Family Matters
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Family Vent

Six months ago MH and I got into a huge blow-up with MS and BIL. My dad and step-mom took their side, my sister is a Daddy's girl and has never been able to stand on her own financially so my Dad feels the need to protect her at any cost.

MS and I have not interacted with eachother since this all happened except for our Grams funeral where she proceeded to make a scene becuase I was there. I barely talk to my dad becasue I feel he should have stayed neutral.

MB is my only sibling I talk to, but I've always been closest with him. Recently my step-brothers wife has jumped on the lets hate T&J wagon because her and MS are so buddy buddy and I have been receiving nothing but rude text msg's from her.    b!tching about anything and everything. How I haven't mailed my nephews bday gift to him yet (they live in another province, and his bday was last week).

How my step-brothers in town and I should make an effort to see him, I just found out he's visiting. Saying how I shouldn't have picked MH side that I need to realize family comes first. Ummm pretty sure MH is my family.

I'm two months pregnant and I feel on edge all the time. MH is a ticking time bomb with all of them and is ready to freak.

I feel like I'm turned into a human target for all of them, and I just can't take it. I barely sleep cause I'm so stressed out. I just don't know what to doCrying

[IMG]http://i53.tinypic.com/edkpk.jpg[/IMG] [IMG]http://i51.tinypic.com/25kmyo6.jpg[/IMG]

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BFP02/16/11 EDD10/31/11
Nicholas Miles McQuaig born 01/11/11 8lbs 12oz

Re: Family Vent

  • Like you said, your husband is your family now.  Eff the haters.  Don't put yourself through all that drama.  Stay away from them, and they'll get over themselves in time (hopefully).  Congrats on the pregnancy, btw!  Celebrate and enjoy that!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • What in the world are all these grown adults fighting over?!
    image
  • Can you block her?  I would.  As much as I think of responses to write back to try and tell her to back off, it only adds fuel to the fire. 

    But I also kind of wonder what this is all about, especially as it seems to be more about your DH than you necessarily. 

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • and this all started because of?
  • Ditto PPs, what's going on here? There seems to be a lot of drama and not a whole lot of information regarding what started all of this.

    My first reaction reading your post though is that if these people are that petty and believe what everyone else says about you and your DH, than they are not worth your time anyways.

  • Family members who take sides in a family argument suck azz.  I would stop bothering to make nice with your SB and your sister until they learn to quit acting like 5 year old morons.  It doesn't even sound like pleading your case to your dad is working - this is NOT worth stressing yourself out in your condition. I would just steer clear of them for awhile.  It sucks, but look at what the alternative is doing to you.

    And SB telling you that "family comes first, don't take your DH side in the argument?"  Really?  How much you want to bet if you hashed it out wtih your SSIL your SB would take her side?  The hypocrite.

    [IMG]http://i42.tinypic.com/x200p0.jpg[/IMG]
  • Why in the world are you accepting her text messages?
  • What is the back story here?
  • What started the fight was MH got angry at my step-mom for not informing us my dad was in the hospital with a blood infection. He made a comment to my sister that our step mom was a b!tch for not calling us, my sister runs to the parents and says "T called you a f**king b!tch" which wasn't the truth (yes shitty choice of words for MH to use). So we confronted my sister as to why she would have said anything about the b!tch comment. The whole thing got out of control and we ended up in a huge fight.

    MH has tried to apologize to my step mom but she refuses to talk to him, and my sister has gone around the very small town we live in trashing us to anyone who would listen and has even gone as far as to make up lies to people.

    I have tried talking to her to try and work things out but she has serious anger issues and I'm honestly scared of her. She's punched in the face in the past and I don't feel I should have to deal with stuff like this when I'm 27yrs and shes 31.

    The situation has become a disease that is effecting everyone, but it seems as though as time goes on and MH and I move forward they all are stuck at 6months ago and can't move on and they keep draging more and more people into this fight.

    I've hit a wall and I don't know what to do or how to deal with my own family

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    BFP02/16/11 EDD10/31/11
    Nicholas Miles McQuaig born 01/11/11 8lbs 12oz
  • image livingitup:
    Why in the world are you accepting her text messages?

    Everything was fine with my SSIL and I up until this past week, she had never acted like this towards me.

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    BFP02/16/11 EDD10/31/11
    Nicholas Miles McQuaig born 01/11/11 8lbs 12oz
  • Why the apologizing?  Your stepmom was kind of being a b*tch for not telling you that your dad was hospitalized for a serious infection, right?

    image
  • MH apologized, becasue he felt it was a crappy choice of words and knew my step mom was offended.

    I think she was being a b!tch, but she feel MS MB and I are on a need to know basis with my Dad and his health.

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    BFP02/16/11 EDD10/31/11
    Nicholas Miles McQuaig born 01/11/11 8lbs 12oz
  • But the two of you DO think she's a b*tch.  Don't apologize for it.  And don't apologize for thinking the same of your sister.  In fact, if I were you, I'd stop apologizing to any of these people at all.  They all sound like a bunch of braying asses.
    image
  • Oh I've stoped and told my husband we've tried to fix this and I'm done.

    Balls in their court now. I refuse to be a punching bag for my crazy family.

