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How do I respond to my husband's accusations

Hello,  I am a female married for 2 years, 29 years old.  I have been working really hard for the last 3 years to help my husband get through law school and get on a job path.  We moved  a couple thousand miles away from my friends and family for his school and bought a town home.  I typically get home from work between 5:30-6:30 in then evening, and up until recent graduation my husband would be in class.  I am usually pretty exhausted as I am a dental hygienist working a physically and emotionally draining job sometimes 40+ hours a week. Let's just say most of the house work has fallen on me, as well as bills etc.  He isn't usually availble to even talk to me much less do anything else around the house. For the last year or so when I have not felt like being sexual or wearing lingerie my husband has accused me of being gay. He constantly complains about the way I dress and that I don't wear sexy things regularly which I think has a time and a place.  Of course I am not gay, which is what creates the issue.  I have known many great gals and never been sexually attracted to them.  Has anyone else has this issue,  how should I respond to him. Of course it makes me really angry

Re: How do I respond to my husband's accusations

  • This guy sounds like he's in middle school. It's kind of like telling the girlfriend "Everybody's doing it" to get her to go all the way.

    What does he expect -- you to be in the mood constantly? Let him go get a blow up doll if that's what he wants.

    Tell him point blank to cut it out. If he keeps saying it, he's got big issues: insensitive, selfish and he's a sh!thead. Would he like it if YOU said he was gay if he wasn't in the mood when you are? Would he like it if you called him gay if he didn't dress the way you want him to dress, at your demand and at YOUR whim? I think not. 

  • image EMB_SAS:

    Hello,  I am a female married for 2 years, 29 years old.  I have been working really hard for the last 3 years to help my husband get through law school and get on a job path.  We moved  a couple thousand miles away from my friends and family for his school and bought a town home.  I typically get home from work between 5:30-6:30 in then evening, and up until recent graduation my husband would be in class.  I am usually pretty exhausted as I am a dental hygienist working a physically and emotionally draining job sometimes 40+ hours a week. Let's just say most of the house work has fallen on me, as well as bills etc.  He isn't usually availble to even talk to me much less do anything else around the house. For the last year or so when I have not felt like being sexual or wearing lingerie my husband has accused me of being gay. He constantly complains about the way I dress and that I don't wear sexy things regularly which I think has a time and a place.  Of course I am not gay, which is what creates the issue.  I have known many great gals and never been sexually attracted to them.  Has anyone else has this issue,  how should I respond to him. Of course it makes me really angry

     

    Um, I'm sorry, but I wouldn't be ok with that kind of comment. Ever. I am sorry he said that to you. He needs to be grateful, you are working really  hard to support the two of you while he is in school, AND you moved away from your friends and family for him. There is something wrong here. I honestly don't know what to tell you, I would probably slap my fiance if he said that. Explain to him that you basically work two jobs since you work 40 hours a week AND you take care of all the housework. He is not being fair to you at all. Turn the tables around on him, and ask him if HE would always be in the mood for sex if he were working 40 hours a week. Sheesh. I hope he stops acting like a baby and starts appreciating how hard you work!

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  • It sounds to me like he is feeling pretty insecure. Insecure people throw out jabs. 

    Communication. Communication. Communication.

    I totally feel for you and the load that you are carrying in your marriage. If you two don't make time to sit down and talk about your relationship and the path it is on - you'll be sorry later.

    Sit down with him and tell him how you are feeling about everything falling on your shoulders. Yes he is in school but that shouldn't exempt him from partaking in household chores. Yes he is in school but that shouldn't exempt him from making time to see how YOU are doing. You both have needs in the marriage. Yours aren't being met. His aren't being met. If they were then you wouldn't feel the way you do and he wouldn't feel the way he does and throwing jabs at you.

    Good luck :-) 

  • - It's not okay for him to say something like that. Have you sat down and  talked to him about it, how it hurts when he says such assshole comments?

    -how often do you have sex?

    -what does he do to keep things romantic? I feel like, if he gave you reasons to dress up, you would...

  • Is your clothing the only thing he has mentioned to accuse you of being gay? Does he initiate and do you refuse?

    He does sound insecure and you two definitely need to communicate.

  • I would wait and see how "in the mood" he is as a first year associate with 60+ hour weeks.  I doubt he is going to be a sex machine with all of that stress.  

    First time his d!ck goes limp from exhaustion, I would ask if he was gay...but only if I wanted a divorce.

  • How about "we'll see how gay I am when I find another husband....one who isn't an a$$hole"
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