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FH really wants to try this...

I'm getting married in less than two weeks. I know on the honeymoon FH really wants to try anal. We only did it once when we were dating about 2 years ago and it didn't go well. Whenever we try I see black spots and get really nauseous. I'm just wondering if this has happened to anyone? And what might be causing this? Sorry if this is TMI, I'm just really curious but I'm embarrassed to go see a doctor.

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Re: FH really wants to try this...

  • It's pretty simple: you see black spots and get nauseous because you do not like anal sex.

    I would tell him politely and firmly what you told us --- I have no idea why he wants to pursue something that did not go well when you tried it. Very doubtful if things have changed since then and you'd be more receptive to it.

    No is no; he'll have to learn to live with it. Why should he pressure you into something you are not comfortable with and do not like?

  • I would just let him know how you feel about it. He will (or should at least) respect your wishes. Like pp said, just be honest with him.

    If you do decide to try it however, make sure you take some lube with you.

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  • I second LOTS of lube. 

    Some women like anal, some women don't.  And that's really all there is to it.  It sounds like you don't enjoy, so this isn't about ways for you to like it, it's about ways to get through to him.  If he's having trouble understanding that this is NOT comfortable/enjoyable/in any way arousing for you I suggest turning the tables...When he lets you stick a dildo in his ass I'm sure you would be willing to at least consider trying it again Wink ...I suspect that day won't come anytime soon.

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  • HAHHA I love the turning the tables comment! Tell him how you are feeling. If he loves and respects you, he will understand and respect your wishes. Don't do anything you aren't comfortable with! 
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  • haha thanks for all the advice! That comment was really funny and I actually did say that before to put it in perspective. It shut him up quick! He's okay with us not trying, I just wanted to be able to do something special for him on the honeymoon since we've been having sex.
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  • image arizonatea:

    I'm getting married in less than two weeks. I know on the honeymoon FH really wants to try anal. We only did it once when we were dating about 2 years ago and it didn't go well. Whenever we try I see black spots and get really nauseous. I'm just wondering if this has happened to anyone? And what might be causing this? Sorry if this is TMI, I'm just really curious but I'm embarrassed to go see a doctor.

    Ok, here is something for you. . . when do you otherwise feel nauseous? When seeing vomit? Pregnancy? Illness? 

    Nausea is a way to show a discourse or a distaste for anything. You hate anal or rather I believe you may be. . . disgusted with it. Black spots? You know you hate it so much that your body actually physiologically goes through some changes. You are not prepared for this and also you make yourself sick because you seriously do not wish to go through it and well. . . it repulses you.

    If you want to do anal sex, fine seek some therapy on it and read some material. If you do not want to go through with this let your fiance know. Remind him of the last time and be sure to include that it most likely will happen again.

     

    Good luck to you and I think I said the same things that the other posters said.

  • My DH tried this a couple times when we were dating. I was up for trying it but I really didn't enjoy it. I told him that. He tried a couple times after that thinking that more lube was needed or that if I was being stimulated in other areas I would enjoy it more.... I didn't. He tried about three more times at which point I'd totally turn off and roll over and say okay I'm done I don't even want sex any more. He started to get the point that it really turned me off when he even thought about trying it and that he wasn't gonna get any any which way after that.

    That was when we were dating for about six months. Now, I've figured out that he enjoys stimulation down there and didn't know how to express it when we were dating and just didn't understand why it didn't feel good to me.  

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  • If you want to do something special for him.. I'm sure you two can come up with an idea that you'll both enjoy.
  • I agreed to TRY it once, so he tried for about a second and I decided that was enough!

    That's an exit and I'd like to keep it that way!

  • I've had this happen to me before. FH has tried to talk me into trying it again, but everytime I answer him no and remind him of why. He has let the subject drop. I repeatedly told him how I felt and how much I dislike it. He respects it and we just enjoy everything else but that.
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  • if u really want to do it there is a way. u def need lots of lube. baby oil works great! start out by kissing and getting into a relaxed mood. like when you really make love not just have sex.be soft an gentle. have him rub his fingers on your back door starting with light rubbing an gently and slowly with more pressure. also have him use his other hand to pay with your nipples or clit or wherever else gets u goin. when you feel comfortable have him gently insert a finger or thumb into ur anas while at the same time biting your neck (this puts the pain elsewhere).

     

    the trick for you is when he inserts his penis use your muscles to push out like if u were using the bathroom.. (gross i know but ill tell u why)

    the muscle that keeps your poop from fallin out is the same muscle that makes it difficult for anything to be inserted

    also for me personally it helps if my man smacks my ass or chokes me violent i know but it turns me on an allows me to let him in

    you have to be relaxed an ready for it talk it up in your head to mentally prepare for it and you have to really trust your partner but beware once you do it he will want it all the time

    if its done right and you take your time dont rush who knows you may come to enjoy it

     

    oh and one last thing if u drink, get fucked up lol that will help a lot

     

    good luck

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  • So I felt like no one really gave you useful advice other than not to try it. My guess is you feel nauseous and see black spots because it hurts.

