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Baby sister wanting birth control

My youngest sister (turns 16 in a couple months) recently asked my mom for birth control. My mom asked me to talk to her about it...I have been going over what I want to say to her, but I am curious if anyone else has ever been in this situation or if you guys have any advice?

So far I want to make sure she realizes that this is a very big decision and something that she shouldn't take lightly or be pressured into doing. With that said, I'm pretty sure that she is going to do it, regardless of what anyone says, so I would rather she be protected. I think that making mistakes is part of growing up, but I don't want her to go into that situation, unprotected, and have her deal with serious consequences for the rest of her life.

Re: Baby sister wanting birth control

  • If she decides to take the pill then make sure she knows to still use a condom. The pill is not effective immediately and there is the STD risks. Is there a planned parenthood in your town?

    I don't think a 16 year old is going to get how a relationship changes after sex. Is she ready to give up something she can never get back? Tell her that even if she decides to have sex it does not mean she has to continue. I've known girls who thought oh well not a virgin no big deal. Does she have a BF? Is this her idea or is he giving her the crap line, "if you love me then you would have sex with me."

    You are lucky she came to you before and not after she decided to have sex. Maybe a few episodes of Teen Mom would change her mind.

  • I get that your her sister and all but your mom should be really talking to her about it. Its her job.

     WIth that if your mom does not have the balls to do it, make sure to giver her all her possibilities, and let her know that just because she uses BC  that she is still opened to stds/stvs if she does not use a condom.

    I do give your sister credit for taking the steps to help protect herself.

  • I definitely think if she is asking for it, your mom should take her to the dr. and get her on it.  Also, it needs to be stressed to her that she cannot skip them. Teenagers are the worst at forgetting things.  She needs to get into a pattern of taking them when she brushes her teeth or some other repetitive thing that she does EVERY day.

    Also, teenagers think they know everything.  Go to a bookstore and get her a couple of very in depth books on her body, reproductive system and sex and most importantly safety, std's and pregnancy. Something geared towards teenagers.  Just let her have them and tell her that she doesn't have to read them, but if she has questions about anything, she will have a good reference to read privately. And let her know that you are available to talk about anything if she wants to talk.  Do not give her a lecture about it all, she will just shut you out and do what she wants.  Be her friend.  Your mom needs to tread lightly here too, but of course still be mom, not her best friend.  Your sister needs to be educated, but she needs to feel like the lines of communication are open with you and her mom.

    A long time ago, my younger sister ask my mom for the pill and we took her and got her started.  She ended up pregnant within the year.  My mom was astounded when asking her what happened, she replied that she had stopped taking them because she had gained a little weight. My mom said, well what do you think being pregnant is going to do?  It was a horrible time for my family.  My nephew is a young man now (18) and we all love him, but my sister's life has been so much harder having him when she was just 18 herself.

     

    Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~ Elizabeth Stone
    "Don't marry a man unless you would be PROUD to have a son exactly like him." ~ Unknown
  • imageFMIL&MOB:

    If she decides to take the pill then make sure she knows to still use a condom. The pill is not effective immediately and there is the STD risks. Is there a planned parenthood in your town?

    I don't think a 16 year old is going to get how a relationship changes after sex. Is she ready to give up something she can never get back? Tell her that even if she decides to have sex it does not mean she has to continue. I've known girls who thought oh well not a virgin no big deal. Does she have a BF? Is this her idea or is he giving her the crap line, "if you love me then you would have sex with me."

    You are lucky she came to you before and not after she decided to have sex. Maybe a few episodes of Teen Mom would change her mind.

    The first thing that came to mind was Teen Mom. I remember being that age and feeling like I was invincible...you really don't grasp the concept that something serious and life changing can happen. I definitely plan on telling her that the pill is not 100% effective and that she still needs to make sure to use a condom. I am not aware of a Planned Parenthood in town, but that is definitely something I will look into, thanks :)

  • imageMallardDucky:

    I get that your her sister and all but your mom should be really talking to her about it. Its her job.

     WIth that if your mom does not have the balls to do it, make sure to giver her all her possibilities, and let her know that just because she uses BC  that she is still opened to stds/stvs if she does not use a condom.

