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How do I get them off my back?? (Long... sorry)

Hi all,  I have to admit that I'm a lurking, not a poster,  but this issue really has me fired up.  Some background tidbits: DH and I have been married nearly 2 years, been together for 6.  He has a full time job, I'm working on my master's and working part time.  After I'm finished with my degree, he's going to start a master's program, but his job will pay for 100% of it and he will do it essentially one classes at time while working full time.  We are also currently TTC #1, but no one knows this except for a few close friends. 

Now for the issue... my ILs keep telling me about all these job lists and job fairs that they see in the papers.  Literally, it's an on-going thing.  There's really not a lot that I can do with my bachelor's, and I'm almost done with my master's so it seems pointless to start one job, and then go to something else when my master's is completed.  In addition, DH and I are planning on me staying home with our baby (this is of course assuming we get pregnant soon), at least for a little while.  His mother was a SAHM and my mother always worked away from home.  We both feel that we want me to be home with our children while they are small.  We have planned for this financially (literally, we've had a joint savings account since before we were even engaged) and can actually accomplish it pretty easily because of this planning. 

Why are they soooo concerned with me having some other job?? I really like my part time job.  It's very flexible, low stress, and gives me the time that I need to focus on school.  DH and I are not wealthy by any means, but we are very financially stable.  We have never been on public assistance, never moved back in with our parents after moving out, nor have we EVER asked to borrow money from anyone.  We even paid for just about everything for our wedding.  We have two decent vehicles that are paid off, student loans that are under control, ZERO credit card debt, and a townhouse that we are renting.  How do I get them to back off about the job thing???  We're happy and making it work, so why isn't this enough for them?  And when I do call about some of the jobs and find out that I'm either not qualified or it's something that I truly do not feel comfortable doing (for example- one job was to be a social worker that basically was in charge of investigating child abuse claims, and emotionally I do not think I could handle it) they act as if I'm damaging our future.  Most of the time the jobs they suggest are ones that I do not have the education or experience for, or are soooo far away from where we're living that we would essentially have to relocate.  DH loves his job, so there's no way I'm pulling him away from that. 

I just don't get it Sad  

Re: How do I get them off my back?? (Long... sorry)

  • While your planning seems odd, IMO, why do you look into any of the jobs they send?  Just say, thanks, but I'm going to work at my current position until after I complete my Masters degree so they don't need to spend time sending you things.
  • I would ask them why they thought of such and such a job for you.

    From your post, I am thinking maybe your ILs think very highly of your abilities and intelligence, and think you are "too smart" to be at whatever PT job you are in - so naturally you must be unhappy and they are trying to help. 

    If you want them to back off, then I'd simply tell them "MIL and FIL, I am not looking for a new job until I graduate."  If they keep sending you leads, delete them.  If they ask you about the jobs they sent, reiterate "I'm not interested in a job change until after I graduate."

    Your future isn't their concern.


  • Have you thought about talking to them about it? Have you asked them why they keep sending you jobs and told them that you are not looking and when you do you'd really rather find them yourself?" or let them know that if they're concerned about your financial situation that they don't need to worry and that you would rather they stop sending you job listings?

    I'm just wondering if something as simple as this would help.

    When they normally give you these postings what do you say? Maybe they're concerned that about what happens when you have kids and want you to get money while on maternity leave..not knowing that you want to be a SAHM for a while anyhow?

  • If you aren't looking for another job right now, just say, "Thanks for your concern, but I'm not looking for another job." That's all they need to know, and all you need to say.  If you follow up on these jobs or tell them why this or that one won't work, it could give the impression that you are looking for a job or that you appreciate their help enough to follow up on it- and you don't.  It's not needed and what you and your husband are doing works for you.  

    If they should ask why you aren't looking for another job or why you aren't pursuing this or that opportunity, just say, "What we're doing now works for us."

  • I agree that you should just keep telling them that you are not looking for a job until you graduate.

    That being said, I am seriously questioning your life plan here. You are going to seriously do yourself a disservice by not getting any work experience after finishing your masters degree. It's hard enough for women to RETURN to the workplace after being a SAHM. I would think long and hard about your plan. I think you would be much better off working for at least a year or two after graduation so you have some experience to fall back on when you try to re-enter the workforce.

  • It's your plan and it's your life.  They are probably sending you job descriptions because most people about to graduate are looking for a job, networking, and trying to make contacts.  Am I missing part of the story here?  You're getting your masters to be a SAHM? 
  • I'm just wondering if for some reason they think you are unhappy at your job. I made the mistake of complaining to my fiance`'s parents about a stressful time at work, and they assume that I am ALWAYS miserable there. That's not the case, actually. But they make frequent comments to me about looking for other jobs (or in my case, quitting my job to become a full time artist - which is MUCH harder to DO than SAY).  I have to just remind them that I am happy where I'm at for now.

    Maybe you just need to reiterate that you feel like you guys have a solid plan, and right now you don't feel the need to look for another job. But thank them for thinking of you when they see these job postings. Honestly, I think in laws just want their kids to be happy (and their kids' spouses), so make it clear to them that you are happy with things as they are. You guys are doing great financially and very stable, so there's no cause for them to worry.





  • I think they believe that their concern over your career is helping you. Not knowing/understanding the plan you and your husband have already laid out is probably why they are insistent in "looking out" for you. In a nutshell, they are trying to support you and your education the best way they know how which is by getting your foot in the door.

    No need to have a deep, long conversation about why it irritates you. Maybe simply tell them that you and the hubby have financial, educational, and family plans already in the works and while you appreciate the concern you have a handle on things concerning your career path. 


  • I think we have the same in- laws. no joke. H and I have been married for over a year now and I'm about to finish my AA, I'm a full time student and also have a part time job and for the past year I hear nothing about oh you still work there?? ( I don't work that often but its still a job you know) we are financially sound for now and even H has said while I'm working on school he isn't worried about me getting a job but his parents hound m constantly "did you try this place, oh this place is hiring, did you hear back from these people" etc, etc. It's really stressful and makes me not want to talk to his parents. And on top of that H is about to leave for Basic and we will be moving come the end of fall so I really don't see the point in me finding a new job for 7 months. 

    I would just recommend mentioning what your and H's plans are and they should back off a bit 

    ?I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter.? ~Walt Disney
  • Dont put too much into it.  They think that your more intelligent then position that your currently in.  They are proud of you.  They are only looking out for the financial future of you and your spouse. 

    Before the baby, I would consider purchasing a starter home.  You get better tax benefits.  The money that you have saved could be put towards the down payment. It is best to do it now while you still have two incomes.  The money that you toss away each month towards rent.  Could be your house payment.  Then when you do your taxes you get a great return on your taxes.  Something to consider looking into.

    As far as your IL are concerned.  You need to set boundries with them.  Be nice, yet firm.  Thank you for these job leads At this time DH and I discussed it, we felt it is best I stay with my current position.  If I need your help in the future, I will ask You for it.

    BTW your right about the social worker jobs...I was transporting those kids.  I had this little guy that was 19 months old. His mama was junkie.  He was so excited to go see her.  All he said was Mama mama in the car all the way there. When I got him to his supervised visit.  I couldn't even take him out of the car.  His mom didn't show.  I was just heart broken.  I took him to get a ice cream.  Then I had to return him to his babysitter.  Poor baby!

  • I'm not trying to be mean, but, if you SAH for a few years before getting a job you are going to seriously hurt the relevancy and credentials in that MS you are working so hard for. Your ILs are probably just clueless and trying to be helpful. Just like my mom always giving me random knicknacks she thinks will change my life. You just smile and say thanks and chuckle after they leave.
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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