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vent: life keeps throwing me curve balls

Blah. I've been on depo for almost 11 years now. My doctor has been eluding to the fact for the past 2 years that I should probably come off of it soon, given that I'm Asian.

H recently told me that he'll support me in whatever I decide/the doctor says, but (I gave him the side eye for this) he's a little fearful that if on the very off chance that we do want kids and my tubes are tied that he won't love our adopted kid as much. I asked him why and he said he has no basis for feeling like this, he's just scared that he won't love the kid as much because it's not his own blood. 

So then this got me second guessing my decision to get my tubes tied later this year. 

I just got a call from the doctor's office and she wants to talk to me about my bone scan today. I assume she's going to try and talk me off of depo today. 

FML. 

Re: vent: life keeps throwing me curve balls

  • are asians not supposed to be on depo?

    re: not loving adopted kids....my h had the same fear before...when we talked about adopting. but it's not true..i think people have that fear, but once they see a little baby, you realize, that's your baby, and you are the only one that will be taking care of it...the baby depends on you....you instantly become mom and dad. at least that's my opinion..........

    plus, you don't want kids.

    ♥ bfp2 02/15/2012 ♥ edd 10/23/2013 ♥
    ♥ bfp1 06/14/2011 ♥ edd 02/22/2012 ♥
    ♥ baby jennlin born on 02/15/2012 ♥

    image
    who says you can only wear your wedding dress once?

    honeymoon biomarried bioplanning bio
    jumped ship to the new and improved nest. back to TB for baby boards.
  • image jennlin:

    are asians not supposed to be on depo?

    re: not loving adopted kids....my h had the same fear before...when we talked about adopting. but it's not true..i think people have that fear, but once they see a little baby, you realize, that's your baby, and you are the only one that will be taking care of it...the baby depends on you....you instantly become mom and dad. at least that's my opinion..........

    plus, you don't want kids.

    Asians are more prone to osteoporosis and depo makes you more prone to osteoporosis. It's a double wammy to be asian and on depo. 

    I really don't want kids and I always felt like adoption was an option should I turn 37 and feel like I want to be a parent. I always said the only way that I'd want to be a parent is if someone who bequeathed their child to me died (BIL/SIL) or if in my soul I felt like I had something to offer another living being. Neither of those statements are true right now. 

  • image uwhuskygirl:
    Asians are more prone to osteoporosis and depo makes you more prone to osteoporosis. It's a double wammy to be asian and on depo. 

    I really don't want kids and I always felt like adoption was an option should I turn 37 and feel like I want to be a parent. I always said the only way that I'd want to be a parent is if someone who bequeathed their child to me died (BIL/SIL) or if in my soul I felt like I had something to offer another living being. Neither of those statements are true right now. 

    didn't know depo makes you prone to osteo-- are you loctose intolerant? asians are more prone to osteo bc so many of us are lactose....but i don't think you are, right? we were both one of the 10 asians in the world not lactose?- just eat lots and lots of milk/cheese, take calcium supplements and you should be fine..

    you'll need to work on convincing h that he'll love his adopted kids just as much...because otherwise he'll need to be the one carrying the child for 9 months. it's not something you want to do. ever.

    ♥ bfp2 02/15/2012 ♥ edd 10/23/2013 ♥
    ♥ bfp1 06/14/2011 ♥ edd 02/22/2012 ♥
    ♥ baby jennlin born on 02/15/2012 ♥

    image
    who says you can only wear your wedding dress once?

    honeymoon biomarried bioplanning bio
    jumped ship to the new and improved nest. back to TB for baby boards.
  • image jennlin:

    didn't know depo makes you prone to osteo-- are you loctose intolerant? asians are more prone to osteo bc so many of us are lactose....but i don't think you are, right? we were both one of the 10 asians in the world not lactose?- just eat lots and lots of milk/cheese, take calcium supplements and you should be fine..

    you'll need to work on convincing h that he'll love his adopted kids just as much...because otherwise he'll need to be the one carrying the child for 9 months. it's not something you want to do. ever.

    I'm becoming lactose intolerant!!! It wasn't till about 6 months ago that I started on this. I thought I was going to be scott free. Crying

    LOL. I told H that if he wants blood kids then he's going to have to find someone else or carry it himself. He said he still didn't want any. I feel like he's worrying unnecessarily and that if the time ever came that we wanted to adopt he'd be fine. 

    I'm just a smidgen worried about my bones.

  • image uwhuskygirl:

    Blah. I've been on depo for almost 11 years now. My doctor has been eluding to the fact for the past 2 years that I should probably come off of it soon, given that I'm Asian.

    H recently told me that he'll support me in whatever I decide/the doctor says, but (I gave him the side eye for this) he's a little fearful that if on the very off chance that we do want kids and my tubes are tied that he won't love our adopted kid as much. I asked him why and he said he has no basis for feeling like this, he's just scared that he won't love the kid as much because it's not his own blood. 