    I do give your sister credit for taking the steps to help protect herself.

    I definitely agree. I don't think it is my responcibility to talk to her about this and I am upset at my mom for putting this on my shoulders. My sister didn't come to me, she went to my mom and my mom asked me to talk to her about it. Our parents got divorced when my sister was very young and my mom hasn't been consistantly in the picture ever since...so it doesn't surprise me that she would not want to deal with this issue. On the other hand though, I think it would be better for me to talk to my sister about it, it would probably be less threatening for her and maybe she could be more honest with me? My sister is a very smart girl and it does make me feel a little better that atleast she is taking the steps to protect herself, but it's still a pretty scary subject. Thanks for the advice though :)

  • imagePnkBride:

    I definitely think if she is asking for it, your mom should take her to the dr. and get her on it.  Also, it needs to be stressed to her that she cannot skip them. Teenagers are the worst at forgetting things.  She needs to get into a pattern of taking them when she brushes her teeth or some other repetitive thing that she does EVERY day.

    Also, teenagers think they know everything.  Go to a bookstore and get her a couple of very in depth books on her body, reproductive system and sex and most importantly safety, std's and pregnancy. Something geared towards teenagers.  Just let her have them and tell her that she doesn't have to read them, but if she has questions about anything, she will have a good reference to read privately. And let her know that you are available to talk about anything if she wants to talk.  Do not give her a lecture about it all, she will just shut you out and do what she wants.  Be her friend.  Your mom needs to tread lightly here too, but of course still be mom, not her best friend.  Your sister needs to be educated, but she needs to feel like the lines of communication are open with you and her mom.

    A long time ago, my younger sister ask my mom for the pill and we took her and got her started.  She ended up pregnant within the year.  My mom was astounded when asking her what happened, she replied that she had stopped taking them because she had gained a little weight. My mom said, well what do you think being pregnant is going to do?  It was a horrible time for my family.  My nephew is a young man now (18) and we all love him, but my sister's life has been so much harder having him when she was just 18 herself.

     

    Thanks for sharing your story. I definitely agree that the conversation between my sister and I cannot be a lecture, because your right, she will completely shut down. This is one of the reasons why I think it might be a good thing that I will be talking to her instead of my mom, even though I'm not looking forward to it. Coming from my mom, it might start to sound "preachy." Thanks for the advice.

  • I would advise her to learn how to say no.

     

    15 year olds have a pretty fragile concept of self and aren't ready for a sexual relationship, 9 times out of 10.

    1) Does she have a regular boyfriend who shows honest affection?

     2) Is she a good student?  (I know this is an odd question but it does apply for girls who are just having sex to establish some sense of self worth.

     3)  Why isn't your Mom taking care of this?  Yes, I would and did help my younger sister but only because our mom was deceased.

     4) If she's just wanting to eff around, there's not a lot you can do to stop it if she did pass the first three questions.

     

    I'm not much help, sorry.

  • Didn't your sis learn about birth control awhile back? Indeed -- why didn't your mother explain birth control to her back then? (nothing was explained to me, either -- I had to rely on outside information) The horse is out of the barn a bit.

    Methinks her problem is peer pressure, not attaining the pill. If this guy's pressuring her to have sex, she needs to tell him to take a hike. If he takes off, her problem is over.

     

  • Well, considering that the Pill can also control things like acne and help people regulate their weight, she may want it for that.

    I was on the Pill from the age of 14, mainly to control some serious acne, but also to regulate my periods. I got my first period when I was 13 and they were irregular as all hell- taking the pill meant that I didn't stain any more pairs of pants or embarrass myself at school by having to stuff my underpants with toilet paper.

    If she's 15, then which would you rather?

    She's coming to you asking for the Pill, the worst you can say is 'she might be having sex'.

    If she comes to you asking if you know any good midwife's or who she needs to see about a missed period, then you *know* she's had sex.  

  • I think this sucks that your mother can't be adult enough to do this, instead of forcing it off on you.

    Other than that, ditto the PPs. She should go to Planned Parenthood or see a physician, read a book about her body and watch a few episodes of 16 and Pregnant.

