CON FESS I ON
From: Chad_n_Jared Chad_n_Jared is not online. Last active: 8/25/2007 8:44:56 PM
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Date: 8/25/2007 at 8:40 PM
I avoid everyone. Can't talk to peopl ein sotres or on the phone or at the doctors office. I onloy can talk to Jared and my DAddy and my sister and my brothers and a couple fiends. I stutter and Im' phobic. I talk to my therapist but you know wihat I talk about? FUCIKING KNOT> Yep. totally truew. TAlk about how the NEY thinks I'm a girl (they're so fdumb about that but funny too) and how I NEED to help people cause I feel anbandoned by humanity. Rob is my therapist he's nice and I can talk to him but nobody else. You know that voice mail thing they're doing? I like that and I want to but I"m scared because i STutter and they'll laugh. Always laugh or finish my sentences and I'm scared people laughh but they don't here. NEY does but they're just scared because we ALL see in others what we're scared of in ourselves. Like tacky. I'm scared that a LOT OF my family are hicks and I"m scared opf being tackyt like them so I come ehere and say "DON"T be tacKY" like moM taught me. She died. Did you know? She died almost 4 yrears ago.. NOT perfect bu tso smart. I miss her. I cry for her and I hoep she's not ashamed of me helping people learn what she taught me. So pretty with blond hair and blue eyes like Mark. He's my oldest brother. He's smart and good looking. I want to be him but I can't. I'm sick with diabetes and all knds of stuff but Mom NEVBER made me feel bad about it. Such a good Mom and Dad was such a good daD and I want to be just like him. I'm afraid he'd die too except Mom died of an aneurism but the canc3er would have died her anyway. So smart. I'm afraid peopel will laugh when I stutter but I don't stutter here. Fallin is so smart an I wish I could help her understand that I'm not a lair. She looks like my Mom. Saw her pic and he slooks like Mama but she thinks I'm a fake. Hurts so fbad so I try harder to be good and give good advice likie she taught me but Fallin will die anyway and she'll think I was a failure. I wish she would come back for a while and help me with the baby and Matt because I'm so lost. I read nbooks but I still think I"m not good at being a DAd to them. I worry all the time and I don't sleep like tonight. Jared willc ome home and be mad at his parents for being such b8itches and then I won't sleep and I'll be stupid tomorrow and fallin will stil hate me just like mama will hate me if she was alive. So nice WW so funny and never tell sme I'm stupid. Thank you even when I don't know the words to make the not tacky advice sound better. Thank you. I'm tired now and Jared won't bve home for a long time because he'll have a party time with his parents like the rest of the rich people and I"ll just be a plain man who's not good enough for him or his parents or his money or anything. Good night WW. God's blessings upon you this night and the morrow.