    So then this got me second guessing my decision to get my tubes tied later this year. 

    I just got a call from the doctor's office and she wants to talk to me about my bone scan today. I assume she's going to try and talk me off of depo today. 

    FML. 

    H and I are the opposite - he actually really wants to adopt regardless of whether we have kids 'naturally' and I'm afraid that I wouldn't love an adopted kid the same way.  In general, I have NO interest in having kids any time soon, so I can hardly imagine loving any kid right now (and I mean that in the "it would freak me out a lot if I was pregnant right now", not that I hate kids).  The whole idea of being a parent is just really foreign at this point so I can see that later down the road all these feelings might change.

    I don't have any advice, but I guess you should keep talking about it.  I know your mind has been set in not wanting kids at all, and I'm guessing it's been that way for a while... so it could just be a learned reaction that you haven't seriously evaluated lately (although I saw you gave reasons why you don't want them).  Maybe pretend you haven't made a decision and think about living for the next 50 years... what does that look like to you?  

  • image uwhuskygirl:
    I feel like he's worrying unnecessarily and that if the time ever came that we wanted to adopt he'd be fine. 

    I'm just a smidgen worried about my bones.

    agreed. he/you will be fine when it comes time to adopt. he is just unnecessarily worrying.

    i saw a list of cheeses recently that do not affect you if you are lactose intolerant. i think cheddar is one of them..... if you're worried about your bones, just eat lots of calcium..there are other forms. spinach, kale, nori, almonds, canned fish... i'm pretty sure oysters was high in calcium too (although not super-high)....check this list: http://www.ellenskitchen.com/faqs/calcium.html 

    ♥ bfp2 02/15/2012 ♥ edd 10/23/2013 ♥
    ♥ bfp1 06/14/2011 ♥ edd 02/22/2012 ♥
    ♥ baby jennlin born on 02/15/2012 ♥

    image
    who says you can only wear your wedding dress once?

    honeymoon biomarried bioplanning bio
    jumped ship to the new and improved nest. back to TB for baby boards.
  • There are other options besides depo or getting your tubes tied. Have you considered an IUD? I understand they are MUCH more effective and safe than the old ones. They have some of those treated with hormones and some without. That would leave you a little more option that the tubes tied just in case. Although, honestly, I hear nowadays they can often reverse the "tube tie" surgery.
    Daisypath Vacation tickers
  • image amandasw:
    Maybe pretend you haven't made a decision and think about living for the next 50 years... what does that look like to you?  

    If I didn't have kids I feel like it would be pretty awesome. Embarrassed

  • image uwhuskygirl:

    image amandasw:
    Maybe pretend you haven't made a decision and think about living for the next 50 years... what does that look like to you?  

    If I didn't have kids I feel like it would be pretty awesome. Embarrassed

    my parents were a big part of my grandparents lives as they got older....i.e. power of attorneys, cooking food, general caretaking, when they weren't able to take care of themselves.....i couldn't imagine my life w/o kids, because i think i would need somebody to dump all my problems onto and would be obligated to deal with me =P

    ♥ bfp2 02/15/2012 ♥ edd 10/23/2013 ♥
    ♥ bfp1 06/14/2011 ♥ edd 02/22/2012 ♥
    ♥ baby jennlin born on 02/15/2012 ♥

    image
    who says you can only wear your wedding dress once?

    honeymoon biomarried bioplanning bio
    jumped ship to the new and improved nest. back to TB for baby boards.
  • image KST_:
    There are other options besides depo or getting your tubes tied. Have you considered an IUD? I understand they are MUCH more effective and safe than the old ones. They have some of those treated with hormones and some without. That would leave you a little more option that the tubes tied just in case. Although, honestly, I hear nowadays they can often reverse the "tube tie" surgery.

    IUD is a good option....but they still give you periods. uwhusky is superhuman. no periods for 11 yrs.

    ♥ bfp2 02/15/2012 ♥ edd 10/23/2013 ♥
    ♥ bfp1 06/14/2011 ♥ edd 02/22/2012 ♥
    ♥ baby jennlin born on 02/15/2012 ♥

    image
    who says you can only wear your wedding dress once?

    honeymoon biomarried bioplanning bio
    jumped ship to the new and improved nest. back to TB for baby boards.
  • image jennlin:
    ...

    i saw a list of cheeses recently that do not affect you if you are lactose intolerant. i think cheddar is one of them.....
    ... 

