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Inside jokes revealed

There are a lot of inside jokes that are not likely to give newbs any insight at all, so I will explain them all to you.  I have a terrible memory, so if I don't remember actual facts, I will rewrite history, and from now on, whatever I say will heretoforth be the way it happened.  Even if I misused heretoforth, but I don't think I did.

So if you're reading these and have questions about any of the statements, tell me which one, and I will elaborate. 

 

 

image
3 out of 4 dead babies agree! pepsi is better than coke! - EdithBouvierBeale
Lordy. Grow some balls and stop lurking. It's like stealing from the internet. Jesuschrist. -- AudreyHorne
I hate love and marriage. I got married so I could destroy these things from the inside. - NoisyPenguin
It's a good thing my circle of trust is as giant as my vagina. That only leaves a couple people out. - Cali
«1

Re: Inside jokes revealed

  • I need this. I feel like I don't understand eleventy eighty percent of the inside jokes anymore.

     

    image Guess who?
  • I would like to hear the tale of chopgate. And also what is Calis phone phobia - because I have a phone phobia as well, and I want to know if we're weird in the same way. Does that fulfill my creepy lurker duties?
    image
    Baby Boxer is coming! 5.23.12
    www.focushunting.com
  • What the fludge is Elfstergate?  I've deduced that people got personal info off of it and used it for evil?  Is that close?

    I also don't understand any Chop references but that may be from before I was a wee lurker.

    [IMG]http://i42.tinypic.com/ao51eb.jpg[/IMG]
  • You know what I want to hear? One of those old stories you wrote about BGB. Remember those?
  • I'm just askeered of calling people on the phone (for no good reason) and try to avoid it at all costs.  So much so that one of my H's wedding vows was that he would make all phone calls for me.  Occasionally I can suck it up, but it takes a bit.  This is a big reason why it's been 5 months since my last hair appointment.  I've been trying to build the courage to call my hairdresser for the past couple weeks.
    image
    "That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
  • Um, what's this business about you being married to a man?
    image Ready to rumble.
  • image CaliopeSpidrman:
    I'm just askeered of calling people on the phone (for no good reason) and try to avoid it at all costs.  So much so that one of my H's wedding vows was that he would make all phone calls for me.  Occasionally I can suck it up, but it takes a bit.  This is a big reason why it's been 5 months since my last hair appointment.  I've been trying to build the courage to call my hairdresser for the past couple weeks.

    It's been almost a year since my last haircut, for this. exact. reason. It's a big problem. My H is not nearly as tolerant of my phobia as yours is though.  He tries to make up reasons for me to call people, thinking that if I use the phone enough, I'll overcome my fear.  

    On the upside, my friend told me (in person) that next time she makes a hair appt. she'll make one for me as well, and we can go together.  I'm hoping it's soon.

    image
    Baby Boxer is coming! 5.23.12
    www.focushunting.com
  • image CaliopeSpidrman:
    I'm just askeered of calling people on the phone (for no good reason) and try to avoid it at all costs.  So much so that one of my H's wedding vows was that he would make all phone calls for me.  Occasionally I can suck it up, but it takes a bit.  This is a big reason why it's been 5 months since my last hair appointment.  I've been trying to build the courage to call my hairdresser for the past couple weeks.

    Cali and i are soulsisters. The phone is a terrible invention. They should have skipped right to text messaging.

    image

    Husbands should be like Kleenex: Soft, strong, and disposable.
  • image boxerfan:
    I would like to hear the tale of chopgate. And also what is Calis phone phobia - because I have a phone phobia as well, and I want to know if we're weird in the same way. Does that fulfill my creepy lurker duties?

    chopgate explanation in this thread: http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/45540576/ShowThread.aspx

    and so I can search and find it easier in the future: ..chop.. bio chopgate Hezz chop's mom's blog star gbck password is not password

    image
    "As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
  • image _Fenton:

    image boxerfan:
    I would like to hear the tale of chopgate. And also what is Calis phone phobia - because I have a phone phobia as well, and I want to know if we're weird in the same way. Does that fulfill my creepy lurker duties?

    chopgate explanation in this thread: http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/45540576/ShowThread.aspx

    and so I can search and find it easier in the future: ..chop.. bio chopgate Hezz chop's mom's blog star gbck password is not password

    Fenton is an SEO guru.

    image

    Husbands should be like Kleenex: Soft, strong, and disposable.
  • image MrsKizdoodle:

    What the fludge is Elfstergate?  I've deduced that people got personal info off of it and used it for evil?  Is that close?

    I also don't understand any Chop references but that may be from before I was a wee lurker.