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    BFP02/16/11 EDD10/31/11
    Nicholas Miles McQuaig born 01/11/11 8lbs 12oz
  • okay now that I hear the whole story I think that it might be time to just forget about them. Really why are you putting up with this nonesense.  I"d probably just stop seeing them or if you want I'd tell them that You guys have done as much as you can (more than you should really), you've apologized for words used and now it's up to them to either forgive you or for them to choose not to be in your life any more.

    You don't have to allow your family to bring you down. Your husband comes first, let them see that.

  • What do you say, though, when they lay into you?  Do you get apologetic and try to smooth things over, or do you tell them to lay off?  I'll bet that if they confronted you and you habitually told them that you stand by your opinion, they'd stop trying to pressure you.

    Remember, family dynamic changes don't have to mean cutting people out of your life.

    image
  • I don't apologize, I've told then that we've tried and that if they refuse to try and work this out then we're not going to participate in their childish games anymore.

    I don't call them or contact them anymore because all it was doing was upsetting me.

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    BFP02/16/11 EDD10/31/11
    Nicholas Miles McQuaig born 01/11/11 8lbs 12oz
  • Wow.

    Sounds like a party and you're the donkey ... and everyone else has a pin and a tail and a blind fold.

  • I'm rolling my eyes over here. This whole thing is just so ridiculous.

    Sure, your H shouldn't have called her a b*tch. But what exactly was your sister hoping to gain by repeating it? Your H apologized and you've both explained the situation and tried to make things right. So...really, what else do they expect you guys to do? To push this further and further and harass the two of you about it is just wrong. 

    They are being childish and hypocritical. To treat you guys like this and in the same breath lecture you about the importance of family? Hookay, then...

    IMO, you've done everything you can. Don't respond to their texts or to any communication from them until they're ready to grow up and move on. You don't need the stress. 

  • We had a family war with ILs this past year. It stems from a multitude of things and was very ugly for a long time (even after family meeting/hash out). Now things are akward at best but we try to get along for the kids and for MIL/FIL (who are part of the problem).

    Telling you that I just want to say at this point you've done what you can. You've all said things you shouldn't have, you've apologized and tried to move on, they have not. So you just need to step back and wait.

    Send the girft and try to send it on time next time. It's not your nephew's fault his mom is rude to follow up yelling at you for not sending it but gifts should be sent in a timely matter.

    Accept that things have changed and won't be the same as they were before. Focus on your family and invite your relatives to be a part of that as they choose.

  • image Printergirl:

    We had a family war with ILs this past year. It stems from a multitude of things and was very ugly for a long time (even after family meeting/hash out). Now things are akward at best but we try to get along for the kids and for MIL/FIL (who are part of the problem).

    Telling you that I just want to say at this point you've done what you can. You've all said things you shouldn't have, you've apologized and tried to move on, they have not. So you just need to step back and wait.

    Send the girft and try to send it on time next time. It's not your nephew's fault his mom is rude to follow up yelling at you for not sending it but gifts should be sent in a timely matter.

    Accept that things have changed and won't be the same as they were before. Focus on your family and invite your relatives to be a part of that as they choose.

    I have to say I have a bit of a problem with this part of your post, I don't think ANYONE has the right to freak at someone becasue a gift, which should never just be expected wasn't received in the mail when they thought it should be.

    I've had other things going on in my life and frogetting to mail a birthday gift hasn't been at the top of my list. I think it's so rude for someone to snap and constantly ask where a gift is. To be honest I don't think anyone should feel obligated to buy gifts for other people ever, and to make someone feel guilty becasue they have yet to mail one out is comlete bullsh*t.

    I would be asshamed and disgusted with myself if I ever acted that way if someone hadn't given my child a gift, let alone if the gift was just waiting to be mailed and the person had forgotten.

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    BFP02/16/11 EDD10/31/11
    Nicholas Miles McQuaig born 01/11/11 8lbs 12oz
  • I feel like there are things missing in the event.  I can't actually blame your Dad taking your sister's side.  And I don't understand why your H is the one angry and opened his mouth about it.  Why not you?  Were you angry that your step-mom didn't tell you about your dad? 
  • image TNpuffs:
    I feel like there are things missing in the event.  I can't actually blame your Dad taking your sister's side.  And I don't understand why your H is the one angry and opened his mouth about it.  Why not you?  Were you angry that your step-mom didn't tell you about your dad? 

    I can honestly say there is nothing missing, I was upset about my SM not calling and MH made the comment to MS after listening to MS *** about our step-mom and the situation. I've spoken my peace to both MD and SM days prior to this blowup about how I was pissed off that she chose not to call us.

    I do blame my dad for chosing sides. I feel as though parents should stay neutral for the most part. MS intentionally started a fight and has continued to harass me for the past 6months. She has trashed MH and I all over town for fun. In my opinion my dad needs to man up and tell MS to grow up and knock it off and stop supporting her every action.

    [IMG]http://i53.tinypic.com/edkpk.jpg[/IMG] [IMG]http://i51.tinypic.com/25kmyo6.jpg[/IMG]

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    BFP02/16/11 EDD10/31/11
    Nicholas Miles McQuaig born 01/11/11 8lbs 12oz
  • Honestly  at this point  there is nothing more you can do . You can't expect rational behavior out of irrational people. You need to stop stressing and take care of your self and the baby. Also if  the people in your town are so 'one sided ' to  not get your side of the story then they don't matter anyways . Also if your sister is 'like this' and everyone knows ( assuming because its a small town) then you don't have much to worry about because everyone 'knows what she is up to'.
    Anniversary
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