Family Matters
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Dear SIL....

Just because your brother and I are building a house doesn?t mean that you have to break your contract on your current offer so that you guys can now build a home too.

 

**My husband and I started looking for homes the same time my SIL and her husband started looking.  They got into contract first then about a week later we got into contract.  Our home inspection was about a week after our offer and it was sooo bad, and electrical nightmare, we decided that we wanted out and that we were going to build a new home instead.  After we shared the news with our families (a week and a half before my SIL?s closing) she decide that she wanted to walk from her home contract as well...a week before her closing.  Now guess what she wants to build in the same subdivision as us, maybe on the same street. 

Uhhh, I am so upset.  We can?t even talk to my FIL about our new home with him talking about my SIL?s new home.  I don't know if she has even signed a new contract and I don't care at this point.

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Re: Dear SIL....

  • Why do you care?!
  • Hmmm...  so, have you actually asked them why they changed their minds?  From what you write here, it doesn't sound like it and it sounds like you're making a lot of assumptions.

    You had a really bad inspection and backed away and decided to go new.  Maybe something happened w/ them that led them to the same decision. 

    From what you write, YOU'RE the one doing the comparison thing here more so than them. 

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
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  • Seriously - why does this matter and how does this impact your life at all?
  • Listen OP - I learned this along time ago.

    When you have siblings, and you're around the same age, you're going to be doing things around the same time. Getting engaged, having weddings, having babies, buying first houses, etc are all events people do and just because somebody is doing it at the same time as you, and maybe even seemingly in the same way as you, does NOT mean they are doing it BECAUSE of you.

    I am sorry that you wanted this to be a very, super, special exciting time for you and your DH only and that that dream has been dashed, but really, you're making this situation more dramatic than it needs to be. 

  • WahooWahoo member
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    If you don't want them living so close, then maybe your H can talk to his sister and tell her that he doesn't want to be her neighbor.

    Is she getting charged for backing out of her contract?  Maybe the cost, plus the cost of building, will be prohibitive.

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • image MKESweetie:

    Listen OP - I learned this along time ago.

    When you have siblings, and you're around the same age, you're going to be doing things around the same time. Getting engaged, having weddings, having babies, buying first houses, etc are all events people do and just because somebody is doing it at the same time as you, and maybe even seemingly in the same way as you, does NOT mean they are doing it BECAUSE of you.

    I am sorry that you wanted this to be a very, super, special exciting time for you and your DH only and that that dream has been dashed, but really, you're making this situation more dramatic than it needs to be. 

    This. My brother is 15 months older. We went to proms and homecoming in the same groups, same graduating class, He bought a house 1 year after I did, got married six weeks after I did. We will probably be having kids at the same time. No big!
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  • Do you like her? I would to have my SIL/B on my street! As it is, my dad, bro/sil and M and I live about 2 miles apart, it's very convenient.
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  • It does sound as though you are a bit upset as you perceive them as being copycats. 

    My suggestion:  Casually ask them why they backed out on the home they were closing on, maybe over a glass of wine or laid back dinner (no pressure).  Maybe they will tell you that the house they were closing on had some issue that you had no idea about.  Or maybe they just thought that based on market conditions your idea was better.  Remember: imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. 

    If it is the proximity that bothers you there is really nothing you can do about it (sorry!).  Just establish visiting boundaries early on (say we are sooo busy throughout the week but would love to get together on the weekends)!  Chances are they will take you up on your offer for awhile but eventually it will become every other week then once a month then once a quater...

    Hope this helps!

  • Next time you talk to her, let it "slip" that you and H have backed out of the new home and are moving to Canada/France/Australia. Then come back and tell us how she scrambled to copycat you.
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  • I know it may be annoying to go through this kind of thing but it may be best to let it go. Try to see the positive in the situation. For instance... you and SIL+BIL can babysit for each other when you have kids, or maybe they will dog/house sit for you while you are away for a weekend. It would be easier if they were close by. What do you anticipate being problematic about living in the same neighborhood as them?
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  • If my SIL did this I would walk away from the build.  I don't want to be her neighbor.
  • image KurtsWife09:
    If my SIL did this I would walk away from the build.  I don't want to be her neighbor.

     Ditto.  The further away from the In-Laws the better.

     

    Stella
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