    Elfstergate:

    A side board of AFB members, known tongue-in-cheek and later infamously as the "Elite Hoars" broke into the NEY secret santa exchange, via the login of a poster named Ready. She used her kid's name as her password, so I think Exp got in on the first try. We asked some questions under Ready's username; some funny, some mean, some nonsensical. The point being to make everyone wonder who in the exchange had asked them (the questions were anonymous, but you had to be in the group to post them).  Drama and finger pointing ensued. Then chop contacted Elfster and some little brown noser with too much time on her hands gave out the IP of the people who posted the questions and even suggested contacting the FBI or something ridiculous, as if this person was going to get laid if the mystery was solved. Anyway, the Elites were outed! Anger ensued! People were called douches! Infighting on the secret board broke out! Some people GBCKed forever, some for awhile, and IRL friendships were ended. Many of those on AFB who were not involved in the secret board were offended and/or GBCAFBed and/or went off to create their own secret board (known as the hair salon).  Chop sat back and laughed at the broken friendships on AFB, caused by her brilliant investigation. Of course anyone who cared about internet people was a huge loser and needed to get a life, you see!  What a bunch of crybabies!

    The fallout of this day led to the revenge scheme known as chopgate.

    These were the DAYS, man. Days when you got zero done at work because you couldn't tear yourself away from the drama. I'm much more productive now, which is probably a good thing.

    image
    "As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
  • Don't forget pebbles being handed out all willy nilly.
    image
  • Man, I hated chop. from day 1, I thought she sucked. I wanted to punch people in the face when they talked about what "super cool mom" she was and how "awesome" liz was.

     One day, a year or so after her wedding, she posted a pic of herself and I thought, "man, you got FAT". I wanted to mention it, but I didn't want any other chubbies to get their feelings hurt. 

  • image _Fenton:

    The fallout of this day led to the revenge scheme known as chopgate.

    These were the DAYS, man. Days when you got zero done at work because you couldn't tear yourself away from the drama. I'm much more productive now, which is probably a good thing.

    Thanks for the recap Fenton.  Jeebus. That is much more involved than I thought!  I'm sad I missed that.  *tear*

    [IMG]http://i42.tinypic.com/ao51eb.jpg[/IMG]
  • i would love to hear groomz's version of toot/cherished and chloe
  • image mulva33:

    Man, I hated chop. from day 1, I thought she sucked. I wanted to punch people in the face when they talked about what "super cool mom" she was and how "awesome" liz was.

     One day, a year or so after her wedding, she posted a pic of herself and I thought, "man, you got FAT". I wanted to mention it, but I didn't want any other chubbies to get their feelings hurt. 

    this probably makes up for a third of why you think i'm awesome.   Shared dislike for chop is a powerful thing.   God, she was such a fecking douche.

    image
  • image CaptainSerious:
    i would love to hear groomz's version of toot/cherished and chloe

    I actually wasn't around for the first and possibly second iteration of toot/cherished.  I think she was an NEY supervillain before the great merge.  I'll give you what I imagine to have happened based on tidbits of posts that I didnt' pay much attention to.

    Back in the olden days, when AFBers were mean, and NEYers were way meaner, and P&E was ruled by Chad, son of Fallin, Father of Wintour, and inventor of the Knot, Toot was planning her wedding, only she was in a relationship with a guy who liked to put things into his bumbershoot.  I know what you're thinking 'the coolest guys I know like things in their bumbershoots.  You're right about that.

    So one day, toot came around and was all "my bf likes wang" and Mulva was all "maybe you turned him off from women because you look like a caveman" and Buddha was all "perhaps it was due to your unfortunate choice in eye makeup" Chop was all "shut the fuque up or I'll crap on your porch" and Fallin was all "bless your heart", and that's the one that stung the most.

    So Toot stopped actively posting and dropped to lurker status, hoping to gather enough information to take down the board.  Some say she began a relationship with Knot Monkeytard, who did, in fact, take down the board as well as the rest of the knot.  Then I think she turned him gay too.  The rest of us, now united in the wake of Elfstergate/Choppagate/Pebblegate migrated to Entertainment where we were shunned and cast off to the Caribbean.  Toot eventually found us and still sucks.

    the end.

    image
    3 out of 4 dead babies agree! pepsi is better than coke! - EdithBouvierBeale
    Lordy. Grow some balls and stop lurking. It's like stealing from the internet. Jesuschrist. -- AudreyHorne
    I hate love and marriage. I got married so I could destroy these things from the inside. - NoisyPenguin
    It's a good thing my circle of trust is as giant as my vagina. That only leaves a couple people out. - Cali
  • The Chloe thing happened shortly after I joined the knot.  When I first came on the scene, I went to P&E, which was populated by Chad, Ramey, Chloe, Weeza, possibly OOT, Fredalina, and others who I do not remember. 

