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H forgot my birthday

We don't usually do much for birthdays around here, but we at least acknowledge it.  H is out to sea, I usually get a couple of emails a week from him when he is out.  On my birthday I got two and neither mentioned my birthday.  I've gotten one more since and it didn't mention it either.  I'm not gonna lie, I'm upset. 

I'm planning a trip to Vegas, it was supposed to be a surprise, but I forgot the Military requires you to provide addresses and phone numbers if you are going more than 300 miles away.  H doesn't know about it yet.  My friends think I should wait to mention that he forgot my birthday until we are shopping and use it to my advantage.  It's tempting! (I do need a new ring because mine scratches the baby when I change him!) 

When should I bring it up?    I hate trying to email when I am upset, but waiting for a phone call might be a week or so.  I feel like I am being petty because I know he has a lot going on, but at the same time, all I am asking for is a "Hey, happy birthday!"  He'll be home in the next few weeks, a few days before Vegas, should I wait til he gets home? 

Re: H forgot my birthday

  • It's pretty easy to lose track of the date when in strange situation. He probably knows when your bday is but didn't realize yesterday was th date. I often lose track of the date when Im not working at a computer all day. I find this especially true at the beginning or end of a given month. I wouldn't take offend and8 wouldn't f- with Jim about it. I'd probabbly just say something like "you're llucky I'm a good wife.". When he asks whyId say "bc most wives would have sent you a bucket of poop if you forgot their birthday". I'm rue being in thte millitaru is shelty enough without family hounding on him or guiding him mtoo bad.
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  • Oh, I don't think you should wait. Tell him asap it hurt he forgot your bday, and ask him how he plans to make it up to you.
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  • I think you should wait, until you are in Vegas and pass by the jewelry store you want to buy from, and say, Hey, let's go buy me a birthday present.

    That's all you have to say.  He'll figure it out.

    But I've noticed, in the future, start dropping hints a week or two before, like Should we go out and eat for my birthday next week?  or my mother is making a cake for my birthday next week.

    Some men just need to be reminded of some things.  that;s just how they are.  They are not offended.  My friend puts her birthday on the family calendar, really big, a month ahead.  In the blank space on the side, she keeps a running list of all the things she wants, her wish list.

    If you don't want to be disappointed, make yourself known. 

  • It's pretty easy to lose track of the date when in strange situation. He probably knows when your bday is but didn't realize yesterday was th date. I often lose track of the date when Im not working at a computer all day. I find this especially true at the beginning or end of a given month. I wouldn't take offend and8 wouldn't f- with Jim about it. I'd probabbly just say something like "you're llucky I'm a good wife.". When he asks whyId say "bc most wives would have sent you a bucket of poop if you forgot their birthday". I'm rue being in thte millitaru is shlty enough without family hounding on him or guiding him mtoo bad.
    my currently-reading shelf:
    Michelle's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (currently-reading shelf)
  • Isn't he on the ship that just had that crappy aviation incident too? Sorry if that's someone else, but I second PP who said it's easy to forget what a date means if you're in a weird situation, and doubly easy if you've just been shaken up.
    I've seen a lot of military surprise homecomings. It wouldn't work on me. I always have my back to the corner and my face to the door. Looking for terrorists, criminals, various other threats, and husbands.
  • Yes, he is on that ship.  I am extremely grateful that everything was handled as well as it was and injuries were minimal. I am also grateful for all he does for us and understand that his job comes first and we are a distant second right now.

    My birthday was on Tuesday, I got two emails then and one yesterday morning, the incident happened yesterday afternoon.  But, he knew that on Monday I was going to a friends house for a mini bday party and even asked how visiting with my friends was. 

     I don't really expect him to think about my birthday now because of the incident.  Like I said earlier, I feel petty for being upset about it at all.  I should just be thankful that he is alright and that his shipmates will all be okay.  I probably won't say anything to him. Thanks for reminding me that I need to put into perspective what he is dealing with right now. 

  • He's out to sea and it's hard to keep track of time. Id let it go. Id still mention it to him but would NEVER use it against him to go shopping. That just seems spiteful.
  • I think overall you're handling this well.  I think a lot of wives would be all kinds of pissy and would be spouting off a nasty email.  Considering what he has going on at this time, I'd drop it.  He'll remember eventually and feel bad.  You don't need to throw it in his face and then spend a whole bunch of money out of spite.  Your friends are wrong in telling you that, and you would be wrong for doing it.  I can get maybe buying a new shirt or something.  And when he brings it up say something like "Oh you gave me a new top for my birthday!  Thanks babe!"  But a new ring?  No.  Bad idea on all fronts.

