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It's always something...

Lately, my husband and I have been arguing a lot more.  We have been married just over a year and have had "sex problems" since before the wedding.  I attribute most of the problem to us working opposite schedules - we really only see each other on the weekends.  I seriously eat dinner by myself five nights a week and he gets home after I go to bed.  Anyway, we've started having more sex - mainly because I've made more of an effort as I was the one that was usually too tired, etc.  And the sex has been better in general lately.  But now that that part of our relationship is improving, he keeps finding other things that are bothering him that we continue to argue about.  Most of it is that I don't SHOW him that I love him as much as he'd like.  I grew up in a not very affectionate family and I tend to show my love/caring with material items and taking care of things for him (cleaning the house, running errands for him, etc.)  I'm sick of fighting and both of us feel so unappreciated, I don't know what to do.  Advice...

Re: It's always something...

  • Have you guys talked about it? Like, you show your love and commitment and appreciation for him by taking care of things so he won't have to, to make his life easier, and he shows his love and commitment to you physically. It's not that one of those things is better or worse than the other, but you just have different ways of expressing it. 

    "Hey, I'd like it if you gave me more hugs."

    "Cool. I'll try to remember that. If I don't it's not because I don't like hugging you, that's just not what my family does and I'm trying to get used to it. While I like the hugs, I think I would also appreciate it if you just noticed the little things I do. I don't expect you to do them in return or whatever, but a thank you will really help me a lot." 

     I don't know why you'd fight over it. You're different people with different backgrounds. You each need to try to understand and accept the other, and you each need to try to be a little more accommodating of the other. God, don't spend the little time you have together fighting, spend it having sex or doing other fun things. 

    This may actually be a situation where that love languages book would come in handy.  


  • I feel compelled to do this...

    Have you heard about the book the five love languages, it may actually help in some way.

    ETA:  OK I see noisy beat me to it.

  • I've heard ATM is a great way to show affection and make his spirit happy.
    Mucho likes purple nails and purple cupcakes
  • Here is a link to find your love language.  It sounds like you two should work through the book, but this is a start. 

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