    Chloe was the 'bad girl' of P&E.  She was living with two men who she slept with regularly and was raising her kid with them.  She also hooked up with women on occasion and was for the most part, a slore.  She invited me to join my very first thuper thecret thide board, the Purple Cow, which was gayer than the gay mayor of gayville, Kirk Cameron.  She also worked in the adult industry, only I also work in the adult industry, and she had never heard of anything.

    Then out of nowhere, an NEYer got access to her MySpace page (does anybody still use myspace?) and discovered that she was a troll.  Sadly, she was a troll for several months, and kept up her 'persona' by using pictures of one friend for herself, picutres of another friend's kid for her kid, and pictures of Telly Savalas and John Astin for the guys she was shacking up with.

    Also I think she pretended to get the AIDS or something.

    image
    3 out of 4 dead babies agree! pepsi is better than coke! - EdithBouvierBeale
    Lordy. Grow some balls and stop lurking. It's like stealing from the internet. Jesuschrist. -- AudreyHorne
    I hate love and marriage. I got married so I could destroy these things from the inside. - NoisyPenguin
    It's a good thing my circle of trust is as giant as my vagina. That only leaves a couple people out. - Cali
  • image jens_a_ten:
    You know what I want to hear? One of those old stories you wrote about BGB. Remember those?

    I'm looking for it, but I don't remember how to get to the forum where it's stored.  Cali?

     

    image
    3 out of 4 dead babies agree! pepsi is better than coke! - EdithBouvierBeale
    Lordy. Grow some balls and stop lurking. It's like stealing from the internet. Jesuschrist. -- AudreyHorne
    I hate love and marriage. I got married so I could destroy these things from the inside. - NoisyPenguin
    It's a good thing my circle of trust is as giant as my vagina. That only leaves a couple people out. - Cali
  • "gayer than the gay mayor of gayville, Kirk Cameron"

    is this a bigoted slur if I use it? because I want to. REAL BAD.

    image
    "As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
  • image GroomzMcFinehiney:

    image jens_a_ten:
    You know what I want to hear? One of those old stories you wrote about BGB. Remember those?

    I'm looking for it, but I don't remember how to get to the forum where it's stored.  Cali?

     

    Cali, do it! I remember those stories because one of them was the very first thread I opened the first time I came to lurk AFB and I died laughing and fell in love with Groomz at first sight.

  • image _Fenton:

    "gayer than the gay mayor of gayville, Kirk Cameron"

    is this a bigoted slur if I use it? because I want to. REAL BAD.

    It would be a slur if you said it, but if you make it clear that you heard it from an assbandit, I think you'll be fine.

    image
    3 out of 4 dead babies agree! pepsi is better than coke! - EdithBouvierBeale
    Lordy. Grow some balls and stop lurking. It's like stealing from the internet. Jesuschrist. -- AudreyHorne
    I hate love and marriage. I got married so I could destroy these things from the inside. - NoisyPenguin
    It's a good thing my circle of trust is as giant as my vagina. That only leaves a couple people out. - Cali
  • The tale of Baby Green Bird
    From: 2Grooms2B 2Grooms2B is online. Last active: 6/2/2008 4:48:21 PM
    Not Ranked
    Date: 6/2/2008 at 4:33 PM
    Baby Green Bird was the only child of an aging spinster who lived alone with her cat... and her 29 other cats. One night, BGB's mom was invited to a party, and had a little too much to drink and 40 weeks later, Felice jr. was born.
    When Jr. was old enough, Felice got her a job at the edible underwear factory where she worked. Jr. was fired after donning the fruity undergarments and trying to seduce her 75 year old boss. Nevertheless, they were very happy until one night, Felice caught her daughter masturbating to pictures of Karl Rove. Felice could not accept such behavior, and kicked her daughter out of her house forever. She was so humiliated that Felice eventually went into hiding, and attempted to change her identity, to limited success.

    Felice Jr, now a castout (or STILL a castout) wandered the streets until she found a safe haven. Jr. began living in the back yard of an unsuspecting woman who had a penchant for wildlife, and would leave food out, upon which Jr. sustained herself. She would sleep on the grass so often, that her blonde hair was dyed green with grass stains. Each morning, she would wait for the homeowner to come outside, leave a treat for the animals, and go back in.

    One day, the woman caught Jr. feasting on her sweet, sweet peanut butter, and took pity on the girl. She brought her into her house, and named her Baby Green Bird, because of her green locks, and her penchant for the sweet, sweet peanut butter that was lovingly served to the featherbabies each morning.

    BGB stayed with her foster mother for a few months, but eventually realized that it was time to chase her dream job as a troll that hangs out under bridges and picks on goats. She had heard stories of such trolls, but did not know where one went to apply. Remembering that she had seen a story of one such troll on a TV program, and realizing that TV programs probably come from Hollywood, she began her journey west.

