H and I got into a 'discussion' about this last night... not the first time it's come up, but it's not something that we talk about regularly. Let's start with a question: if your in-laws live in another state, how often do you call them independently of your SO? what if they live in another state and you have never lived in the same state as them?
I'll answer first: pretty much never unless prompted by H. I don't think about it really, why would I? I mean, I have plenty of family that I never talk to, maybe even for years (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents - most live in other states) and it doesn't cross my mind to call people I barely know. H doesn't get on my case about it, or anything, for the most part and has never demanded that I do it or anything, but once in a while it comes up and he pretty much asks "why don't you just do it to make them happy?" All I can think of is because a) it honestly never crosses my mind and b) I don't want to have a conversation that involves awkward small talk EVERY TIME (I know this is something that I should get over and just do to be nice) - it's seriously a broken record of small talk and advice. I call people when I want to have a meaningful conversation and/or because I miss them.
I know I'm wrong...
But I still feel like I'm justified in feeling annoyed that I should have to do it independently of when H talks on the phone. He says he wants me to call other times on my own, not just when he's talking to them (or for birthdays etc). *we then got in a side argument about whether he could just 'help the process along' and let me know when he's calling them so I could at least start out by talking to them when he's already calling them*
I know I'm being bratty about this, but I don't know them! I've met them maybe 7 times? Every time we start the same small talk and advice (oh the advice!!) and I feel like a bad person, but I just don't feel close to them or interested in calling them. They are nice and have never done anything to make me dislike them (except getting me those shoes... lol), but it's so forced right now because we don't spend consistent, normal time together. Even the times I have seen them, it's always for an event/holiday and in general you know that visiting people isn't a way to get into a 'normal' relationship.
Ok, even if I'm right, I know what the nice thing to do is. I just want to know if I'm crazy or if I'm right and then I'll let go and try to be the nice DIL Oh also, H is their only child, so I'm the only daughter = compounding the importance.