    I've hear this, but for me, cheddar is one of the worst.  Almost as bad as plain milk.  Goat and sheep milk cheese is a-ok for me.  I can have a tiny bit of cream cheese (but that doesn't do much for calcium intake).
    EDD 9/24/13 BabyFetus Ticker
    Best sound ever: baby's heartbeat! (Heard @ 10w1d)
  • image jennlin:

    image KST_:
    There are other options besides depo or getting your tubes tied. Have you considered an IUD? I understand they are MUCH more effective and safe than the old ones. They have some of those treated with hormones and some without. That would leave you a little more option that the tubes tied just in case. Although, honestly, I hear nowadays they can often reverse the "tube tie" surgery.

    IUD is a good option....but they still give you periods. uwhusky is superhuman. no periods for 11 yrs.

    She will get her period if she has her tubes tied, too. 

  • image darby0422:
    She will get her period if she has her tubes tied, too. 

    i know nothing about getting tubes tied. my bad......my mother had a hysterectomy, and that stopped her period (obv). i figured if no eggies make it to her uterus, it wouldn't be triggered to ever re-build up baby-cushions. but again..i know nothing about tube tying.

    sorry husky, guess you wont' be super human anymore.

    ♥ bfp2 02/15/2012 ♥ edd 10/23/2013 ♥
    ♥ bfp1 06/14/2011 ♥ edd 02/22/2012 ♥
    ♥ baby jennlin born on 02/15/2012 ♥

    image
    who says you can only wear your wedding dress once?

    honeymoon biomarried bioplanning bio
    jumped ship to the new and improved nest. back to TB for baby boards.
  • image darby0422:
    image jennlin:

    image KST_:
    There are other options besides depo or getting your tubes tied. Have you considered an IUD? I understand they are MUCH more effective and safe than the old ones. They have some of those treated with hormones and some without. That would leave you a little more option that the tubes tied just in case. Although, honestly, I hear nowadays they can often reverse the "tube tie" surgery.

    IUD is a good option....but they still give you periods. uwhusky is superhuman. no periods for 11 yrs.

    She will get her period if she has her tubes tied, too. 

    I was going to do a combo tie tubes and freeze uterus, so no bebehs and still super human!

    I've tried the IUD, but my (TIM alert) uterus is 2mm too small! 

    Good news, I went to the doctor this afternoon, she says she'll let me stay on depo for another year at least. My bone loss is within normal limits. I just have to stay on my crazy vitamin regimen and I should be fine for another 12 months at least  And the smaller IUD (while approved in Europe) won't be approved by the FDA till 2014 here. 

    She told me either go to Belgium to get the smaller one inserted if I can't wait or we'll play it year by year till 2014. 

    /story of my uterus 

  • UW - I will go to Belgium for beer an a smaller IUD if you like? See if we can get a 2 for 1 deal?
    image
  • Oh and P.S. I am going to make the statement that having a uterus blows... I would much rather have the other... Much less responsibility!
    image
  • On the depo thing - it does cause bone loss (especially in long-term use), and with Asian women, bone loss tends to be more widespread, just because they tend to be more petite.

    As for being adopted - I say adopted kids are loved just as much as "blood" children. I'm adopted, and my family doesn't treat me any differently than the kids who are related by blood. My mom wanted a girl so badly, that when I came into the family, it was just as much of a celebration and huge thing as if my mom had gotten pregnant and had me naturally. Adoption is such a long and arduous process now that you have to really, really want a child to put yourself through it.

    GL!

    greenbaby
    BFP 1/22/12 | Ectopic pregnancy found 2/14/12 | Methotrexate to complete m/c 2/15/12 imageimageimage Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Anniversary
  • image jennlin:

    image darby0422:
    She will get her period if she has her tubes tied, too. 

    i know nothing about getting tubes tied. my bad......my mother had a hysterectomy, and that stopped her period (obv). i figured if no eggies make it to her uterus, it wouldn't be triggered to ever re-build up baby-cushions. but again..i know nothing about tube tying.

    sorry husky, guess you wont' be super human anymore.

    I'm super glad she won't be losing her super human status!

  • I've been on depo for 4 years now, yeah I'm the other depo girl on here, and my doc doesn't seem too worried about my bones. But she also makes sure I take calcium pills. The only flack I get about depo is from people who don't know much about it, I get the 'it's not natural!' or the 'what if you can't have kids afterwards!' speeches. I never knew asians had the double whammy effect. Lame! Are you taking calcium pills? Costco sells huge bottles of them and I take 2 a day. I've also had a bone scan, my doc is on top of it.

    On the other note, sorry your H suddenly gave you the run around! I thought he was totally on board with no kids. Life definitely can throw you curve balls, that's for sure. Belguim could be an experience,but I thought IUD's only lasted like 3 years? And yeah, unfortunately you would get aunt Flo back. Double lame sauce. That's my fav part of depo. Well I really hope everything gets worked out and maybe you and your doc can come up with something that works for everyone. And as for your H, I really don't know what to say about him being scared for adoption. I can understand it, but everyone is diff. Good luck!

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