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Need advice.

So...we originally planned to stop not trying after the wedding (last Sept).  But, then I quit my job and started my own business, so we had to wait to save up money, etc.  DH is also finishing school in July, and then hopefully will have income, but he'll be traveling a lot.  I also am very overweight right now and would like to be a healthy weight (ideally) before TTGKTFU; which I am working on now...about 11 pounds down so far.  I am also 31 and would like at least 2 kids.  So, how long do I wait?  Is it more importatnt to lose the weight or start having kid before I get too old?  What should I do?

BabyFruit Ticker


  • Just an FYI, this question might be better suited for the Getting Pregnant boards, but I'm happy to answer your question to the best of my ability. :)

    I'm overweight, too, and was on a diet/exercise regimen before I got KU. I'd only lost about 10 lbs, but I was on my way to being healthy. If you don't mind me asking, how much do you want to lose, or how much do you need to lose to be at a healthy weight for your height? And, btw, 11lbs is a great achievement! :) Also, with your financial situation, it's nice to have that in order, so you may want to do that before you start trying. If you feel you're stable financially (insurance and everything), that's usually an indication that you're ready to start a family. As far as your age goes, you're still "young" in the big scheme of things. It's when you're over 35 that your fertility goes down. I'm 31, too, and got pg within 6 months.

    One thing I do recommend is going to and picking up a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility to get started charting to see how your cycles are (when and if you're ovulating, that kind of thing), just to get a good idea of what your body is doing. And, if you're on any form of birth control pill, you might want to get off of that now, because it can take your body upwards of a year to regulate.

    Hope that helps, GL!

    BFP 1/22/12 | Ectopic pregnancy found 2/14/12 | Methotrexate to complete m/c 2/15/12 imageimageimage Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Anniversary
  • i think these are all very personal decisions.....and each person will vary greatly. so here is my two cents, what would work for me. i won't take it personally if you don't listen to my advice ;)

    h and i had decided that we wanted to jump in..we think that if you wait too long for something to be perfect, it never will be perfect and you'll never end up doing the thing it is you wanted to do.

    while being a healthy weight is important, it's not crucial to a healthy pregnancy. i'm overweight myself, and have talked to my girly doc about ttgtkfu, and she said that as long as i'm making healthy decisions, it shouldn't matter too much. overweight/obese women get pregnant all the time, and still have health can also still lose weight during your pregnancy by eating healthy and still have a healthy weight baby. i had a friend who was obese, lost 40 during her pregnancy, and had a perfectly healthy baby girl. friend kept off the weight, and lost more after the baby was born. she's thinner than me now. btch. hahaha j/k. sorta.

    if the money-saving is an issue..i'd write out the long term budget with plenty plenty plenty of buffer in there for emergencies and other unforeseen expenses (i.e. all your friends get married and start having babies equals lots of gifts!). also be realistic in how long it will take your H to get a job in his field, and how much he can make.  but there's also no "magic number" where you have enough money to have a baby. i think the hardest part in your situation is that you are self employed. what kind of insurance do you have for yourself? it might be worth it to wait until your H has a full-time job that covers insurance.

    and then there's age. i like the idea of having kids younger than older because my parents were "young" when she had my brother and i (24/26 for my brother, 29/31 for me). i like the age of my parents...they were not too old to play with me! i.e. my parents went parasailing with me when i was 14 (which would make them 43 and 45). how awesome is that? i don't think they would've been able to do that in their 50's+.

    also, as you get older, statistically, it does take longer to get pregnant...but of course, that's just a statistic, and you could easily beat the odds. also, is IVF a possibility? if it is, and you're not keen on having kids "young", then take your time and have kids later when other things align correctly. how far apart in age do you want the kids? something to also think fertile was your mom/aunt/grandma?

    a morbid aspect that i've thought about is that i also want my kids to be older when i die (of course i can't plan when i know). it makes the mourning process easier (i would hope so), and at least they could be mature enough to fully understand how to move on with everything legally. i had a friend who's older dad passed (no mom in the picture) when she had just turned 18. she was old enough where nobody was assigned to take care of her, but she had to do everything on her own. and i wouldn't want that for my kids.

    whew..that was long. hope some of that helps you at least see other point of views. good luck in your decision!

