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DH works long hours (long vent)

My DH loves his job which is great, but sometimes he works REALLY long hours.  The past week or week and a half he has been working crazy hours because he had two big projects come through that needed to get done.  He has been working about 18 hours a day which means that I don't see him. 

We went to BRU today to look at cribs before he went in to work and he was so tired and I was so crabby since I haven't seen him in a week, that we both ended up getting really grouchy at each other.  Sigh.  Most of the time he works about 12 hours a day which I can handle, but these 18 (or more!) hour days are killing me.  He's hoping that everything calms down next week so he can sleep and relax a little bit and we can spend more time together.

Does anybody else have a DH who works such long hours?  Did he change his work schedule at all when your LO arrived?  My DH swears that he will change his schedule ones our DD is born, but after the week he had, I am a little worried.  I have also turned into a weepy, emotional pregnant lady over the past few weeks which does help either.  Embarrassed  I feel like we are never going to get "baby stuff" done because he wants to be involved in picking out everything but doesn't have the time to do it right now.  Hopefully the next few weeks will be slower and we can tackle all that.  Thanks for listening. 

Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Anniversary

Re: DH works long hours (long vent)

  • My DH sounds just like yours. Loves his job and stays late regularly, usually 12 hour days. He didn't promise to cut back when the baby was born, but he did accept a promotion that he thought would have him out by 6 or 7 every day. It doesn't. So he tends to get up with L in the mornings before work and I sleep in a little (like, 20 min) because she's always asleep when he gets home.
  • I am so sorry! I totally understand having a DH that works long hours. My DH is a cop, but works alot of side jobs in addition to his normal shift. Last Saturday he left the house by 6am, and didn't get home till after midnight. Normally he works extra when I am asleep. Or tonight he is going to work security at a wedding. Hes doing it for the money, because well side jobs pay REALLY well for cops.

    If I want to do something with DH or have him go to a doctors appointment I have to schedule it. Literally. We use google calendar, and we have it so each other have access to our calendars. When I wanted to go to BRU to register, I penciled it in when I saw he had time. Would something like this work for ya'll? It makes it so much easier then trying to drag my DH anywhere when he is super tired. 

    If you ever need to vent about anything, feel free to PM me (if you don't wanna post it.)  

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  • Thank you Larknow and Happyappy.  I actually feel much better now that I typed it all out, had an ugly-pregnant-lady-cry, and heard that I am not alone.  I'm sorry both of you have to put up with DHs who work a million hours, but it's good to know that we're not alone.  Happyappy, I may take you up on your offer to PM you next time I am having a meltdown.  Thanks!
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Anniversary
  • I can understand how you are feeling.  My DH works long hours usually at least 12 hours a day M-Sat.  He decided to start his own business and started the business the week I was due with Wyatt.  I haven't even thought about asking him to cut back since I know he can't with a business that is just starting up.  I am hoping that once things start going well and we start making some money that he can take a step back and let his employees run things a little more.  I feel kind of bad for him since he is leaving when Wyatt is getting up for his morning nursing session and by the time he get home in the evening he is getting ready for bed.  Sunday is really the only day that he gets to hang out with us (his only day off) for an extended period of time and then he is still fielding phone calls and answering emails. 

    As far as picking out baby stuff, are you wanting for both of you to be there together to pick stuff out?  My DH was pretty busy so I did a lot of the research on baby items and picked out my top 3 or 5 items in each category and then let him decide what he liked.

    Cheese!

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  • I definitely understand.  My DH works at least 12 hours a day, usually from 9-9 or 11-11 and he doesn't have weekends off.  We try to find spare afternoons or mornings to do things together and lately it's baby stuff.  I just try to be flexible and schedule things in advance.  
  • I feel your pain.  DH hasn't seen LO more than two hours total this whole week.  He is taking the whole weekend off but that means he'll be drafting in the evenings at home.  I have a really hard time biting my tounge when he complains about being tired.  I know he works long hours but he and I used to have similar jobs and he doesn't have to be "on" the whole time like I do with LO.

    I have tried very hard to make it about their relationship not about him pulling his weight.  I really want them to have a close relationship and the only way for that to happen is to spend 1 on 1 time together.  I feel like this gets me further than nagging him to "help with the baby".  It's hard when they aren't home.  I second the google calendar idea.  And make sure that he really thinks through if he can cut his hours.  Nothing makes a new mom more stabby than a promise to be home that he can't keep.  Remember you always have us.

    DSCN0016
  • DH and I use Google calendars, too, and it's been really helpful.  His hours are kind of funny, and change depending on the time of year.  August, September, April, and May he works a ton and I hardly see him.  He always leaves the house by 5:30am, no matter the time of year.  During his busy months he's not home until 8:00-9:00, sometimes even as late as 11:00.  The rest of the time, it varies, but he's usually home by about 5:00.  Busy season stinks, and I'm sure it'll be hard once our LO is here.  It's hard enough when it's just the two of us.  But it's the nature of his job, and he can't do anything to change it.
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    TTC buddies with anigirl16, res932, & courtney321
  • Whew!  Thank you everybody!  You ladies are the BEST!
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Anniversary
  • We both worked extreme hours until I changed jobs in march. Dh works long hours still. It is expected in what he does. Now that I don't work 80 hour work weeks I try to very thoughtful of the fact he does. He may like his job, but he loves his family and would love to be home with us. One of the ways our family copes is that T and I take DH dinner on some of the nights he works late. Sometimes we stay and eat, sometimes we just drop off food. It's important to me that Topher sees us support each other and has a place to connect to the phrase "Daddy's at work."

    Topher's 1 Year Old Chocolate Coma

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  • Btw- excuse the terrible grammar/punctuation above- I am distracted by the chaos that is toddlers and tiaras

    Topher's 1 Year Old Chocolate Coma

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  • so sorry that your DH is working such long hours, that is tough.

    My DH is gone during the week, so I know your pain.  He leaves on sunday evenings & comes home late thursdays so during the week i'm on my own.  It's how it's always been for us so I'm used to it, but I have also thought aboiut how much it will suck when we have a LO about how he will miss doc appts, special days, etc...  but it's an awesome job for him & the job market in our area sucks so bad that he wouldn't even think about finding a new job.


    My Chart
    TTC since Sept 2009
    Cycle#9-Natural BFP 7/9/2010 ~ m/c 7/31/2010 ~ 8/31/10 beta 0.
    Nov/Dec 2011, started seeing RE. HSG-all clear! SA is good! DX = unexplained IF.
    Cycle#25-50mg clomid, IUI#1 = BFP 12/24/11 ~ m/c 1/5/12 ~ 2/21/12 beta level finally 0.
    Cycle#28- 100mg clomid + Ovidrel + IUI#2 = BFN
    Cycle#29- Follistim + Ovidrel + IUI#3 = BFP 5/8/12 ~ betas dropped 5/17/12 ~ Cytotec(fail) D&C (fail) & then a methotrexate shot to get things going ~ 6/28/12 Beta FINALLY 0.
    RPL tests reveal MTHFR mutation(1copy)-adding Folgard & BA and moving forward.
    Cycle#32-Follistim + Ovidrel + IUI#4 = BFP!
    Beta#1 8/21/12: 11, Beta#2 8/23: 71, Beta#3 8/25:174
    9/4-seen sac/yolk, 9/7-9/12 hospitalized for a ruptured cyst causing massive internal bleeding.
    9/11-seen HB!! 9/18- no HB, 9/21/12-D&C. Fetal tissue testing revealed a healthy boy. Now getting more tests to try to figure out this mystery :(
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