    Hope is not a strategy.
  • This is a long one.   

     

    Get her a copy of Our Bodies, Our Selves.  Very clear and no-nonsense information on a woman's body.  When my sister came to me many many years ago for birth control information, I talked to her and gave her the book.  I found out that she passed it around to all of her friends and her boyfriend too.

    Give her the link to Planned Parenthood's page on birth control options and effectiveness charts. 

    Be blunt.  Tell her that teenage boys are lousy at sex.  

    Tell her that she has a clitoris for a reason that reason is that she is entitled to sexual pleasure/orgasms.  Give her a small mirror and tell her to look at her genitals.  She needs to understand that what her own body looks like.  Suggest that she masturbate.  Tell her that if she doesn't understand what gives her pleasure, she won't be able to communicate that to her partner.   

    Tell her about Plan B.  Tell her that she has 72 hours after unprotected sex to prevent a pregnancy.  Tell her that it is available without a prescription for people over the age of 18.  Tell her that you will get it for her, with no judgment, any time she asks.   

    Explain to her that sex carries risk.  Anything worth doing **always** carries a risk.  Tell her that sex feels great (when done right) but that it comes with a potential price tag.  Tell her that no matter what form of birth control she uses, she is running the risk of an STD.  Genital warts and herpes can be carried on the male scrotum or surrounding genital skin - neither of which is covered by a condom.  Nothing (besides abstinence) is foolproof.  She can take steps to minimize the risk as much as possible, but she needs to be clear that her choices now could affect her life forever.  Stress with her that you aren't just saying "Teenagers shouldn't have sex", you want her to be as smart about it as possible -- informed and prepared.  

    Tell her that if she is mature enough for sex and if her partner cares about her enough to share her body with him, they will use birth control **every** time AND wait to have sex until they have both been tested for STDs.  

    Warn her that in the heat of the moment, sex has an incredible pull.  Lust makes you do crazy things.  But that doesn't mean she can afford to be stupid.  Tell her that any guy who won't use a condom is a jerk.  "It doesn't feel as good" "It's too tight" or "Well, you're on the pill" are douchebag excuses and any guy who uses them doesn't deserve to sleep with her.  A guy with respect for her and for himself (and half a brain) will wear a condom.  Tell her that if he is using one of those lines with her, he has probably used that line with other girls - and heaven knows where THEY have been.

    Finally, make it clear to her that all contact that is done for sexual gratification is SEX.  Oral sex, manual sex, anal sex and vaginal sex is ALL SEX.  You aren't a virgin just because a penis has not penetrated your vagina.  If that were the only measure of "virginity", there are millions of gay men and women who are as pure as the driven snow.  Tell her that giving each other pleasure through methods OTHER than penetration is a viable option -- both avoid pregnancy and *most* STDs.  She and her lover can mutually masturbate.  They can orally pleasure each other.  They can masturbate side by side.  They can use toys on one another.  Sex is not *just* penetration.

  • imageootmother2:

    I would advise her to learn how to say no.

     

    15 year olds have a pretty fragile concept of self and aren't ready for a sexual relationship, 9 times out of 10.

    1) Does she have a regular boyfriend who shows honest affection?

     2) Is she a good student?  (I know this is an odd question but it does apply for girls who are just having sex to establish some sense of self worth.

     3)  Why isn't your Mom taking care of this?  Yes, I would and did help my younger sister but only because our mom was deceased.

     4) If she's just wanting to eff around, there's not a lot you can do to stop it if she did pass the first three questions.

     

    I'm not much help, sorry.

    1. I wouldn't call him a "regular boyfriend" because they have only been dating 6 months. Also, within those 6 months, I believe there was a breakup in there, but they never officially broke up, if that makes any sense.

    2. She is a very good student and she is also very talented in after school activities. Also, she has always been the stubborn one in the family and the one who would never give in to peer pressure, which is part of the reason why I was so shocked that this even came up. Out of all my siblings, she was the one that I was least worried about.

    3. My mom means well, but my parents have been divorced since my sister was very young and my mom has never been a stable figure in our lives.