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    ♥ baby jennlin born on 02/15/2012 ♥

    who says you can only wear your wedding dress once?

    honeymoon biomarried bioplanning bio
    jumped ship to the new and improved nest. back to TB for baby boards.
  • Maybe this was more of a vent, or just wanting to hear some other points of view...

    I have insurance, financially stable, own a house...just want to save enough so that I can afford to not work for a few months.  Already saving, just need to save more.  Also, have been off bc about a year, regular cycles, no issues there.  Did talk to OB before the wedding, said I'm healthy to have a baby, but it'd be a good idea to lose weight b/c eas ier pregnancy, less likely to have complictions.  I don't have high blood pressure or any other health issues currently.  I know 35 is the "scary" age, and I want to be able to have 2 before I'm 35.  Plus, I don't want to be old, my parents were very young and that was nice growing up.  I need to lose about 100 lbs to be a "healthy" weight.  

    So, the main issues is how important to lose the weight (or some, how much?) v. start trying sooner/before I get older.  I know this is a personal question, I just haven't figured it out yet.  Our original plan was to start trying in Sept/Oct, and if I stay on track, I should be able to lose about 50 more pounds, so I guess I should just keep that plan for now...we can always change it.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • image LegalBritt:

    From your siggy pic it doesn't look like you need to lose 100 pounds!

    Thanks!  Big Smile  I'm not saying that is my goal/plan, but I need to lose 90-95 (oops, actually 110-115) to be at a healthy BMI.  I was thinking maybe another 50-60 before baby...but not sure.

    BTW: Siggy is from Sept wedding, I am close to the same weight, maybe a little heavier.  My avatar (is that what it's called), is from a few years back when I was much healthier and much smaller, about 65 pounds lighter.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • This is a big issue with H and I. I don't really have any qualms about losing weight before I get preggo right now, sure I wish I could lose about 30-40, but that isn't the reason stopping me from having a baby. If it were my way, H and I would be trying NOW.

    I'm not baby crazy or anything, but I turn 30 in June, and I feel like time is slipping away. I don't want to be an old mom, H is turning 26 in May so he feels peachy about waiting. He says he only wants to wait another 3 years but to me that feels way to long.

     I also have severe back problems, several bulging discs in my back and I'm afraid I won't be able to do fun things with my little ones. It scares me and makes me sad.

    Plus I get pressure from my mom and grandma and since H and I are the first ones married out of all the young family, the focus is on us. I personally have no problem trying right now.

     But H wants us to make more money, have a stable home, be cautious. I understand all of his worries, I really do. But in the same token, we have a very generous family, my grandma reassured me PLENTY of times that you can take care of a baby with not much money, and we're not THAT hurting for money, and we DO have a stable place to live in. For the forseeable future, we're not moving and we live in a 3 bedroom house. Plenty of room for kids.

     So I'm frustrated. If things don't change in another year or so I'm putting my foot down and demanding that we start to try. I don't want to jeapordize our babies welfare or lifestyle, but I just think I'm more ready than I originally thought I was. Ah, now I have my vent!! I guess it will happen when it happens. Funny thing is, I don't care for other peoples babies, but I can't wait to have my own. Life is a strange thing...

  • bukahbukah member

    I think you should do what feels right. Being overweight and getting knocked up doesn't mean you are going to have issues and neither does being older. Statistically yes it could be an isuse but there are plenty of healthy babies born to overweight or "old" women. Be happy in your skin and dont stress about losing weight or getting to old because i am sure that the stress would be worse on your body trying to conceive. Remember you are perfect just the way you are!

  • image bukah:

    I think you should do what feels right. Being overweight and getting knocked up doesn't mean you are going to have issues and neither does being older. Statistically yes it could be an isuse but there are plenty of healthy babies born to overweight or "old" women. Be happy in your skin and dont stress about losing weight or getting to old because i am sure that the stress would be worse on your body trying to conceive. Remember you are perfect just the way you are!

    i agree! if u want to have a baby now, why not.  if u put so much pressure on yourself to lose weight it might make u stress out and gain or just add too much stress. just start eating healtuy and do what you can :) u girls a frickin gorgeous btw
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