mean you don't have sex as often, don't communicate, or that you are on different pages regarding parenthood.

    The first two can be relatively easy to fix.  You have to put aside some expectations of pre-baby life, and find time when it is available.  Start putting the baby to bed early, and go to bed early - both of you.  No television, just the two of you.  Even if you are too tired for sex, you'll have alone time.  Make plans to share something on a regular basis - a favorite television show, a special meal on Sundays, a trip to the ice cream store - which your son can also be around for, but the point is for you to have a special ritual.  Our kids are older, but dh and I do a lot of talking while we take walks around the block with our kids or walk behind them as they ride their bikes.

    Find a babysitter (your son is big enough to be left alone with a trusted adult/teen, and at 9 months will cry but will not be damaged if you leave him for a few hours!) and go out.  You don't have to make it a long night if you are tired or feel bad leaving the baby, but go for at least an hour for coffee, a movie, a bike ride. 

    If you are "drifting" b/c you feel the need to stay home and your h isn't really hands-on as a parent, you need to have a talk, and maybe counseling.  Also, if that is the case, take a night off FOR YOURSELF.  You will be less stressed and resentful, and discover that your h's way of caring for your son isn't necessarily bad, but different, and that your son will not succomb to disease if he doesn't get his bath while dad watches him. 

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • I agree that more details need to be provided. Does he think that you two are drifting or is this just something that you are seeing? Do you have date night? Family night? Do you have the same routine? What are your work scehedules like... I could ask a million questions.
  • you can find a shocking amount of info on the web with someones's real name and town. please change your screen name.....

    Friday, December 28 2012. The day I had emergency appendix surgery in Mexico and quit smoking. Proof that everything has a good side!! DH and I are happily child-free!! No due date or toddler tickers here!! my read shelf:
    Alison's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf) 
  • Communication is always important in an relationship - but never so much as when a baby joins the family.  TALK to him, often and honestly. It will help.
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