  • Thank you all for the great advice! While I don't think this should be my responsibility, I think it will turn out to be for the best that I talk to her instead of my mom. So far, I plan on asking her the reasoning behind wanting to go on the pill. While I don't agree with her getting birth control at such a young age,  I want her to be protected, and I also want her to know that it is not ok to be pressured into doing this. I also plan on discussing the fact that the pill is not 100% effective and that it will not protect her from STD's. I also think that it might be a good idea to appeal to the social aspect of the situation and how if she does end up having sex, and it gets around her school, she is going to lose respect from boys and girls. Girls will automatically stereotype her and boys will expect the same thing from her if they ended up dating.

    Thanks again for the advice, ladies! I definitely didn't think I would be having this conversation any time soon, especially since my husband and I don't even have any children of our own yet! lol!

  • imageDaringMiss:

    This is a long one.   

     

    Get her a copy of Our Bodies, Our Selves.  Very clear and no-nonsense information on a woman's body.  When my sister came to me many many years ago for birth control information, I talked to her and gave her the book.  I found out that she passed it around to all of her friends and her boyfriend too.

    Give her the link to Planned Parenthood's page on birth control options and effectiveness charts. 

    Be blunt.  Tell her that teenage boys are lousy at sex.  

    Tell her that she has a clitoris for a reason that reason is that she is entitled to sexual pleasure/orgasms.  Give her a small mirror and tell her to look at her genitals.  She needs to understand that what her own body looks like.  Suggest that she masturbate.  Tell her that if she doesn't understand what gives her pleasure, she won't be able to communicate that to her partner.   

    Tell her about Plan B.  Tell her that she has 72 hours after unprotected sex to prevent a pregnancy.  Tell her that it is available without a prescription for people over the age of 18.  Tell her that you will get it for her, with no judgment, any time she asks.   

    Explain to her that sex carries risk.  Anything worth doing **always** carries a risk.  Tell her that sex feels great (when done right) but that it comes with a potential price tag.  Tell her that no matter what form of birth control she uses, she is running the risk of an STD.  Genital warts and herpes can be carried on the male scrotum or surrounding genital skin - neither of which is covered by a condom.  Nothing (besides abstinence) is foolproof.  She can take steps to minimize the risk as much as possible, but she needs to be clear that her choices now could affect her life forever.  Stress with her that you aren't just saying "Teenagers shouldn't have sex", you want her to be as smart about it as possible -- informed and prepared.  

    Tell her that if she is mature enough for sex and if her partner cares about her enough to share her body with him, they will use birth control **every** time AND wait to have sex until they have both been tested for STDs.  

    Warn her that in the heat of the moment, sex has an incredible pull.  Lust makes you do crazy things.  But that doesn't mean she can afford to be stupid.  Tell her that any guy who won't use a condom is a jerk.  "It doesn't feel as good" "It's too tight" or "Well, you're on the pill" are douchebag excuses and any guy who uses them doesn't deserve to sleep with her.  A guy with respect for her and for himself (and half a brain) will wear a condom.  Tell her that if he is using one of those lines with her, he has probably used that line with other girls - and heaven knows where THEY have been.

    Finally, make it clear to her that all contact that is done for sexual gratification is SEX.  Oral sex, manual sex, anal sex and vaginal sex is ALL SEX.  You aren't a virgin just because a penis has not penetrated your vagina.  If that were the only measure of "virginity", there are millions of gay men and women who are as pure as the driven snow.  Tell her that giving each other pleasure through methods OTHER than penetration is a viable option -- both avoid pregnancy and *most* STDs.  She and her lover can mutually masturbate.  They can orally pleasure each other.  They can masturbate side by side.  They can use toys on one another.  Sex is not *just* penetration.

    Love everything in this post, thank you!

  • I just wanted to add a website that you should give to your sister : youngwomenshealth.org.  It's a website created by Children's Hospital of Boston and is a great source of information presented in a non-threatening way for teens. It gives them information about all the different types of STDs and types of contraception.  I would almost recommend you both either separately or together going over this website and then talking so you can have a fully informed conversation.

    Also I would recommend telling her to talk to here pediatrician about this - they are trained to deal with this or they can send her to see an adolescent medicine doctor who have even more experience with dealing with all types of adolescent issues.