    With no money, she had to rely on her sex appeal to gain the attention of motorists so she could hitchike to Hollywood. It took her 20 years. Eventually, she got there, and began looking for bridges. She found Beau Bridges, who took pity on BGB, and let her sleep in his back yard. At least 40 feet away from the house.

    One morning BGB awoke to the sound of arthritis, and looked across the yard to see a man who she mistook for her former boss. She never got over her love for him, and everytime she smelled orange fruit roll ups and that smell that you smell when you touch your taint after you went a day without showering, and it doesn't smell really bad, but it's not a great smell either, but you just can't stop smelling your finger as if you've just discovered this new tainty smell... she thought of him.

    BGB stood up and ran toward the man who she believed to be her one true love. She ran, and ran, and ran, and then she slipped on a cowpie. Humiliated and stinky, she laid there, but heard the sound of arthritic creaking getting closer and closer. Then a withered old hand that was probably really hot once when he did a movie with Drew Barrymore and the daugther from Roseanne, (not that one, the other one) where I got to see his butt, reached down to help her up. Tom Skerritt, with his failing eyesight and dead sense of smell, did not notice what a mess BGB was, and took her home, cleaned her up, and eventually proposed.

    She now sleeps in his back yard.
    image
  • Since Buddha covered BGB, here's Retread's story:

    Grooms' story of how RetreadBride came to be

    From: 2Grooms2B2Grooms2B is online. 
    Not Ranked
    Date: 10/11/2007 at 4:01 PM

    KDoane, come sit by me a spell.

    Retread bride was the bastard daughter of a circus worker. When she was twelve, her mother accidentally left her behind when the circus picked up and moved from Desmoines to Albequerque. It seems one of those zany monkeys dressed up like Retread, and her mother just assumed she was walking funny because of a mishap with a clown car the night before.

    Retread spent the next several months searching for her mom and the circus folk, but every time she though she had caught up with them, they had moved again. When she finally DID catch up with them, she found that her mother had sadly passed away after being hit by the same clown car that caused Retread's alleged limp. That's where her screen name came from. It's because the treads of the clown car struck her family not once, but twice.

    She was horrified to find out that her mother never found out about the switch, and left all of her money to the monkey who squandered it on Pez dispenesers and those boston baked bean candy that don't taste like beans at all, but who would want to eat candy that really tasted like beans anyway?

    So retread, left with no family, came to the Knot, and seeked solace in the arms of NEY and AFB. We tried and tried to mend the wounds left by her circus mom and the monkey scandal. Dolly even used her mad NEY Detective connections to find her father, but the monkey had already found him, and he thought Retread was a fraud.

    So you see, we've all tried her best, but Retread is so jaded due to her own misfortune, that we have been forced to use a "tough love" approach with her. Except for Tasty. She still tries, but look at what good it does her. 

    image
    "That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
  • image GroomzMcFinehiney:
    image _Fenton:

    "gayer than the gay mayor of gayville, Kirk Cameron"

    is this a bigoted slur if I use it? because I want to. REAL BAD.

    It would be a slur if you said it, but if you make it clear that you heard it from an assbandit, I think you'll be fine.

    I'll only use it around Christin. That way I get it out of my system, but no children are harmed in the process.

    image
    "As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
  • omg I am choking. It's even better than I remember. Groomz, you are totally favorite.
  • I was here for Pebblegate, but missed about half of Elfstergate. I could pick up most of it, but wtf was the Elfstergate Chihuahua?

    Also, why does camping cure AIDS and why shouldn't I bother being tested? 

    image

    "The meek shall inherit the earth" isn't about children. It's about deer. We're all going to get messed the fuckup by a bunch of cloned super-deer.- samfish2bcrab

    Sometimes I wonder if scientists have never seen a sci-fi movie before. "Oh yes, let's create a super species of deer. NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG." I wonder if State Farm offers a Zombie Deer Attack policy. -CaliopeSpidrman
  • I lurked for a few months in the summer of 07, and then stopped for a while. The day I decided to lurk again was the day that Elfstergate blew up. It was amazing reading, and I vowed never to leave again.
  • I know Fallin is Chad's momma-that happened when I first started lurking, but I don't really remember how that came about. All I really remember is I just about peed myself at the dramatic reading. Who cares to elaborate on how Fallin came to be Mama?
    I'm pretty sure it's pronounced your mom's a moron and if you didn't have your name legally changed by the age of 22, so are you. Unless you're from another continent. -Groomz
  • I think it came about when he was continuously adding to a post to up his post count? Called Fallin in his mama in that thread?
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