I could use some advice on a good compromise with my inlaws.
We're moving and DH's parents want to help. Originally they said they cannot help physically (they're older and not in the best shape) but they wanted to help financially. DH and I haven't planned our move yet so we've been telling them we'll let them know how they can help when we have a plan.
Nonetheless, inlaws have been very persistent about telling us they can help. The message from my MIL yesterday was starting to take a little bit of a desperate turn (voice tone, DH listened to the voicemail and agreed). MIL has real problems with feeling not included/left out of anything. We do see them fairly regularly, but MIL would be happier if she was significantly more involved in our lives.
Yesterday FIL offered DH a large sum of money - we're not comfortable with that, it's a lot of money and probably way more than we'd need. DH handled it, said it was very generous, but more than we'd ever need. We had not planned our move, but we'd let them know how they can help after we plan this weekend.
Anyhoo, DH does not really want inlaws help with the physical move - I've suggested maybe they can help us unpack (it means a lot for MIL to be involved) so that there is not a lot of standing or lifting involved. DH said he's not keen on them involved with any physical help in the move because my MIL helps how she wants to help (he's right on this one). In the end she has to be babysat because she does stuff that hinders positive progress. Example - DH had a really heavy suitcase - told MIL it was too heavy and leave it for him or FIL to carry (it was really too heavy). MIL argues with DH, just grabs the suitcase, takes a few steps, says it's too heavy and then drops it quite hard. If anything was in there other than clothes they would have been broken. DH had other examples, but that is the one that comes to mind.
Now inlaws are saying they can help with the move, just not do anything that involves lifting or stairs.
I'm taking DH's lead on this one because they are his parents. Neither DH nor I want to categorically exclude them as that would cause more problems than it would be worth. So we're trying to plan a compromise - ways for them to be involved without being a problem or accepting a wad of cash. Any thoughts?