    I think it's wonderful that you are going to talk to her about this, but keep in mind that you don't know why she is asking for this.  Keep an open mind and be understanding and receptive to what she is saying.  If you push her too hard on not having sex because she's too young she might not feel like she will be able to come to you later for other questions or problems.  This, for better or worse, is ultimately her decision to make and like you said what's most important to you is that she is safe about this.  

    Finally there are many types of birth control including the depo shot which is frequently recommended for teenagers simply because they don't have to be reliable about taking something everyday.  Good luck! 

  • imageMallardDucky:

    I get that your her sister and all but your mom should be really talking to her about it. Its her job.

     WIth that if your mom does not have the balls to do it, make sure to giver her all her possibilities, and let her know that just because she uses BC  that she is still opened to stds/stvs if she does not use a condom.

    I do give your sister credit for taking the steps to help protect herself.

    I agree with all of this. 

    While I still do think that 16 is very very young to be getting into this, they'll do whatever they want so you're right about might as well having her ready. She will regret it though I'm sure, later on. 

  • The Pest aite my reply...so adding more:

     Boodks are an excellent suggestion:

    Taking Charge of Your Fertility -- not too early to start charting your periods. Will tell you what's normal and what's not.

    Our Bodies, Ourselves

    Woman's Body: Owner's Manual.

     ANd I second the masturbation suggestion.

    Sounds to me also like she needs to be clued in on pretty much everything. Wonder why your mother didn't discuss birth control with her when she should have.

    Birth control won't help her "hold onto" a boyfriend. He can still take off and leave when he gets what he wants and guys that age are usually here today and gone tomorrow, also.  She needs to know that, also.

  • I agree with a lot of the above comments. If your mom won't educate your sis, then go ahead and step up. She's a smart girl for asking for BC in the first place.

    But, you need to express to her this one thing: The first time she has sex, whether good or bad, will shape how she views sex for the rest of her life. If it turns out bad, she may not view sex as a healthy thing. Likewise for good. So emphasize to her that if she's going to have sex, it needs to be a positive experience. She can never change that first experience.

    I saw a lot of young friends have bad first experiences and they are still not doing well as adults. I made sure to have a positive experience for myself.

    Good luck! 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I also wanted to add that you need to tell her (if she does decided to get BC) that just because she has them doesnt mean you are giving her the permission to have sex.

    Tell her to wait but if she cant she is protected.

  • Thanks everyone! I will definitely check out all of the resources posted :)
  • imagekelbell79:

     The first time she has sex, whether good or bad, will shape how she views sex for the rest of her life. If it turns out bad, she may not view sex as a healthy thing. Likewise for good. So emphasize to her that if she's going to have sex, it needs to be a positive experience. She can never change that first experience.

    I have to disagree with your premise.  Many people have less than glorious "first times" but that doesn't mean that they will always have a bad sex life.  It means they had a lousy first time.  

    Now, the reasons they had a bad first time (pressured into doing something they didn't want, drank too much to build up courage, self-esteem issues that lead them to have sex when they didn't want to, having sex in order to "keep" their boyfriend) might be the reasons they had crummy subsequent sex lives.  

    Losing your virginity isn't the marker by which the rest of your sex life is set.  

  • I also completely disagree with kelbell.

    Your sex life (or any other part of your life) is not set in stone. If your friends aren't doing well sexually now, it is because of what they are doing now, not what happened years ago.

    Hope is not a strategy.
  • 1) The pill does not prevent STDs. 

    2) Some STDs are permanent.  Google image search cold sores.  

    3) The pill is not %100 effective.  In order to be most effective you can't throw up, have diahreah, be taking certain other medications, and take the pill within the same hour every single day.  

     4) Scary teenage pregnancy statistics: Teen mothers are less likely to complete high school (only one-third receive a high school diploma) and only 1.5% have a college degree by age 30. Teen mothers are more likely to end up on welfare (nearly 80 percent of unmarried teen mothers end up on welfare).

    The children of teenage mothers have lower birth weights, are more likely to perform poorly in school, and are at greater risk of abuse and neglect.