  • I'd just send him an email like normal and include a roundup of my birthday day and be all nice and peppy about it.  He'll get the hint.

    It's a birthday, just one more to add to the list of many you have already celebrated and will celebrate.  No biggie. 

    IMO, your friends' idea is petty.  A person doesn't need to shell out extra cash for a birthday gift because they were human and forgot.

  • I think your friends gave sh!tty advice!

    I think it is fine to share with your H you are disappointed without being pissy, blaming, or uncompassionate about his own stressful experience. The concept of not sharing your honest feelings with your H is a little strange for me, even in the circumstances. You are feeling hurt - own it and be honest about it.

    Do NOT just hold onto the hurt, let it turn to resentment and then use it to manipulate a gift out of it. That is a horrible way to handle it!

  • I'd probably email him a link to something that I wanted and say "what do you think about this for my belated birthday present?"

    I won't lie, I've forgotten my Hs birthday.   H reminded me at 11 that night.  I felt terrrrrible.   I am awful about remembering a date, but not knowing when that date actually hits.  I've  missed hair appts, etc because of it.  If this is his first offense, definitely don't give him a hard time.  I'm sure he'll feel worse than you do about it.

  • I certainly wouldn't use it against him either. PP's suggestion of buying a new shirt or something in the lower price range isn't terrible and is certainly much better than "blackmailing" him into buying you a new ring.

    Maybe he has something lined up with a friend or family member (onshore) to send you something and it hasn't arrived yet. Or maybe he has a surprise for you when he comes back. 

    I'd email him something along the lines of, "Hey stinker!* I know you are really stressed right now, but take a look at a calendar and let me know if you have anything to say to me. I'm sure it will come to you quickly. Love you bunches!"

    *I call my husband stinker when I want to be mad at him, but really can't be. He knows he messed up, but not to the extent of being in the doghouse.

  • I think you should give the guy a break. He's out to sea and it sounds like he's going through a lot of stress. You could have reminded him a week before (Dh and I always do that) or dropped some hints. I would let him know that he forgot and that you're going to Vegas, but I wouldnt make a huge deal out of it. My h forgot one year too and it did hurt my feelings, but I he's been much better about it since then. Last year we both forgot our anniversary. :(

    image

  • If you say something, I'd wait until he gets home. Like you and other PPs have said, he's dealing with a lot right now...knowing he made you upset and he is X miles away and can't do anything other than type/say I'm sorry won't help him or you. He did ask how your mini birthday celebration went right? Maybe he didn't realize he hadn't said happy birthday, because he was asking about your birthday celebration...I know I've done things similar to that.

    Its got to be hard with your DH out to sea and you being back at home, I can't even imagine. Happy Birthday! Cake

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  • My husband forgot my birthday last year. He actually remembered the date but but somehow still thought we were in the previous month (yeah, he's special sometimes!).

    I knew he forgot and was bummed out it. He called later in the day, and I told him my boss and his boss had called and sung Happy Birthday to me over speakerphone. Of course, then he realized he'd forgotten and felt horrible and immediately wished me happy birthday etc. We went out for dinner that night, and I explained that I had kind of sad about him forgetting but decided to just tell him anyway. I know I felt better than if I'd held the knowledge inside and used it over him later. << I'm glad I made this decision. I felt at peace and was able to enjoy our dinner together.

    P.S. He also programmed the date into his phone with multiple reminders, so he shouldn't forget again this year!

  • image *wicket*:
    He's out to sea and it's hard to keep track of time. Id let it go. Id still mention it to him but would NEVER use it against him to go shopping. That just seems spiteful.

    I agree with this.  If your feelings are hurt, speak up, but I wouldn't plan a strategy around it.

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  • Don't play games!  Tell him that you understand he is super busy, but that you are feeling hurt because he forgot your birthday. 
  • MrsC7MrsC7 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    image sept508:

    I'd email him something along the lines of, "Hey stinker!* I know you are really stressed right now, but take a look at a calendar and let me know if you have anything to say to me. I'm sure it will come to you quickly. Love you bunches!"

    *I call my husband stinker when I want to be mad at him, but really can't be. He knows he messed up, but not to the extent of being in the doghouse.

    This sounds like me.

    image imageimage
  • image Sisugal:
    Don't play games!  Tell him that you understand he is super busy, but that you are feeling hurt because he forgot your birthday. 

    For once I agree with Sisugal. Maybe it's because we're not talking about car loans. I would never want a present out of guilt anyway.  Just tell him.  You'll both feel better.

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