    YOU HAVE TO BE IN CONTROL! He can't tell that it feels so different to you so he's going to try to use the same moves as in regular sex. You have to control how deep and how quickly he moves. Just a little at a time. If it hurts stop. Wait a little bit and try again. He's not going to want to move too quickly either. It's much tighter and he's going to be much more turned on by the naughtiness of it. Just slow shallow strokes until you feel like more.

    You have to use lube. Do not use baby oil or anything not meant for that area. There are products out there just for anal sex like booty ease (it's a lube and it's numbing for you). I find that if you start with regular sex you'll be more in the mood and your natural wetness will help too. Just don't let him go back inside you after he's been in the back door (high risk of uti). 

    My last piece of advice is don't let him "finish" inside your back door. It's not fun for you later. (Think of what an enema does). 

    This isn't he most PC of conversations, but I want you to get the info you need. You don't need to do anything you aren't comfortable with - it won't be pleasurable for either of you. But I do feel like anal is worth a try. And to be honest honeymoon sex is already going to be special. There's just something about it that makes it more WOW than any other time. 

    Hope this helps and congratulations on your upcoming wedding! 

  • IMO, it's my way of thinking (as well as what I've read in "A Celebration of Sex") is that anal isn't really a good thing, and it's best to avoid forcing a non-sexual body part to serve a sexual purpose. 

     Your future husband should respect you and your desire to avoid it, and it's probably healthier for you both not to.

  • The black spots and nausea happened to me too, the first time we tried it.  It sorta felt like I was going to faint, not sure why my body did that but it did. I gave it another shot though, with more lube and remembered to take deep breaths.  By our third go at it, it was fine.  Its all about how you feel though.  If you are really against it, don't do it.  
  • image agape1cor813:

    IMO, it's my way of thinking (as well as what I've read in "A Celebration of Sex") is that anal isn't really a good thing,

    of course that book is going to (pun intended) poo-poo anal sex...it's written by a CHRISTIAN SEX THERAPIST, for crying out loud!

    for the OP...i ditto what others have said about lube, lube, and more lube, if you do decide to take another try.

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  • image TarponMonoxide:

    It's pretty simple: you see black spots and get nauseous because you do not like anal sex.

    I would tell him politely and firmly what you told us --- I have no idea why he wants to pursue something that did not go well when you tried it. Very doubtful if things have changed since then and you'd be more receptive to it.

    No is no; he'll have to learn to live with it. Why should he pressure you into something you are not comfortable with and do not like?

     

    I totally agree here. I'm not a fan of anal myself. It just plain hurts me. It doesn't feel good. My FI is very understanding about this. There are other holes he can put it in. It's not the end of the world.

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  • I am not a fan of anal but there is something you can try that hasn't been mentioned here yet. I would say ONLY try it again if it is something you really want to do. I sell Pure Romance(not trying to advertise) and we have a product called Booty Ease that is a numbing gel that you can apply to help relax the anus to make anal more comfortable for you. You can also use a male stimulator to help absord some of his length but still give him pleasure. Apply the numbing product a little ahead of time(about 10 minutes) to give it time to work and then using TONS of lube put the male stimulator on his penis and then let him enter you V E R Y SLOWLY. 

    But again only do this if it is something you are both interested in.

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  • DamikDamik member
    Ancient Membership 2500 Comments
    I have to caution against using any numbing agent when you try anal sex. Your body will tell you if something is going wrong (small abrasions or other trauma) and if you are numbed then you won't be able to identify it right away.

  • I know this is almost a year later... but if your still willing to try it there are a couple more things you can try.
    1) Make sure you've emptied your colon at least an hour before sex (sometimes if you have stuff in there it can hurt more and be uncomfortable, not to mention messy)
    2) Make sure your clean and there is no hair around that area (get a wax or shave it off) sometimes hair gets caught on a condom and we all know when the hair down there gets pulled, it hurts. 
    4) If your both comfortable with it .. and i mean REALLY comfortable, have him use his tongue and let him lick and play with your back door and use your natural lubes to help out.
    5) get some lube that smells like mint.. this will awaken both your senses and give for room a nice minty smell.. DO NOT use tingling lube... it burns sometimes
    6) get some anal beads that start of small and go bigger... that way it will relax your sphincter muscles as the beads go in and out and you can determine how much is to much.  And by anal beads i don't mean the massive ones they use in pornos... many sex shops have a starter kit that comes with beads and plugs and many other things to relax and pleasure you 

    happy humping
  • there is a nerve that's close to the rectum and it can cause fainting and nauseousness.  I can't remember the exact spelling but it's called a vasovagal reaction (fainting) & it can often occur when having a large bowel movement as well as anal sex.  It is completely normal in a certain percentage of people, who would probably shouldn't have anal sex if they don't want to faint.

    This is not to say that all these folk are wrong, if you don't like something sexual it will probably make you sick, and you shouldn't do it.

    Just thought you'd like to know that there is a medical reason, I don't remember the percentage either, it's not common but does exist. 

     

  • I did NOT enjoy it without lube. With lube it's almost as good for me as it is for him.
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