    The sons of teen mothers are 13 percent more likely to end up in prison while teen daughters are 22 percent more likely to become teen mothers themselves.

    Out of all teen pregnancies, 82% are unintended. Teen pregnancy accounts for 20% of all unplanned pregnancies annually.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Why doesn't your mom want to talk to her about this.... why is she bringing you into it?  Sounds kinda immature if you ask me.... she doesn't want to deal with it so she drops it on you...

    My view is.... Hey, she is smart enough to ask for it.... to me that is a good sign.

    BUT she needs to see a doctor.... talk about the side effects... and EVEN IF SHE DOES GO ON BC THAT does NOT protect against STD's.... and that she still needs to be smart about her health.

    Blog: Not to be Koi

    Sara, Friend?
    image
    glove slap. I don't take crap.
  • I'm late to this post, but I would also read up on the STD statistics among teenagers.   I believe I heard recently that 1 in 4 high school students have herpes.     Tell her about herpes.   Google image pictures and symptoms.    Find out how that would affect her sex life in the future, and other things like complications during pregnancy.    Ask her to imagine how it would feel to inform every sexual partner she has in the future that she has _______.      Having sex is an adult activity with adult consequences.    She needs all the information so she can protect herself from every angle.   It's not just about preventing a pregnancy, although that most certainly is a serious consequence to having sex.   She needs to insist on condoms so she doesn't get a potentially incurable disease.   

    She also should develop a good understanding of how her body works, so she can avoid sex during her potentially fertile times.    Not a cure all for preventing pregnancy, but combined with birth control it should help a lot, especially if she messes with BC by taking antibiotics or missing  a pill. 

    She should also be told that she doesn't have to have sex.   Among her peers, no one really cares if she's having sex or not.    If her boyfriend is pressuring her for sex, he's a loser and she can do better.  

  • Buy her condoms plan b and a graphic book of std pictures.  Also a visit to Planed parenthood as well. Id also think about calling her every 2 hours around the clock for  a while simply saying  feeding time for your unplanned infant.  Ok maybe thats overboard , but all of the above posts are great information to pass on.

  • I also forgot: see if you can take her and her boyfriend to the health dept or planned parenthood for std screening before they start exploring
  • I have had two of these (17 and 15)! I would just suggest that you make her feel totally comfortable, no judgment, no disappointment. I told both my sisters that I regretted losing my virginity so young and wish I would have waited, but I took them to get the pill and condoms. That was the other thing, I agree with PP- DOUBLE DUTCH (both pill and condom)!!!
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Turtle: 

    I hate to break it to you, but 16 is not very, very, young to be getting into this. I am a teacher and much to the student's disbelief, we do hear everything. There are 12, 13 year olds having sex regularly around here. I admit that where I live is a rural, low-income area in MO and a lot of the students do not have stable households. But I don't think this plays that big of a role in it really. The kids in high school are 10x worse than how kids were 7 years ago when I was there. Last year at prom, a boy that had moved away to TX came back as someone's date. He was here from Fri-Sun morning, and managed to sleep with 3 different girls. It took restraint from myself and others to just want to go to those girls and say WTF? You didn't mind being his 2nd or 3rd in just hours, b/c what? he's hot?

    I commend you for being a great big sister and tackling this issue for your mom. I agree that since she has asked, she's already being responsible. Just make sure she understands the risks. All the above comments have been great advice. I know when I was younger, I was never in the situation to need bcp, but I would've never felt comfortable to ask my mom to get them. I wish I had a big sister to go to if I needed it. You rock! :) 

    **TTC bestie/auntie to ShanRich0810's LO Started TTC-1/2011; Lap, appendectomy & Dx'd w/endo-9/2/2011; 1/2012-Met with RE, lap & hysterscopy-1/23, severe endo excised & polyp removed, BFP#1-5/13/12, m-m/c confirmed 6/6/12, D&C 6/13/12, IUI#1-BFN, Endo back, bcp to shrink cysts, IVF-10/11-ER, 8R, & 7M, ICSI-100%, 10/16-5dt, 2 blasts, 10/25-BFP!!
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  • Yep. the average age in America to loose virginity is 13.....average...
    BabyFruit Ticker
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